27 Reasonable Solutions to Everyday Neopet Problems

Here are solutions for:

If they misbehave (standard):

#1. Poke them.

#2. Poke them again.

#3. Poke them 1 more time. ^_^

If they want a petpet:

#4. *Claim* to give them an *invisible* petpet, and say it doesn’t talk. (They will eventually notice that they don’t *really* have a petpet, but you’ll have to deal with that yourself).

If they complain about not being painted a beautiful colour:

#5. Threaten them by saying that you’ll buy them a transmogrification potion tomorrow.

#6. You can also add that it will be a transmogrification potion that turns them into something they won’t like.

If they complain about your cooking:

#7. Simply feed them their least favourite food until they learn to appreciate your cooking.

If they won’t keep their rooms clean and are always messing up their furniture:

#8. Move all the furniture out so that the room is completely empty. (Nothing to mess up = No mess.

If they’re constantly jumping on the furniture:

(Couch, sofa chair, bed).

#9. Replace all the soft furniture with stone furniture.

If they’re always begging for more toys:

#10. Simply buy them 3 more of what they already have. And repeat. IMPORTANT: This method is to be used ONLY if your pets ask ten times a minute. Bear in mind that you should buy them a new toy at LEAST every 2 weeks. I can’t stress that enough.

If they won’t stop complaining about how the silence in the house is hurting their ears, (yeah right):

#11. Sign them up to work at the kadoatery for a week. (Next time they’ll appreciate the silence).

If they trample on all your carefully planted flowers:

#12. Make a second garden filled with Geraptiku fly traps.

#13. Hide other biting flowers near your nice ones.

If your pets want to go see a concert at the concert hall and are CONSTANTLY begging for you to take them:

#14. Take them to a concert. If they ask again, take them to the same one. If they ask yet again take them to that same one again. Keep this up every time they ask and eventually they’ll stop asking. But don’t forget to treat them to a new one every month or so.

If your neopets claim they're too dumb and are hoping that you’ll buy them a whole library:

#15. Send them off to neoschool. That should give you time to relax and to let you actually buy them the books. Your neopets should read one book a week.

By this time you have probably learned a little, (or at least had a laugh). You should realize that safety is important for your neopets. As a precaution I have added these next solutions so that you’ll be more aware that even though your neopets misbehave you still care about them.

#16. If your neopets are prone to setting things on fire (fire is a cool colour though) buy them a non-flammable room, like sand. Cardboard, twig, straw, wood and bamboo homes are not your best choices.

#17. If your neopets are painted robot, baths aren’t the best ideas. Instead buy a polishing cloth and oil to clean them.

#18. If your neopets are painted a sensitive colour like baby or faerie, make their rooms out of cloud so they don’t hurt themselves and get them a very delicate petpet.

Well, those are some safety precautions (I guess); I just don’t want to see tearful owners’ precious neopets in the hospital. So now let’s return to the regular amusing solutions:

If your neopet won’t take a bath (but should):

#19. Get them dung furniture. They’ll be so grossed out that they’ll beg you to take it away or they’ll get so stinky that they’ll have no choice. Note: Robot, fire, chocolate, mallow, and biscuit pets are better off without baths. And edible chias such as apple might find it offensive. (You wash food before you eat it, don’t you? Well, they know it).

If they hog all the food and have very poor table manners:

#20. Invite Kasuki Lu over for dinner.

#21. Or invite Meuka over.

Both of these Neopians have poor table manners, and hog all the food as well. (Or so I’ve heard) so maybe your neopets will learn something.

If they say that it’s too cold:

#22. Invite Lady Frostbite over. They should feel the difference.

If they claim that it’s too hot:

#23. Take them to the Lost Desert. Note: It is strongly recommended that you DON’T take your snow, ice, Christmas, or chocolate pets there. (Obvious reasons).

If they complain that you’re too slow:

#24. Take them to the Wheel of Monotony. (Where do they get off telling you that?).

If they won’t take out the trash:

#25. Leave it all in their room.

If they won’t wash the dishes:

#26. Serve them on dirty plates.

If they ask for a tree house:

#27. Build them a playroom made out of bamboo on the top floor. (Sayz LOLZ). (Well, what do you expect? Tell them that that’s their house made out of a tree, and that they were never specific about the fact that they want it IN a tree).

Well, there you have it, 27 useful tips on what to do if your neopet misbehaves. I have only covered some of the basic methods, but I hope you enjoyed them all the same. Unfortunately, I have not yet developed a means by which to stop your neopets from taking your neopoints and running amok in the malls. *sigh* Oh well, I’m sure you smart Neopians will think of something. *dodges a Kacheek with a bag of neopoints heading towards the mall* Anyway I hope you learned something from this article.

Disclaimer: These methods have not been tested. Use at your own risk.

I hope you have realized by now that this article was written to amuse you, the general public. It is recommended and strongly advised that you do not actually punish your neopets for what they might have done. (Regardless of how amusing this article might have been. Remember to always love your neopets and make every moment with them a memory to treasure.)

If you are reading this, then it will be my first publication in the Neopian Times.