A Beginner's Guide to Owning an Edible Pet

Every one of these colors has different advantages and disadvantages. But today we are going to focus on caring for what I feel is the hardest kind of pet to care for. The edible pet.

I have a Biscuit Kougra named Sarahfer227 (Sara for short) who I adopted from the pound, and from experience I can tell you that owning an edible pet is a very rewarding and enjoyable experience, but special effort is needed.

How to get your own edible pet:

1. Painting your pet with a Biscuit or Strawberry Fields Forever paintbrush. (This is how I turned Sara biscuit.)

2. If your pet is a Chia, then by feeding it a Magical Chia Pop. This will turn your pet into a Lemon, an Orange, an Apple, or more depending on which pop you fed it.

3. Getting a lucky zap from the secret laboratory – this could turn your pet Mallow, Asparagus, Chocolate or any of the colors achievable by using the Chia pops. Remember that only certain species can become certain colors.

(Also note that the laboratory could turn your pet Jel...*censored*. Remember children, there is no such thing as “Jelly World”.)

In order to check which pets are available in a certain color, visit the Rainbow Fountain.

Once you have decided which color you want your pet to be, they have agreed that it is something they want and you have checked that none of your other pets object (or will try and eat them), all you need to do to gain an edible pet is to change his or her color. Once you have painted/zapped your pet, you must ensure your neohome is suitable for them to live in, within their new form.

Top 10 tips for ensuring your edible pet has a long and happy life:

1. Keep them away from Skeiths. Skeiths eat pretty much anything, edible or not, so if your pet has recently become edible... be careful.

2. Be sensitive. If you painted your pet Biscuit then make sure you keep the cookie jar out of their eyesight. To them, it may seem like cannibalism. Similarly if you have a Strawberry pet, serving a Strawberry Cybunny Cake to celebrate their new color might not be appreciated. If your pet is Mallow, don’t take them camping. Just use your common sense.

3. Talk to your other pets about it. It is important that they see your edible pet as a sibling, a brother or sister to love and cherish, rather than a midnight snack.

4. Make sure your other pets are well fed. If you continually forget to feed them, they may forget the talk you gave them about your edible pet being a brother or sister to love and cherish, and instead see them as an overgrown cookie/strawberry/marshmallow/je... you get the idea.

5. Make sure you are well fed. If there is one thing more traumatic for any pet than its siblings trying to eat it (which is very, very traumatic), it is its caretaker trying to. You are meant to be looking after your pet, not eating it!

6. If your pet has been zapped mallow or chocolate, keep them away from fire pets and petpets. I cannot stress this enough. Unless you want your pet to be roasted/melted, make sure they are not too close to a fire pet. Also keep them away from the meteor of Kreludor and Techo Mountain.

7. Ban them from visiting: King Skarl (See point 1), the Deserted Tomb (*RAWR ME HUNGRY*), the Cooking Pot (the clue is in the name), the Lair of the Beast (that pterodactyl may well see your pet as dinner), Turmaculus (he may prefer the taste of your pet to that of their petpet) or anywhere else where they may be eaten.

8. Keep them away from Dr Sloth. Who knows what nefarious plots he could cook up should he get his hands on your darling pet. Giant biscuits anyone?

9. Make sure they have a suitable petpet. Mutant petpets, for instance, are almost always a bad idea, as the majority of them have sharp claws and fangs. Halloween pets are also out for the same reason, as it is likely that they may accidentally injure or eat your pet when they were only trying to be friendly. Also, petpets with sharp teeth such as Bartamus and Snicklebeast may start to snack on your pet. A more suitable petpet may be one made of custard, or a plushie petpet (so even if it has sharp teeth it can’t actually injure your pet). Another possible option is a ghost petpet. It will pass right through your pet if they try anything.

And finally the point you have all been waiting for... NUMBER 10!!!!

10. Love them! Just because they look edible doesn’t mean you should try and eat them. Many pets find the change to edible confusing or find it awkward. (This is especially true of mallow grundos, who suddenly find themselves without arms or legs, and have to adapt to hopping around.) This means they need special care, attention and love in order to get used to their change, and to become more confident within themselves.

As well as these, also make sure your neohome is suitable. Whatever you do, do not put your edible pet’s room directly next to the kitchen. This is important in case any of your pets sleepwalk and you want to avoid any nasty accidents. Also be careful in the Battledome. I only just managed to stop one of my neofriend’s pets eating Sara during a fight.

Be prepared for some strange comments, such as “Why would you want to care for a cookie?”; after all edible pets aren’t to everyone’s taste (bad pun fully intended). Just treat them well and avoid making them the main ingredient of any midnight feasts, and you and your edible pet, along with the rest of your neofamily, should have a very happy life.

Sara: Um... Kurai... you're chewing my ear.

Me: >>