Meow Circulation: 177,384,936 Issue: 310 | 21st day of Gathering, Y9
Home | Archives Articles | Editorial | Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series


by amwolford


Somewhere in Neopia...

      The Darkest Faerie scanned the long table. She hadn’t realized there were so many villains in Neopia. It either meant more competition or more allies.

      Though she usually preferred scheming on her own, Sloth had in fact released her and promised her a valuable proposition. Perhaps this one would be worth her while. What she was wondering, and she was sure all the others were too, was why they were here in the first place. Up and down the table she could see criminals from all over Neopia. The various villains were growling, hissing, or muttering under their breath. Others merely drooled or blew off brain sparks as they tried to remember why they were here. Though she admitted herself impressed by some, she still figured herself more brilliant than any of those goons. Quite a few didn’t even know how to tie their own shoes, and instead, knotted them clumsily.

     Dr. Sloth, who sat at her left, rose to his feet and cleared his throat.

     Everyone fell silent.

     “Does anyone know why you’re here?” the scientist growled.

     No answer.

     “It’s because of an ingenious plan I devised some time ago,” Sloth continued. “I was wandering about one of my space shuttles when I thought to myself, ‘I need something stronger than just Grundos to overthrow Neopia. I need something stronger’. I began thinking to myself what would be powerful enough to destroy their forces. And then it struck me. Villains! And not just any villains, all the villains Neopia has ever known, banded together to bring them down!”

     There was a considerable amount of muttering at this.

     “And erm, what’s in it fer us?” Malkis Vile grunted.

     A terrible grin spread across Sloth’s pea-green face. “What’s in it for you?” he cackled. “I’ll tell you what’s in it for you. Each of you will receive a Neopian land to dominate and call your own.”

     The Darkest Faerie’s brow rose. That is impressive, she thought.

     Apparently, the other villains thought so too. They began to whisper and nod in agreement.

     The Darkest Faerie, still not entirely pleased, rounded on Sloth. “And what about those of us who prefer to work alone?” she snapped.

     He smirked at her. “Once this ordeal has blown over, you will be free to do as you please, I assure you.”

     “So, what’s the plan?” Masila piped up.

     The Darkest Faerie shot her a contemptuous look. But it was nowhere compared to the looks she had given the Court Dancer, the ignorant flirt.

     “My dear Masika...” Sloth began.

     “It’s Masila,” the Acara hissed.

     The scientist continued as though he hadn’t heard her. “...the plan is simple enough. We merely confuse the Neopians. Begin causing chaos in various places around the world. These troubles will become more and more frequent. This gives us all a chance to not only put our own hand in the matter, but also have a little fun. These occurrences must all stop one thing. Neomail!”

     Every head turned toward him. It was obviously the most ridiculous thing they’d ever heard.

     Mouth agape, the Darkest Faerie whispered, “Neomail?”

     “Yes,” Dr. Sloth said, matter-of-factly. “If we stop all neomail carriers from delivering, the Neopians will grow agitated and complain to the government. The government will be so busy with complaints, they won’t be able to notice us build an army.”

     “Of what?” Captain Scarblade growled.

     “Of my evil clones, of captured Neopets, and of the Thieves Guild and the Revenge’s crew,” Dr. Sloth replied. “Our army will be prepared and theirs won’t. Then we attack and conquer.”

     Complete stillness. Only Galem dared shift in his seat. A few eyes exchanged glances for several moments. It seemed clear to them that Sloth was barking mad.

     The Darkest Faerie was the first one bold enough to break the quiet atmosphere. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but that plan may just be crazy enough to do it,” she croaked.

     Having had one of their own say so, made them realize it was possible. They all thought for a few minutes, some brains blowing sparks out their ears until someone spoke again.

     “What do we get to do?” the eldest Drenched wondered.

     “To begin with,” Sloth ranted, “you get to pick off the mail carriers and dispose of them in your own style or way. Just be sure not to leave any evidence as to who’s behind this.”

     Meuka began jumping up and down in his seat, waving a snotty arm wildly.

     Dr. Sloth groaned and buried his face in his hands. “What is it, Meuka?”

     “Can I eat stuff?” the snotty Meerca asked, trying to suppress his excitement.

     “Yes, Meuka,” Sloth droned. “You may eat the mail.”

     Meuka danced around again, spraying nearby members of the Thieves Guild with muck.

     Sloth’s face sank deeper into his palms. “What, Meuka?” he asked, trying to hold on to patience like his therapist had advised.

     “Can I eat the carrier bag, too?” Meuka gasped.

     Dr. Sloth sighed. “Yes, Meuka. You can eat the bag if you have to.”

     The gross Meerca grinned and rubbed his palms together.

     Sloth lowered his hands and asked, “Does anyone have any more questions?”

     Meuka’s hand shot into the air.

     Several villains moaned.

     Sloth sighed. “What is it, Meuka?”

     “Can I eat the carrier’s sneakers?” he requested.

     “Sure, Meuka. Now let us get back to the plan, okay?” the scientist said in a forcibly pleasant voice. “Very well then. As I was saying does anyone...? What, dare I ask, is it this time, Meuka?”

     “Can I eat his hair?” Meuka cried.

     “I suppose.”

     “And his socks?”

     There were quite a few faces pulled at that.

     Sloth was resigned. “I don’t care, Meuka.”

     Meuka was not however, finished. “Well, what about...?”

     “Hey, snot boy!” the Darkest Faerie spat in irritation. “Why don’t you go eat some of Sloth’s equipment if you’re so hungry?”

     Meuka’s face lit up like a little boy’s on Christmas. He leapt from his seat and bounded out the nearest door. The slamming door echoed in the silence as Sloth rounded on her.

     “My equipment?” he spluttered. “M-My...? MY equipment? Why couldn’t you have said something else? Why did it have to be MY equipment?”

     The Darkest Faerie shrugged. “It was the first thing that came to mind. Besides nobody’s really stupid enough to take that seriously.”

     Sloth cleared his throat. “Right then. As I was saying, does anyone have another question?”

     A hand shot into the air.

     Sloth pointed to it, saying, “Yes, Lord Kass?”

     Kass put his hand down. “How do you plan for all of us to get to Neopia in the first place? We’re stuck at your space station and most of us don’t have wings, if you haven’t noticed!”

     Sloth smiled. “Excellent question. Allow me to display my solution. I have designed a brand new shuttle for our transportation.”

     He strode away from the table and all the evil-doers followed. Sloth led them to a docking bay and opened the door. Everyone’s mouths fell open as they peered into it. Dr. Sloth looked as though he’d been beaten over the head with a slorg. He gave the Darkest Faerie a murderous glance as Meuka belched and then finished off the last bit of the shuttle.

The End

Search the Neopian Times

Great stories!


The Secrets of Scratchcards
What the scratchcard vendors won't tell you about the scratchcard game...

by turquoisephoenix


Life as a Darter for the M.M.G. - Disappearing Act
An icy breeze was blowing carelessly over the M.M.G. base, reminding everyone that winter would be arriving within weeks...

by princesslucille1


In memoria...

by ghostkomorichu


Star Power: Part Six
Lena suddenly stopped talking and clasped her paws over her mouth. Ever since she had entered the dressing room, she had been too busy fighting with herself to notice the Usul that had performed earlier...

by springsteen0991

Submit your stories, articles, and comics using the new submission form.