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Ten Steps to Save Yourself from Sloth

by wigglyfish


Yep. We've all heard of Dr. Frank Sloth. He's done all manner of evil things, such as lighting robots on fire and chasing them, taking over the New Features, mutating our pets, and other various things. What if you could humiliate him in public? That would definitely be worth seeing. Of course, you could do other sneaky things to get rid of the green evildoer. Let's see if you fancy any of these ways.

1. Put up Smokey the Gnorbu posters! If you put up those fire prevention posters, then Sloth can't set robots on fire, chase them, and scare you to pieces! Just imagine what it would be like. The robots would be eternally grateful, and, if you're cunning enough, do your bidding....

Amount of safety time: Until the posters fall off the walls, which translates into one week.

2. Smear his robes with pastries, put a frilly tutu in his closet, and "fix" his washing machine. First, you should disguise yourself as a repairman or repairwoman. Dress in clothes that you think would be appropriate for your role, and practice your repairman/repairwoman voice. Arrive at his lair, and then tell him that the villains have been having trouble with their washing machines, so he should let you check for any problems. He'll let you into his laundry room, and you'll whip out your "supplies," which will be washing supplies boxes filled with sugar, lemonade, ice cream, and other things that you think would mess up a washing machine. After you've screwed it up, you'll tell him that the new "Washing Machine Virus" has invaded his washing machine and there's nothing you can do. Then, after he goes to bed, you sneak back and smash all types of messy food into his robes. Then, you can put a frilly tutu in his closet. He won't want to wear dirty robes, as he has dignity, so he'll wear the tutu. Then, you guys can laugh all you want.

Amount of safety time: Until Sloth takes his robes to the cleaners or hand-washes them, which translates into five hours.

3. Alter his calendar. After sneaking into his house in the dead of night again (you bad Neopian!), you can fix up his calendar. Then, all 365 days will be marked as Sloth Appreciation Day. On Sloth Appreciation Day, Sloth can do what he wants. Unfortunately, you'll leave the other calendars alone. Sloth, thinking he can do anything, will be on his worst behavior, thus making the Defenders of Neopia lock him up.

Amount of safety time: It depends on what he does. I'm guessing that he'll be locked up for approximately eight months.

4. Change the letters in Lenny Conundrum number 179. If you can move the letters around, or replace them with new letters, thus creating an impossible code, the Neopians will not be able to solve the riddle and give him the password! Sloth will not be able to get to all of his top-secret files, and he won't get his plans for taking over Neopia!

Amount of safety time: It all depends on when you do it. If some Neopians have already submitted correct answers, you will buy no time, but if you do it very early, you can buy a month, which translates to until he gets new plans.

5. Start hanging out with Zargrold, a.k.a. the Cool Grundo. Start talking to him, sympathizing about how cruel Sloth is to him, and then, when he's completely opened up, ask him about Sloth's secrets. Zargrold will feel that he can trust you, and then he'll tell you about all of Sloth's embarrassing moments, like the time that Sloth bent over to pick up his sludge gun, and his robe ripped in front of his secret crush, Vira. Of course, after you learn them, thank Zargrold, and then go tell everybody about them. Then, sit back, and watch Sloth get humiliated.

Amount of safety time: Sloth has been terrorizing everybody for a long time, so they probably won't forget for a good two months.

6. Plug up his gun. Sloth adores destroying your prized items and turning them into piles of stinky sludge. While you could put all of your favorite items in your Safety Deposit Box, where's the fun in that? You know the old saying, better safe than sorry? Well, I say better silly than safe. When he sleeps (why do a lot of these include sneaking into his headquarters?), take all of his guns, and then plug them up with leftover pastries from #2. Then, when Sloth tries to shoot, nothing will happen! Sadly, his technology is too advanced for the gun to explode.

Amount of safety time: Sadly, Sloth is rather smart, so it'll only take him one day to figure out that his guns are being plugged up.

7. Mess up his bathroom. Well, we all know that Sloth is rather proud of his sickly green complexion, so we can fix this up. Sloth always uses Pea Soap, so his skin stays nice and green. When he's asleep (not again!), take his soap and replace it with Peophin Fragrant Soap. He's always a little groggy in the mornings, anyway. If you don't want to take any chances, you can replace his Rancid Dung Coffee with a Cup of Tea. But before he wakes up, you should remember how proud he is of his messy hair. He always uses a Firestorm Bottle on his sloppy green locks, but you can replace it with Shampoo. Thanks to his Cup of Tea, he won't notice until it's too late. His hair will be slick and neat! D'OH!

Amount of safety time: Only one day, since Sloth probably has more Pea Soap and Firestorm Bottles.

8. Fiddle with fashion. Well, find the issue of Neopian Times during the Month of Swimming. You know, the one that showed all the Unis and Jetsams in bathing suits? Take all of the Uni pictures, and fix them up. Color their bodies green, and then stick pictures of Sloth's head on the models. Then, fix up some paper to make it look like the Neopian Times, and then pass them out and scream, "Sloth wears girly bathing suits!"

Amount of safety time: Like in #5, everybody will remember for two months.

9. Plug up his gun, part two: Instead of clogging up his sludge gun, get some supplies and take them with you when you raid Sloth's lair (now, since I've been telling you guys to do it so many times, I expect that you now do it on a nightly basis). Take his guns, and then take them apart. When you find the little area where the sludge is kept, remove the sludge and replace it with hearts from the Bottle of Love, Mixed Flowers, and other things that are not manly. Sloth will be so embarrassed when he laughs maniacally, gets his sludge gun, pulls the trigger, and shoots flowers and hearts into the Neopian's inventory!

Amount of safety time: Only one hour, since Sloth will realize that you tampered with his gun and refill them with sludge.

10. Make your own guide: These aren't the only ways to torture him! You could invent your own, more creative ways to humiliate him! Oh, hold on, OlGrumpy's saying something. What? I am not being lazy and skipping a tenth step! How dare you say that! Oh, fine. The tenth way is to pay his cooks to ruin the food at his banquets. He'll be serving the food, and then everybody will be gagging, breathing fire (that can be done with some of his leftover Firestorm Bottles), and running out. Maybe he'll even be removed from the Gallery of Evil! Imagine that!

Amount of safety time: The villains are rather smart, so it will only take one week for them to realize that attacking his allies was evil, so they'll let him back in.

If you follow this guide's instructions, you can buy a grand total of thirteen months, sixteen days, and six hours of total freedom! Imagine that!

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