Voice of the Neopian Pound Circulation: 145,228,152 Issue: 305 | 17th day of Hiding, Y9
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Monotonous Madness

by darkside_of_the_moon


Thank you so much to saphira_27 for letting me mention her and her pet, slyandclever!

“Oh my gosh! This is going to be so much fun! Aren't you excited, M.C.?” my owner, Darkside, gushed as we gazed at the infamous Wheel of Monotony. Really, there wasn't much to look at. All I saw was a big wheel with some markings on it and a very bored-looking Quiggle sipping a hot cup of dung while reading the Neopian Times.

     “Umm... woohoo?” I replied, trying to sound enthusiastic for Darkside's benefit. She tries so hard to keep me and Staples happy, and I really appreciate it, but... she has a weird idea of fun, you know what I mean? Like that “Lab Ray” she's been talking about. I'm not exactly looking forward to that, either. But I digress.

      “How about you, Staples?” Darkside asked. “...Staples?” She looked around, but he was nowhere to be found.

      “Coming!” Staples shouted, running up the road towards us. He was lugging a huge orange backpack, a sleeping bag, and his favorite toy spaceship. All of us (except the Quiggle, who was still absorbed in his newspaper) gave him an odd look. “What? I've heard that this can take a long time,” he said. “My friend said that his cousin's neighbor's math teacher's brother's former roommate had to camp out here for a year. That wheel just wouldn't stop spinning!” I rolled my eyes. Little brothers, honestly.

     “Well, are we gonna spin the wheel or not?” I said, flying up and grabbing one of the top pegs. Staples frowned and grabbed one of the lower pegs.

     “Showoff,” he grumbled. I just smiled. This was one of the many perks of being a Shoyru. Darkside held on to a peg and smiled at us.

     “Ok, on the count of three! One... two... THREE!” We spun the wheel as hard as we could. It spun very fast and started making an annoying clicking sound.

     “...Now what?” I asked.

     “Now we wait,” Darkside replied, sitting on the dusty ground in front of the wheel.

      We sat there for what seemed like hours, sweating under the hot Tyrannian sun. Darkside was busily writing a Neomail, probably to her good friend Saphira. Bored out of my head, I started to doze off. Suddenly, I felt something hit me.

     “KABOOM!” Staples shouted. I winced as I rubbed the back of my head.

     “Stop throwing your dumb toys at me!” I snapped, kicking the Kreludor Action Spaceship (Now With Shiny Plastic Thingamajigs!) back in the Grundo's general direction. Staples ignored me and talked into his fist as if it were a walkie-talkie.

     “Target has been neutralized. Mission accomplished,” he said in a robotic voice. I sighed and lay down on the dusty ground, resigned. Darkside finished writing her Neomail, folded it into a paper airplane, and threw it into the air. It flew off and eventually disappeared.

     “Stop fighting, you two,” she scolded. I glanced at the wheel, which hadn't slowed down a bit.

     “How long have we been here?” I asked. Darkside looked at her watch.

     “Umm... about five minutes.” I groaned. It felt like two hours.

      “Hey M.C., that guy over there...” Staples whispered, pointing to the Quiggle by the wheel. “He hasn't moved since we got here.”

     “That's his job.” I sighed. “He has to sit over there all day and make sure everyone pays when they spin the wheel.”

     “Oh... that's a dumb job,” he said. I shrugged.

     “Somebody's got to do it.”

     Staples looked at the Quiggle again. He was slumped in his chair and his eyes were closed.

     “...Do you think he's even alive?” he whispered again.

     “Umm... duh!” I replied. But I glanced at the Quiggle anyway, just to be sure. He was alive, all right.

     “No, seriously, think about it,” he insisted. “Maybe they couldn't find a living person who would do that job, so...”

     “He's alive, Staples,” I groaned. “End of discussion.”

     “Are you sure?”




     Staples grinned at me, a mischievous gleam in his bright orange eyes.

     “Then go poke him,” he said, as if poking the sleeping Quiggle was the most devious thing someone could do.


     “You heard me. Poke him. I dare you.”

     “Oh, come on,” I protested. “That's just-”

     “So you're too scared?” Staples teased.


     “Prove it, then!”

     “...Fine. But if we get in trouble, it's all your fault.”

     Staples smiled and gave me a cheesy salute.

     “Yes ma'am!” he said.

      As slowly and quietly as I could, I tiptoed towards the sleeping Quiggle. His newspaper, still open, was lying on his chest. I looked over my shoulder at Staples. He waved at me, grinning madly. Taking a deep breath and bracing myself for the worst, I reached out to poke the Quiggle.

      Suddenly, a deafening roar knocked me flat on my back. I gasped in shock and scrambled back to safety. Staples stared at me for a few seconds, then burst out laughing. When I looked back at the Quiggle, I understood why. He was just snoring. Very, very, very, very loudly. I turned absolutely beet red. Staples calmed down a little and wiped the tears from his eyes.

     “Ok, since you didn't poke him on the first try, now you have to take his newspaper, too.”

     “You know what? Forget it. Just forget it.”

      Darkside yawned and slowly sat up. Apparently, she'd been asleep the whole time.

     “...Did I miss something?” she said groggily.

     “Nope,” Staples and I answered in unison.

      Darkside looked at her watch again.

     “Wow, it's been over half an hour. How long is this wheel supposed to keep-” She was cut off by a small, white paper airplane that hit her on the back of her head. She picked it up and unfolded it.

     “Oh, it's for you, M.C.,” she said, handing the Neomail to me. I grinned when I saw the name of the sender. It was from my good friend, Sly. I read the Neomail and started laughing.

     “Come look at this!” I said. Darkside and Staples leaned over my shoulder to see.

     “Apparently, there's been this story circulating Neopia about an entire world made of...” - I snickered at the craziness of the idea - “JELLY!” Staples and Darkside started laughing, too.

     “That's GOT to be the dumbest thing I've ever heard!” Darkside giggled like a schoolgirl. “What loser came up with THAT one?” We laughed for a good five minutes.

      “You know,” I said, a smile still on my face, “Maybe this Wheel of Monotony thing isn't so boring after all.”

     “Yeah...” Darkside agreed. “...Wait, you thought it would be boring?”

     “Umm...” There was a long awkward silence.

     “Wait a minute...” Staples said. “It was totally silent a few seconds ago. What happened to that annoying clicking sound the wheel makes?”

      Immediately, we all looked at the wheel. It had finally stopped spinning!

     “Alright!” I cheered. “What did we win?” The wheel had stopped on an icon that looked like some kind of rock.

     “YES! We won the Amazing Mystical Rock of Endless Wonder!” Staples shouted.


     Startled, we spun around, trying to find the source of that strange voice. The Quiggle was awake now, and staring straight at us.

     “ZOMBIE!” Staples screamed, hiding behind Darkside.

     “Be quiet!” I hushed. The Quiggle ignored Staples and went on.

     “You won a rock,” he said, in a very bored tone.

     “Cool!” Darkside said. “...Where is it?”

     The Quiggle looked upward.

     “Here it comes.”

     We all looked up.

     “Oh snap,” Staples said, just as a giant rock fell right on top of Staples and me.

     “This was so not worth a hundred Neopoints,” I groaned.

      Darkside looked a little puzzled, but quickly shook it off.

     “Alright then! Now that that's over, who's up for some EXTREME CHOIR?!”

The End

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