Operation Usuki Outta Here

Mwahahahahahahaha! Down with Usuki! *cough* I mean, enjoy the story.

Living with a bunch of little sisters is really tough on a guy like me, especially since the little sisters are huge Usuki fans. My three little sisters are baby Usul triplets, and, because of their “cute looks,” my owner, Katrina, spoils them with anything they want. And the only thing they want, are, yup, Usukis.

      Whenever Katrina buys them a new doll, it’s usually out of MY allowance money. So, if I get a thousand neopoints a month for an allowance, and when she buys three Magical Hair Usukis for three hundred thirty-three neopoints apiece, I get a stunning, huge amount of one neopoint a month. And when she buys three Artistic Usukis for four thousand, seven hundred sixty-four neopoints apiece, I am in debt thirteen thousand, two hundred ninety-two neopoints. The stunning part is, she usually buys around sixty new Usukis every month, so, right about now, if I add together all the months, I am in debt one million, two hundred ninety-seven thousand, eight hundred seventy-five neopoints, and it’s not even my fault. I’m just lucky that Christmas comes once a year, though. I still shiver about how many neopoints Katrina told me I owed her.

      My friend, Karl, a red Pteri, has the same dilemma but in a more gruesome form. While my owner is rich, his is poor, and so he has to eat out of the Soup Kitchen every day, and, on his birthday, he gets a Poisonous Jelly from his owner. I am unable to help him because, since Katrina spends every neopoint she gets on the “Terrible Triplets,” as I call them, I have to eat omelettes every single day. I once went a whole day without food because the omelette was gone.

      Then, one day, when Katrina cheerfully announced I owed her another twenty thousand neopoints, it was over. This was crossing the line, and I was through getting no allowance, owing neopoints left and right while my sisters gleefully played with every Usuki known to Neopia. I decided I had to do something, but what would it be?

      Confused, and deep in thought, I neomailed Karl to visit our treehouse to help me figure out a plan. I arrived shortly past noon, and Karl ten minutes after me. He flew in through the window, as we do to get in, and put the shutters on so no one could come in after us. I lit the fireplace, and we sat around it, discussing what to do.

      “Okay, Karl, I have been driven over the edge,” I began. “And I suppose it happened to you a couple months ago, am I right?”

      “Yup, James, you’re right.” Karl nodded. “So, what’s the plan?”

      “I don’t know. That’s why I called you up here; to figure out a plan. Didn’t you read the neomail?” I asked. Karl grimaced, which meant he had not.

      “All I read was the subject: Meet me at treehouse,” Karl admitted. “Anyway, do you have any ideas on what the plan could be?”

      I thought for a moment. “Well, some vague thoughts passed through my head on the way here, but none of which I think are good. One was burning down all the Usukis, but that would direct the blame at me, and also Katrina will buy them all replacements, meaning my debt will be doubled. Another would be to paint the “Terrible Triplets” different colors, but then Katrina would just paint them back.”

      Karl stopped me for a second. “Hang on, I think we’ve got something here,” he told me. “What is the one color Katrina can’t stand?”

      I sighed. “She doesn’t have a least favorite color. She doesn’t even have a color she can’t stand. She likes mutants and wanted to turn me that color, but she couldn’t get a potion from Sloth. She loves Halloween, and... Oh, this is pointless. And, wait a second, what about YOUR siblings? Your owner doesn’t have the neopoints like mine does. No offense.”

      Karl sighed too. “None taken. How about we sit here until we think of something?”

      I pulled up a beach chair and relaxed in it. “It’s the best idea we’ve got, and the best idea nearly always wins.”

      Karl pulled up his bubble chair next to me and sat down on it. “Agreed, James le Speckled Shoyru,” he said with a funny accent.

      We sat on our chairs for what seemed like hours, but were really only forty minutes. Then, suddenly, I got a brain wave that knocked me off my chair. Karl awoke from his doze at the clatter, startled, then laughed when he saw it was only me.

      “Eureka, Karl, I’ve got it!” I shouted.

      Karl looked at me strangely, but yelled back, “Go on! Go on! Spit it out! Spit it out!”

      “Okay, you know how easily persuaded babies are, right?” I asked Karl. He nodded. “All we have to do is convince them that they need to be cool, and being cool means to be grown up, and grown ups don’t have Usukis! It’s genius!”

      Karl thought cautiously. “But what if our sisters refuse, because they love their Usukis too much?”

      I stood up like a warrior, or a general. “That’s a risk we’ll have to take. Convince the minors or die trying!”

      “Die trying?!” Karl asked worriedly.

      “That’s army talk, meaning you won’t give up,” I explained. Karl still looked unconvinced, but accepted it without complaint.

      We split up, starving, and went home, I to my mansion (because of rooms to place Usuki dolls) and Karl to his house. The “Terrible Triplets” were playing in their playpen and Katrina had just left to go shopping. The nanny was sleeping in Katrina’s bedroom, and I realized that this was a perfect time to set Operation Usuki Outta Here.

      I walked innocently by their cage, and said to myself, “Wow, I’m certainly glad I don’t play with Usukis. They are so babyish, and not grown up. Hey, since I am grown up, that means I am cool. Lucky me!” After my little speech, I clapped my hands in mock excitement.

      My plan worked, and the triplets were interested. “Wut ‘kewl?’” asked Delilah, the second oldest of the triplets.

      “Cool is grown up,” I answered smugly.

      “Aur yoo ‘kewl’, Jems?” Cassidy, the youngest, wondered.

      “Yes, I am. That’s because I’m ‘grown up’,” I explained.

      “I wunnah ve ‘kewl!’” declared Violet, the oldest of the triplets.

      Delilah and Cassidy agreed with a chorus of, “Mwee thoo! Mwee thoo!”

      “Okay, then, act grown up,” I instructed them, trying my hardest trying not to show the grin that was blossoming inside me.

      “Hau wee doo dat?” asked Cassidy innocently. My plan was working beyond its limits, because I could tell the triplets were putting their charm on me. I was so thrilled I fought even harder to contain my joy.

      “Read some books, update your furniture so it’s not that babyish, get a cool paint job, hang out with your friends, do chores, and also battle in the Battledome,” I replied simply.

      “Bwut wut abowt pwaying wif Usukis?” Delilah cried.

      “Usukis are babyish, and to be babyish means not grown up, and grown up is cool,” I said sternly. “In other words, Usukis are not cool. If you truly want to be cool, you will donate your Usukis to other children.”

      “Woe-K,” the triplets agreed forlornly.

      “Okay, then, when Katrina gets home, tell her you want to give up your Usukis, get a different paint job, read some books, get new furniture, and train for the Battledome. Oh, and be sure to do your cute eyes, or else she won’t let you be cool,” I told them.

      “Woe-K,” the triplets agreed, a little happier this time.

      At that moment, the sound of the front door opened, and Katrina called, “I’m home!”

      The triplets squealed and started banging on their playpen door. I calmly opened it, and the tiny midgets started running for the front door. After they disappeared, I smirked as wide as I could and silently laughed. I went to my room and wrote a neomail to Karl: Operation Usuki Outta Here, status: Accomplished.

      From that moment on, I always got my full allowance and never saw another Usuki in my neohome ever again. To me, it truly was a very happy ending.

The End