Invisible Paint Brushes rock Circulation: 169,514,968 Issue: 293 | 25th day of Hunting, Y9
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Care of the Golden Pet: A Guide by Pet and Owner

by duster119


Duster: Welcome to another great episode of Caring for Very Originally-Painted Pets! This week's pwnful Neopet colour will be... Golden!! *trumpets*

Kitora: This is your first painted pet article, Duster. *sighs* Moron. This may be considered copyright infringement anyway. You know how many of these have been done?

Duster: Oh yeah.

Kitora: Well, anyway, today my idiot owner and I will be teaching you the proper care procedures for the Golden pet! I’ll be commenting on Duster’s article, so watch out for my awesome self, Kitoradoshi the Golden Shoyru. We are VERY unusual pets, if you please, and FAR more superior than the mere Faerie or Fire pet. We are originally pets from the fiery contents of the Sun’s centre, and so our noble lineage can be traced back THOUSANDS of years. Better than what you people can boast, right?

Duster: Umm... Thank you, Kito, for that, um, LOVELY opening speech. *kicks under interview table* So let’s see if anybody knows what the first, most important rule is for golden pet care?

Kitora: Since I’m literally gold and know what I’m talking about, the first rule of golden pets is frequent polishing of the skin. Yes. Skin. Not fur, not hide, SKIN.

Duster: Yep! As Kitora just said, polishing of of the hide with a fresh, clean cloth with floor wax is the best way to keep your pet’s hide slick and shiny! If you want a more sparkly sheen, however, glitter glue has always been my favourite choice for Kitora.

Kitora: SKIN!!! SKIN, DUSTER!! Don’t listen to her. GLITTER GLUE DOES NOT WORK. I’m still getting the last batch she stuck on off. It is NOT FUN. Not even Korrin’s toothbrush got it off.

Duster: Ehehehehe. *Sweatdrop* (That’s why it’s soaked with glitter every night, and her teeth are that weird colour...) Well then, contrary to popular belief, golden pets do not get rusty. They are not made out of metal, and aren’t valuable in the least, they just look like it.

Kitora: Oh, THANKS.

Duster. Sorry, Kito. Anyway, the second most most important rule in golden pet care is that they are pretty much just an opposite version of Silver pets. For example, as Kitora said, Gold pets originated from the sun’s core, while Silver pets are from the moon. Make sure that they get plenty of tanning time! The Lost Desert is an ideal location for this sort of thing – lots of fun in the sun! *Huggles Kitora* He just looks soooo cute in his boxers when he goes out for his tanning session!

Kitora: Duster! Privacy respect!

Duster: Eh, you do. So anyway, golden pets can catch terrible chills in the night. The moonlight and the night air is really bad for them, so keep them inside by sunset, and make sure they’ve got an early bedtime, because they will get sick, indoors or out at night!

Kitora: I should never have agreed to this. This is so embarrassing. But I like the feeling of fame, I’ll get on with it. Anywho, Golden pets such as myself are often ridiculed for our shininess. Legend has it that being so near the sun at our birth, the sun stained us with light...

Duster: Geez, Kitora, I’ve told you enough, those legends aren’t real. Kitora’s so shiny because he rubs himself with sand. All shiny pets must, if they want to keep themselves in the zone of shininess.

Kitora: ...Right. Sand actually cleans dead skin *coughs* - SKIN, Duster – from the gold colour, making us more glistening and shiny.

Duster: Yay! He said it! SHINY!

Kitora: ANYWAY, another thing about us golden pets is that we are very protective of our skin surface. Again, skin, not –

Duster: We get it, can the skin stuff, Kitora, and keep going.

Kitora: Anyway, as I said, we are quite protective of most people touching us. I have a very large privacy bubble, and always have.

Duster: No, really... If you hold his hand in public, he gets so upset! What’s up with that?

Kitora: I wonder why... you know very well people run away from us when they see you in the street.

Duster: Well, we still have some care facts about golden pets, though, right?

Kitora: Sadly, yes we do, Duster. You’re actually correct for once.

Duster: YAY! Can I have a cookie then?

Kitora: *sighs heavily* No, Duster. You cannot have a cookie, and you never can.

Duster: *Wails* I hate you hate you hate you!

Kitora: *pushes Duster under table* *sighs heavily* *again* Alrighty then, it’s time to tell you some more facts about Golden pets and their proper care.

Duster: *grabs Kito’s leg* Take THIS!

Kitora: Ow! *kicks* Anyway, here’s another fact that Duster failed to mention. Golden pets are very sensitive about being blindingly shiny. Our skin reflects light quite well, and teasing us about it (especially me) will most likely result in your doom. Yes. DOOM.

Duster: DOOM DOOM DOOM! Yes, they’re very, very sensitive about that. Besides, looking at Kitora’s skin in the Lost Desert sun could cause permanent blindness anyway, minus the beating up by Kitora. It hurts.

Kitora: She’s right, you know.

Duster: However, in the moonlight, the shining skin of a gold pet will be blistery and awful-looking, because the moonlight isn’t good for them. That’s why every gold paint brush comes with a special cream that remedies this! Make sure you apply it to every skin pore on your gold pet!

Kitora: In private. Don’t just randomly apply it to... embarrassing areas in public. Ripping off your poor pet’s shirt in public to treat a tiny blister wastes cream and ruins MY reputation, Duster...

Duster: I’m sad to say he has a point.

Kitora: Indeed I do, Duster. And let me say this – at least I have a life and I don’t spend all my time on the Internet!

Duster: Oh WOW... I’m so sad that you said that that! You live in the Internet, buddy!

Kitora: Whatever, humanoid. Whatever. Anyway, it’s time to sign off, and we’re glad you took some time out of your pathetic lives to read this article. Bye now! (We'll settle this tonight, Duster...)

Yay! I'm semi-back with articles! I hope you enjoyed it and thanks for reading!

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