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The Revenge of Albert the Kacheek

by kacheekdude162


So you're here expecting some heroic story about how I, Albert the Kacheek, gained my freedom of the Esophagor? Well, not yet. I'll be getting to that. I think first I should tell you what happened on that faithful night in the Haunted Woods. Don't you think? Either way, that's what I'll do.

      Before I start, there are some things I should clear up:

     I hate gardening (I am allergic to potting soil); plus I didn't go to the Haunted Woods for Gardening. I was on a dare.

      Alright, here is my story:

      It all started on a Tuesday, many days ago. My friends, James, a Lupe, and Max, a Techo, and I were walking down the street when we saw the school bullies, Jed, a Grarrl, Fred, a Jetsam, and Ced, a Skeith, all talking about something they found rather exciting.

      "Hey," I asked them, "did you beat up another innocent kindergartener?''

      Jed, the leader of the three, spoke up.

      "No, we just were talking about how much we'd like to see you and your friends go into the Haunted Woods!" he said.

      "Th... th... The Haunted Woods? I thought that place was dangerous!" gulped Max.

      "Yes, the Haunted Woods!" said Jed.

      "Some people say it is scary enough to make Judge Hog hide under his bed," said Fred, "but we don't understand it. We go there all the time!"

      "Yeah. So we were wondering if you could come with us next time we go," said Ced.

      "What's in it for us?" said James.

      "30,000 Neopoints we won playing Bagatelle," said Jed.

      "Okay, where should we go, and when?" I said.

      "Meet us at the Southern Entrance tonight at midnight!" said Jed.

      "Yeah! Be there, or be called a wimp for the rest of your lives!'' said Fred.

      And with that, they walked away, laughing.

      For the rest of the night I had the 'What Am I Getting Myself Into' feeling. Nevertheless, at night, James and Max and I met at the Money Tree to walk to the Haunted Woods together. Sure enough, Jed, Fred and Ced were there, looking half-impressed and disappointed. They probably were impressed we came, yet they had been looking forward to giving each of us a prompt atomic wedgie when we got to school for not being there.

      "Okay," said Jed, "I'll take you on a tour. We'll go through the Main Part, then we can play games at the Deserted Fairground. If one of you gets eaten, it's not our problem."

      "Yeah!" said Fred and Ced in unison, laughing.

      So we set off toward all the stuff in the Woods. Jed is actually a pretty good tour guide, except for the fact that he makes everything sound gruesome or dangerous: "And so, many an innocent Neopet has gone into Eliv Thade's Castle... and has never come back. Now it is time for our last stop. The Esophagor!!" he would say.

     "Oooooooooooohh..." said Ced and Fred every time.

      They were apparently getting a kick out of it.

      As we approached the Esophagor, I just had a feeling something was wrong.

      "This is where the Esophagor lives," said Ced.

      There was an eerie silence.

      "Ha! There is no Esophagor! I knew it all alo-" said James.

      He couldn't finish his sentence, for a giant blob had risen out of the ground. It was the Esophagor.

      "GUUUUAHAHAHAHA! I need a new servant!" he bellowed. "My other one has become too old to work well."

      He snatched me up and began to pull me into the hole he came out of.

      "NNOOOOO!" I yelled.

      Jed, Fred, and Ced were running away. James and Max kept looking at the path away from the Esophagor, me, each other, the Esophagor, then all four again.

      Finally, they said, "We'll be back, eventually, with help."

      And they ran away along the path away.

      Turning back at the Esophagor I told him, "I refuse to submit to your will!"

      "Fine," said the Esophagor. "I will just have to fight you."

      In shock at his reply, I answered, "Ha! I've never seen you in the Battledome!"

      "You should know by now that just because someone doesn't fight in the Battledome that doesn't mean they can't fight, boy!"

      With that, he pulled a Rainbow Swirly Thing from his 'pockets,' pointed it at me, said some odd words, then there was a blinding flash of rainbow light. When my vision came back, I was lying on the ground with the Esophagor standing over me, laughing his evil laugh. Little did he know that, just to be safe, I brought a Rainbow Gun with me on the way to the Haunted Woods. I blasted him squarely on the nose. He fell backwards, got up and pulled out a Light Faerie Sword from one of his 'pockets.' That was enough for me. Thinking of the promise Max and James had made, I told him I would be his servant.

      He pulled me into his hole. Finally, he spoke:

     "Now that your eternal home is the Haunted Woods, I suppose you should look like it. Now, I don't like Halloween Kacheeks; I guess you'll be a Mutant one," he said.

      He grabbed a Kacheek Transmogrification Potion, and I felt a tingling sensation in my body. I began to change into the ugly-looking Mutant Kacheek.

      "That's better," he said. "That Spotted color looks weird to me."

      And so it was for years.

      That is that night's story. It was worth waiting for, right? Okay, now is the second part.

      During the long time I had to work for the Esophagor, there were millions of jobs I had to do for him. On my last errand ever, I was looking for a Ghostkersandwich when a bush yelled at me.

      "Pssst!" it said. "Albert! In the bush!"

      I thought I was hearing things, but in spite of myself, I looked in the bush. Expecting to see nothing, I saw a clearing filled with people.

      They were arranged in some sort of lines. Each line had 10-15 and a leader. The leaders were James, Max, Jed, Fred, Ced, and a Poogle I had never seen before. Each was wearing a uniform that had a badge that said 'Albert Army.'

      "Am I having a hallucination?" I wondered out loud.

      "No!" said Max. "This is the Albert Army! You're Commander in Chief, James, Jed, Fred, Ced, Katie, and I are Generals, and people behind us are soldiers!"

      "Okay," I said, "but who is Katie?"

      "Katie is the Poogle leading the far right line. Katie, this is Albert. Albert, this is Katie," said James.

      "Hi," we said in unison.

      I told them the plan would go like this:

      The Army would take away any clue that I was leading then so, if the battle failed, the Esophagor wouldn't get me. Without the Commander in Chief, the Army wouldn't work right. Once the Esophagor was worn down, I would come from behind, and get him one last time. We thought that by then he would retreat to his hole, winning us the battle.

      Everyone liked the plan. So it went into action. I sat back and admired the Army's skill, especially Katie's. For a makeshift army General, she fought as if she had been fighting for years! Finally, my time had come. The Esophagor was becoming slower and slower with his attacks. I came from behind and got him with the Rainbow Gun. But instead of retreating to the hole, he shrank and shrank to a minuscule size. The battle was over. I was free.

      Gradually, my life came back. I got my old color, Spotted, back and I became an instant celebrity. Still, one thing was unclear to me. I had to ask someone wise about it. I went to Brightvale Castle. King Hagan is the wisest Neopet I have ever heard of.

      "Hello," he said when he saw me. "Aren't you Albert Kacheek, the young one who shrunk the Esophagor?"

      "Yes, your highness," I answered. "Do you know exactly why the Esophagor shrunk instead of retreating to his hole?"

      "Why, I may," he said. "Is it true you used that same rainbow gun on him twice?"

      "Yes," I answered.

      "Then a very old, ancient, rare, battle event took place," he said. "It is called 'Servant's Revenge.' It takes place when a servant uses the same weapon on his master twice, at least one year apart. Whenever it happens, the master shrinks. Very rare, indeed."

      "Thank you, your highness," I said, before running off, looking for Max and James.

      That is my story. Revenge is sweet. Everybody dreams of it, but this Kacheek lived it.

The End

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