TC: Hello and welcome to Neopia Now! Here at NN we hope to provide you
with all the latest news, gossip, and – most important of all – entertainment.
But what is NN, I hear you ask? Well, maybe I don’t, but I’ll tell you anyway.
Neopia Now is, most accurately, described as an entertaining show in written
word. Imagine watching Chomby and the Fungus Balls at the Tyrannian Concert
Right, now replace the band with Sebastian the mad Chef Kiko, Arthur the ranting,
reviewing Kacheek, Thomas the sport-obsessed Mynci and myself. Change the Concert
Hall for the article you are now reading and you have in your hands (or on your
screen) Neopia Now.
But first, the news you need to know.
Firstly, the almighty Snowager is on the prowl…for insurance. Yes, that’s
right folks, you heard correctly! Old Snowy wants to claim Home Insurance that
will cover…yep, you guessed it, theft. Every time an item is stolen from
his lair, Snowy reckons he should be allowed to claim the same amount in Neopoints.
Funnily enough, no one has rushed to sign him a contract.
Oh, news just in! One very worried Neopian would like to report a missing Petpet.
Young bobby_supastar has offered a reward to the supplier of any information
leading to the retrieval of his Pet Rock. When asked for a description by the
authorities, he said: “He’s very lazy, and doesn’t move about much…I last saw
him at the beach.”
Finally, reports are flooding in of suspected Chet Flash sightings around the
woodlands of Meridell. One such sighting came from the Potato Counter Kacheek
himself. “Oh, aye! Oi saw that thur Chet Flash, Oi did!” he told our interviewer
just yesterday. “Big fella, ‘e was! All brown wit’ green ‘air and didn’t loike
to move around much…ar, no, wait, that be trees, roight? Thought there
be one too many o’ him…anyways, I hears that they does hate the water, these
Chet Flashes…or be that Angelpi?”
Needless to say, the rest of the ‘sightings’ are not being taken for granted…
But now to Sebastian the mad Kiko Chef for his Recipe of the Day!
Sebastian: Thank you, TC…but I am most certainly NOT mad! Quite the
opposite, I assure you! I’m as sane as the next Kiko Chef…it’s my ingredients
that are mad as hats!
Anyways, today we shall be making something to make your Jetsam happier and
your avatar hunting easier! What is it…?
Pepito Pie! Mmm, chomp-licious!
For Pepito Pie you will need: 1 Pepito (2 Pepito, 3 Pepito, PIE!!!), pastry
and some fish food. The Petpet and pastry are for the pie, the fishy food is
for the little Pepito! Got to entice it into the pie somehow, right?
Now, roll-out the pastry and place it into a Pie Tin. Sprinkle the fish food
into the pie base and the Pepito will literally jump in! Then just bung on the
pie top, roast it over a spit and violins! Instant Pepito Pie!
…well, little Pepito? Jump in, now! Chomp-chomp!
…why you shake your head ‘no’? Get into the pie for the nice fishy food!
…you is a BAD Pepito! Yes, you are! You know what happens to naughty
Pepitos that don’t jump into the nice pie for roasting, don’t you! They…get…thrown
into the pie!
OW! You bit me! Wrong chomp, naughty Pepito! Now kindly wait whilst I suck
my thumb until the owie goes away…
…Mmm? What is this? I taste like a Turkey Dinner! I must cook myself for the
greater good of the Gourmet Club!
This is Sebastian, preparing myself for marinating, saying goodbye to all and
TC: Erm, yes…someone put him back into his straight-jacket ready for
the next show, will you…? Thanks.
Well, I hope you all managed to write-down that rather interesting recipe…or,
of course, you could just ram the poor little Pepito down your Jetsam’s throat,
but let’s change the subject, okay?
Arthur, I believe you have one or two books you’d like to review…?
Arthur: Aye that I do!
First off, there’s the Neopedia: No plot, little imagination, terribly jumpy
and about as gripping as a soccer ball made of water. Some say it helps increase
your pet’s intelligence by the bucketload. Frankly, I think your pet would learn
more by trying to nail jellies to the ceiling of your Neohome.
Secondly, the book known as “The Radio Active Pteri Part I” was all the rage
in Neopia, with it’s glow-in-the-dark cover…and pages…and binding. Really, it
makes you wonder why it’s only just been removed from mainstream circulation.
Maybe it was all the three-eyed readers going around recently…
Finally, if “Mynci Horror” is supposed to be scary, then that species should
have a look at what’s living under my bed.
That’s it from me, but next time I’ll be reviewing stoneman3x’s new autobiography
“Really…You Thought I Was Going to Say Confused, Didn’t You? Well, I’m
Not, I’m Going To Call This Book Really Perplexed!”
Let’s just hope that the rest of the book isn’t written in the same style…
TC: Thank you Arthur for your harsh-yet-honest reviews.
And, finally, to Thomas for a Sports update.
Thomas: Bad news, I’m afraid, TC! The first-ever eagerly anticipated
Maraquan Soccer Tournament has been called-off , due to the pitch being flooded.
On a similar note, this year’s Ultimate Bullseye tourney is also cancelled
as the Turtum running the event is recovering from his injuries. The miscreant
that swapped the arrows for rubber replicas is still being sought for.
Better news now as we’ve just been told that Ace Zafara has won the latest
Advert Attack contest. When asked how he felt, he began with : “I’m absolutely
delighted with my continued success,” when a businessman popped up out of nowhere
to ask him to sponsor Whitey Whites Washing Powder (“100% proven to make your
whites whiter than the whitest white Weewoo”).
Lastly, the Cliffhanger is stuck, not knowing what “*ookkee*e*” could possibly
be. My advice to the brave Tuskaninny: look it up.
TC: Well, that’s all we have time for today, but let me just mention
the Neopia Now Journalist Competition! We here at the NN are always on the look-out
for new news stories. If you think you have the most interesting, funny, entertaining
news article, then Neomail me…the winner will feature in the next edition of
the NN, along with a Neopian Times Trophy (I’ll put you down as the collaborator).
So until the Pant Devil starts his own Charity Shop, stay tuned to NN!