Interview with a Meepit

There’s a scream in the distance. A sinister fog twirls at the ankles, snaking around a pair of feet... the branches of a tree creak... there’s an ominous snap of a twig and the rustle of leaves...

And there it is... the most feared creature in all of Neopia (well, except for mashed potatoes). Its blank stare makes even Dr. Frank Sloth shiver... its pink complexion makes the Pant Devil curl up under the covers and cower in terror...

The Meepit.

Well, you see, we did not end up in the Haunted Woods by a mere coincidence. Most wish to visit the Brain Tree, or do a quest for Edna. But no, my companion and I had a much more important mission.

Taylor (raizindaroof) was rolling her eyes, a symptom of what I like to call "a fun-ruiner". She looked at me and said exasperatedly, "Kali, can we go now?"

Most say she has more sense than I (crazy_monkey_luver_3). Nonsense! "Not yet," I told her, bending low to the ground. I prodded a Rock and gasped. "Did you hear anything that time?"

"Kali," she said slowly, as if explaining one plus five equals seven to a toddler (duh, I'm not stupid, you know), "Rocks cannot talk. We've been through this."

"Rocks are underappreciated and I won't have it!" I cried. "They can talk, I'll show you!" I prodded it again. Taylor shivered from the cold. Suddenly, we heard it... an ominous battle cry...

"MEEP!"

I gasped in surprise and bent closer to the Rock, and let out a shriek of happiness. "OHMYGOSH! I THINK THIS ONE SAID SOMETHING!"

But Taylor crouched low and, looking extremely aggravated and somewhat unnerved, grabbed my head and directed me to a low hill where a pink creature was silhouetted against the dark sky. It was a Meepit. And that, my friend, is how we ended up in this interview, though Taylor did so somewhat reluctantly. "They can't talk, Kali, and neither can Rocks," she said, exasperated, but I insisted that Meepits could talk, and that I could prove it to her.

Before I could say a word, however, it let out a cry ("MEEEP!") and before we knew what was happening, the two of us were bound tightly by a rope and the Meepit had a torch lit. Taylor was panicking, but I remained calm and explained what we were hoping for. I asked, of course, "Meep meep, er meepe meepie?" and when Taylor shot me a quizzical look, I explained, "I said it could eat you if we got an interview." She looked mutinous, so I said hastily, "Just kidding!" No sense of humor at all, I tell you.

And here is the said interview with me, Kali, the much-loved translator who has this particular gift of language because she is an all-out Meepit minion. I mean -- I'm just talented.

* * * *

Taylor: Erm, so, Mr. Meepit -- or is it... uh, Miss...?

Kali: *is humming absently*

Meepit: *gives Taylor a blank-eyed stare*

Taylor: *hisses angrily* Kali! Translation?

Kali: *sighs exasperatedly and translates* Meep. Meeeep. Meepo?

Meepit: Meep! Meeep-Meep!

Taylor: Soo...?

Kali: *shakes head* It says it isn't your business to know.

Taylor: *mutters darkly* We aren't going to get anywhere with this interview... Anyway... um, Mr.-or-Miss Meepit, do you have a certain nickname we can call you?

Kali: *turns to the Meepit and translates* Meeep meeper meepieh?

Meepit: Meep.

Taylor: What does that mean?

Kali: *rolls eyes* It says its close friends call it Meep. Durr.

Taylor: Okay, fine, Meep --

Meepit: *whispers to Kali* Meep meepie!

Taylor: What?

Kali: Meep says that it would like a cookie.

Taylor: *claps a hand to her forehead* I haven't got a cookie! Now let's begin the interview, shall --

Kali: Yes, you do so have a cookie. In your pocket, remember?

Taylor: Whatever. Moving on. Well, Meep -- I think this is the main question here, that we're all dying to know, are you or are you not attempting to take over Neopia?

Kali: Meepit Meep FEET Meepirate?

Meepit: Rawr! Meep Meepit! Meemeep!

Kali: Meep says that that's a secret.

Taylor: *under her breath* That figures.

Meepit: Meep.

Kali: But the Meepit has yet to intrude and rule the Space Station in a hostile takeover so that they can find Dr. Frank Sloth --

Taylor: Oho! So Dr. Sloth's involved, eh?

Meepit: Meeperee!

Kali: Meep says that Dr. Sloth secretly likes to be called 'Frankie'.

Taylor: Erm... okay...

Meepit: MEEP. Meeepit. Meepoo.

Kali: Meep also says that they are using a form of hypnotic B.E.S, as they call it, to aid them in their attempt to --

Taylor: B.E.S.?

Kali: Blank Eye Stare. *puts on sunglasses*

Taylor: What, in Fyora's name, are you doing?

Meepit: *looks Taylor in the eyes*

Kali: *Giggles*

Taylor: *goggles and instantly turns glassy-eyed and limp as a result of Blank Eye Stare hypnotics*

Kali: Ooh! Meep meep meeper meep?

Translation: Can you make her do things?

Meepit: Meeep!

Translation: Yes, of course I can. Watch this.

Meepit: *begins a Meepit chant as Kali watches her friend interestedly*

Taylor: LYKKK KALI IS SO MUCH SMARTER THAN MEE. TTLLY!!31334 PWN PWN PWN! MEEPITS SHALL RULE! *she emits an insane, high-pitched giggle*

Kali: MEEEP! Mo meep meep meeoper! Meepo, me!

Translation: WHOA! For once, I'm smart! Okay, Meep, quiz me!

Meepit: Meepit Meep Meepiters

Translation: Three plus three.

Kali: *ponders* Applesauce!

Meepit: Meeep. Meeeeperit. Meeperoni.

Translation: We have so much work to do... anywho. Other than the said Blank Eye Stare Hypnotics, we are also planning Plot 145, which includes the use of our mega-sized overbite. The Meepit cadets need permission from Frankie to use his enlarging laser to make these chompers enormous...!

Kali: Sounds fascinating... *watches Taylor begin to imitate the flying methods of a Mallard* Wow. I've gotta learn B.E.S.

Meepit: Well, I suppose it's only fair to release her...

Kali: But -- ah well. Okay. *watches as Meep chants and blinks. Taylor freezes in the act of climbing a tree and slides back to the bottom on her rear*

Taylor: Ow! What in the name of White Weewoos -- !?

Kali: *secures sunglasses*

Taylor: *feels dazed*

Kali: Meep-er MeepMeep, la-meep?

Taylor: *looks extremely confused* What did you say?

Kali: I asked Meep what else Plot 145 includes. Have you noticed that overbite?

Taylor: What?

Kali: Nevermind.

Meepit: Meeeep meep. Meeperette, Meep meep meep. Meep-o.

Kali: He says that, along with capturing several Feepit warriors --

Taylor: Feepits? I think Feepits rock. Much more than Meepits do, anyway.

Kali: Meeeeep!

Taylor: *sounds worried* What did you just say to it?

Kali: I told Meep what you said about the Feepits --

*Suddenly, the Meepit freezes and twitches. Out of nowhere he pulls out a flaming torch and lets out a cry that could wake the dead: "MEEEEEEP!" Meepits of every variety come and start a riot. Kali begins to chant happily along with the Meepits ("Meeeep... meeeeep...") and Taylor asks, "What are they saying!?" to which Kali replies cheerfully, "They're saying, 'Get Taylor, get Taylor!'" At this point, Taylor begins to run, and through the Haunted Woods she flees, with Kali and her Meepit army charging behind. After what seems like hours, Kali shouts to the Meepit minions*

Kali: Waaaait! Stop! MEEEEEP!

*Taylor has fallen over a root that appeared out of nowhere and falls to the ground, panting*

Kali: Tay -- get that cookie out of your pocket --

Taylor: Are you insane!?

Kali: Yes, but that isn't the point. *sniffs the air* If I'm not mistaken, they only wanted the cookie in your pocket.

*Taylor flings the chocolate chip at the riot and the Meepits dive into a Warfpile, eating greedily*

Taylor: *panting heavily and looks up, shaking* Are you saying that they chased me through the entire Haunted Woods for a cookie?

Kali: Yep.

Taylor: And... it had nothing to do with... Feepits?

Kali: Not that I'm aware of...

*At this point, a large army of Feepits from nearby leap out from behind a large bush and spot the Meepits. It's a tense moment. A ringing silence, and then... they're clawing one another, there are shrieks and battle cries, and Taylor and Kali flee (Kali following somewhat reluctantly)*

Taylor: Never... again... never Meepits...

Kali: It wasn't that bad! Besides, I think the Meepits made some new friends!

Taylor: Friends. Yeah, right.

Thus, the Meepit vs. Feepit war began... Feepits, beware...