Still thwarting Sloth's mind control... Circulation: 134,591,299 Issue: 278 | 9th day of Awakening, Y9
Home | Archives Articles | Editorial | Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series

Gross Food: Grossly Misunderstood?

by playmobil_is_my_life


SOMEWHERE, A LONG TIME AGO, IN A NEOPIAN RESTAURANT – In the early hours of morning, a Chia chef was preparing breakfast for a very hungry Skeith. The Chef in the kitchen opened a freezer that had been sealed since Year 2.

“Eww!” he exclaimed, thanking TNT that they didn’t draw him a nose. After all, what sat before him looked like it would smell disgusting.

From inside the freezer sat a leg of Ant Eaten Ham. How ants could actually move inside of a freezer is beyond my knowledge, but trust me, they were there. In the back of the fridge below the freezer was an apple, although it was rotten and wormy.

“Oh well,” the Chia thought, pulling out the abhorrent ham and apple. “Skeiths will eat anything...”

Welcome to the world of Gross Food. Not to be confused with food that is gross, such as sprouts, broccoli, and oatmeal, but gross food as a whole. The story about the Chia and his restaurant is just one of the many tales circulating around Neopia as to how Gross Food came to be.

A topic such as this naturally arouses a question or two. What foods were unimaginable enough to be called Gross? What are these foods made out of? Who decided that “Gross Food” should have its own category? Are all of them really that gross? Perhaps questions such as these are based on opinion or touch on a subject that Neopia has not quite discovered. We do know one thing, though. This food wasn’t called “Gross” for the fun of it.

Gross Food is easier discussed when sorted into three convenient and appropriate categories. Let’s take a look.

Misunderstood Munchies: Looks Can Be Deceiving

We all know that many foods, exotic or normal, taste better than they actually look. Note: I’m not even going to elaborate on how they smell! Seafood, Neggs, and pudding are all great examples of foods that taste better than they look. Beyond their strange-looking exteriors lies a wonderful taste that many Neopians enjoy. Would you believe me if I told you that some Gross Food is simply misunderstood? Check this out.

Finger Crisps: This food says plain as day on the package that Finger Crisps are not actually fingers. (Whew!) They are really banana rice cakes shaped like fingers! Wait, what do you mean you don’t like rice cakes...?

Stick of Butter: This “gross food” just makes me laugh! Sure, a stick of butter is gross, and extremely unhealthy, if eaten by itself, but put it over some bread, veggies, or popcorn and you’re good to go! After all, it’s only butter. Mold, eyeballs, hair, and toenail free!

Duck Neck: I don’t get it... you eat the duck meat, so why not eat the neck too? Just because it isn’t on the wing doesn’t mean that it won’t taste good! Stuffed Frog kind of goes along with this one as well. Neopians eat frog legs, so eating an entire frog (that’s stuffed!) couldn’t be that bad, right?

Crazy Combos: For those pizza-and-ice-cream kind of Neopians

If you think about it, somebody had to experiment with peanut butter or jelly to get the ideal sandwich that we all still eat. What about ice cream with hot fudge or French fries with ketchup? I personally like green beans with ketchup, but let’s get back to the point. Condiments would never have been invented if Neopians just ate everything plain all of the time. Here are some great examples of crazy combos. If you like both foods, then hey, maybe they taste pretty good together.

Waffle Burger - I guess it’s like a hamburger, but that isn’t a meat patty between the two buns. It’s a waffle! This can be eaten at any time of the day because it’s a hearty breakfast and dinner combined.

Bacon and Eggs Ice Cream - Most of us just love ice cream and some of us love it so much as we don’t care what topping is put on it! Bacon and Eggs Ice Cream is a great idea because now you really can have dessert for breakfast. If you’re an ice cream fan, why not try Ketchup Ice Cream as well? Believe it or not, they have Mustard Ice Cream, too.

Peanut Butter Pizza - Now I’ve heard of a lot of strange pizza combinations that actually don’t taste too bad, such as pineapple and ranch dressing (just not all three at once... eww!) but peanut butter is a new concept! Instead of cheese, try peanut butter with your pizza sauce. If it tastes good with jelly, then it might not be so bad on pizza.

Grossest of the Gross: Truly Disgusting Grub

As much as I am trying to stress the, umm, exoticness of Gross Food rather than it’s yuck-factor, some of it is just plain gross. Without further ado, I present to you some of the REAL Gross Foods of Neopia.

Maggot Pizza - Gee, this makes peanut butter pizza look pretty appetizing, eh?

Ham and Hair Sandwich - So... where exactly does the hair come from, a wild Snicklebeast?

Onion Cola - The ultimate way to get horrid breath just before your first date.

Dr. Backwash - With this drink, the name says it all...

Now you should certainly be able to see how Gross Food got its name! Other Gross Foods that definitely deserve a mention in this category are: Brain Kebab, Fantastic Fly Pie, Maggot Stew (more maggots? Yuck!), Rancid Dung Coffee, Swill Pudding, Mud n Mayo Dip, Eyeball Sushi, and Buried Burger.

Questionable Cuisine: Potential Gross Food

This article did require a bit of research on gross foods and just regular old Neopia food in general. While I was browsing through a lot of the food shops in Neopia, and some users’ personal shops, I happened to come across from very “interesting” food items that did not make the “Gross Food” list. Items such as Dirt Pie, Lolly Snot, Stuffed Eel, Wriggling Grub, and Hot Fish seriously made me question why these foods were considered so normal.

While checking out Gross Food, I came across some other Neopian Foods that were rather eccentric themselves. Examples include Faerie Food, Aquatic Food, Medieval Food, Kreludan Food, and Tyrannian Food. After looking over some of the Tyrannian Food, it is a real mystery to me as to why some of the menu choices didn’t make it as a Gross Food. Who actually likes eating Reptillian Wings and Sporkle Legs? We don’t even know where these so-called-edible dinners came from! Then again, perhaps the Tyrannians are related to Skeiths: they will eat anything.

Well, after searching all of Neopia on the lookout for the grossest of the gross, most misunderstood, and crazy combos, I think I’ve made my point and gotten it across: I honestly don’t believe gross food is all that bad. Maybe it’s just a matter of opinion, or maybe it is just “unique” as some like to say. Whatever the reason, I encourage you to at least once in your lifetime, try something on the Gross Food menu.

After all, you don’t know what you do and don’t like unless you try it!

Author’s Note: Thanks for reading! =)

Search the Neopian Times

Great stories!


Diablo's Lab Ratz
What are your Hidden Talents?

by diablous_tiger


Catch of the Day
Even on a day off, Woogy and Jimmi still manage to somehow come across a doughnutfruit...

by indreams


Twist of Fate: Part Two
Manda tried talking to me through the door, and I didn’t want to have anything to do with it. Talking through the door was like advertising to the whole neighborhood what my problems were...

by mandapanda9188


Petpets Time
Part 1: About terrifying shadow

by ximerika

Submit your stories, articles, and comics using the new submission form.