The Unspeakable Truth About Dr. Sloth

Also by virtualmetalclone

I am sure many of you, like myself, are growing bored of the endless ranting from Dr. Sloth's brainwashed minions on how great he is. We all know he is nothing more than a foul smelling giant asparagus look-alike, who frequently gets beaten by Faeries and overweight penguins. So why still do so many of his followers insist on putting us through this endless drivel, when Dr. Sloth, clearly, is far from greatness. As sad as it may seem, many of these misled individuals have their reasons. I ventured to the Virtupets Space Station to see some of the arguments given by some of Sloth's sickeningly loyal minions.

Casually I sat in Grundos attempting to interview those who admitted their support to Sloth. I asked of them their reasons for supporting him. The answers were to be expected, as if they all shared the same brain. It gradually became clear to me why so many people seem to be taken in by these lies. Now I was armed with many disturbingly identical arguments for supporting this tyrant. It was time to see what was what, and to discover the real history of Neopia.

I decided to travel back to Neopia on one of the shuttles. I purchased my ticket and proceeded towards a slightly bumpy and dented shuttle. It looked safe enough, so I climbed into my seat just by the flight-deck. Funnily enough, I found myself having a good banter with the friendly female pilot. Who, to my utter surprise, turned out to be a Sloth minion. She appeared shocked when I told her about the research I was currently conducting. She told me that this kind of thing wasn't usually spoken about on the Virtupets Space Station. This intrigued me, so I added it to my list of things to look into. This pilot seemed extremely loyal to Sloth's cause. Although she was either not so clever, or too wrapped up in the ways of Sloth, as she let out a few things during our conversation that I wouldn't have expected a minion to admit to. She mentioned Sloth's frequent sludging of innocent Neopians' items, but more surprisingly she mentioned his use of brainwashing techniques. After a few minutes of pondering this peculiar slip-up, we landed in Neopia. I bid the minion pilot farewell as I departed to continue my research.

I scoured the Neopedia and trawled the Neopian History archives. I even travelled to the Lost Desert to look into the war that took place there. After some serious digging, it is now time for the Anti-Sloths to put the record straight.

Firstly: Minions claim Sloth did not enslave the Grundo species. They say he rewarded them by mutating them which supposedly "improved" them. This is a total distortion of the truth. Dr. Sloth mercilessly attacked the planet Doran, the home of the Grundo. He then mutated their species, plunging their planet into chaos. What the minions fail to acknowledge is the sudden loss of free will by the mutated Grundos. It becomes clear that the mutation process causes some degree of brain alteration.

Secondly: The intriguing claim that Neopia belongs to Sloth. Minions believe that Neopets shouldn't be in Neopia at all, because it in fact belongs to Sloth. This idea comes from the ignorant claim that Sloth walked on Neopia before the Neopets ever existed. Obviously this downright lie needs to be put straight. The Neopets did not invade Neopia, as so many are forced to believe. Neopets evolved when the Sun started to shine onto the planet when the atmosphere was clear enough for it. Before then, it was simply too thick, which meant life could not exist there. I am no biologist, so I will leave further explanation of this to the professionals. The point is, the Neopets developed via natural ways on this very planet which means Neopia rightfully belongs to its own living life forms, the Neopets. Sloth is not even native to Neopia. We still don't yet know the true origins of this oddity.

Thirdly: All minions seem to be of the opinion that Dr. Frank Q Sloth is kind, caring and even giving. Due to his insistence in handing out his own vile smelling Transmogrification potions to all and sundry. As you may well know, these potions transform your beloved Neopet into a twisted and mutated form. But as explained earlier, we have reasons to believe that these potions can also cause the sudden loss of an individual’s free will. An entry in the Neopian Archives suggests this kind of foul play. The last time Dr. Sloth invaded Neopia, his supporters were not paid for their endeavour, but did not dispute or even acknowledge it. All apart from the one measly coin he gave his highest commander. This is all part of Sloth's evil plan to take over Neopia and enslave its population. Thus causing all who used transmogrification potions to turn on their kin and immediately be compelled to follow Sloth instead. Beware of these cheap tricks, because not only can these foul potions cause severe brain alterations, they make your pet ugly as well!

I furthered my research into this opinion by investigating the claim that Sloth destroys items that don't belong to him. I found the claim to be completely true, although more shocking than I'd first realised. I was shown solid evidence of people having items, ranging in price from a few thousand to millions of neopoints, turned mercilessly into piles of sludge. After many ignorant denials of this occurrence, some minions even tried to convince me that this was to help the Neopian Economy. This idea is flawed. The Neopian Economy is fine as it is, with Ghosts stealing NP and items, Skeiths and Grarrls eating them and people simply discarding them by accident. At least the Ghosts have the decency to donate it to the Money Tree!

Another disturbing attribute of their so-called great leader is the Invasion Tax. This is yet another scheme to extract funds from unwilling Neopians in order to fund his next evil venture. As you can see, the name suggests the planning of a future invasion. The Mining Corp, situated on Kreludor also reeks of something terrible. When I was able to visit I noticed clones entering the mines every now and then. I am lead to believe the whole thing was set up to bleed its resources for the building of ships and weapons for the invasion of Neopia. He could even be constructing them in there. Since it's currently impossible to access it, for now it remains a mystery.

Lastly: I remembered the friendly Virtupets pilot muttered something relating to brainwashing and decided to return to the Space Station for further investigation. This time I boarded nearer to towards the end of the craft as to keep a low profile. I was right to be cautious as it was the same female pilot as I'd had earlier, which became clear when I heard her voice as she used her radio. I didn't want to cause needless suspicion. Although as I sat I heard voices far affront of me discussing the defeat of Sloth and his minions. I decided to follow them as I left the shuttle when it landed. We soon approached a narrow corridor. It was black dark, but after eating many carrots, I could see enough to keep an eye on the people I was following. I observed two Sloth clones emerge from a side door to lead these people down the corridor to a room labelled "Janitors Closet." After some anticipation I decided to follow. The door, to my surprise, was open so I entered and came across a robot sitting at a desk. I asked if this was the Mind Control Lab, to which the robot replied, "What? There is no 'Mind Control Laboratory' here on the Space Station. I don't know what you are talking about. Sloth would never attempt to control the servers run by those pesky Neopets Staff People. So you must be mistaken. Now go! Get out before my trigger finger accidentally slips and blasts you into space!"

I finally got my breath back after successfully running to safety. I then realised that this robot's sudden rush of words coupled with confusion and anger could only mean one thing. The exact opposite of what it had said to me. This became clear throughout the day as I observed no less than eleven more people dragged into the “Janitors Closet” and clearly not coming out again. I cannot know for sure what happened to them. But due to the angry response I received from the robot, I can tell it was not good.

After my brush with death, or worse, a brainwashing session, I decided not to return to the Virtupets Space Station for some time. At least not alone and unarmed, as I feel it is my duty to warn everyone I can about the evil goings on in this place. Even though my research is by no means complete, I am sure I've outlined enough reasons to persuade you to rethink your stance on this deadly menace to our freedom and happiness.

Anyone with an ounce of respect for our lives in Neopia would join the fight against Sloth. So come join us and fight for freedom against Sloth and join the Anti-Sloth movement.