The Argument of a Anti-Sloth

Also by jamesuk2

We all know that Dr. Sloth is the unquestionable ruler of the universe and will conquer Neopia sooner or later. So why then are there some who oppose him? This question has puzzled my fellow minions and me since Our Master’s arrival at the planet. It seems incomprehensible that there would be anyone who could not recognize Sloth’s obvious greatness. Yet despite the fact that Sloth will rule all, there are anti-Sloth Neopians in existence.

Just the other day when I was flying a shuttle full of passengers to the space station, I noticed a handful of Grundo travellers peering over their lunch trays and discussing the similarity between Sloth and their grilled asparagus. As a Virtupets pilot, I couldn’t believe that they dared make such as disrespectful comparison. However, I believe that Neopian citizens who fail to see Sloth’s superiority should be at least studied before they are taken somewhere quiet for a brainwashing session. After all, we don’t want this anti-Sloth movement to spread. It’s best to understand why they’d oppose Our Master.

After hearing the comments made about Sloth, I loyally got up from my cushy pilot seat and went over to have a chat with my passengers. I was very curious as to why anyone would dislike our worship-able evil genius. By talking with the antis I learned two very fascinating things:

1. It is extremely inadvisable to leave the controls as a pilot and go talk to passengers. I would now recommend that you always leave someone in charge of a space ship that’s hurtling up through the atmosphere. Incidentally, I hit a good quantity of orbiting space junk and had to spend several hours repairing dents before my Virtupets commander saw them. ^_^;

2. There actually are reasons for opposing Sloth! This astounded me! Okay, they obviously aren’t good reasons, but there is some motive to be unsupportive of Our Master.

In fact, the Grundos I talked to were astonished that I worked for Virtupets and was a Sloth minion. They immediately jumped to the conclusion that I was evil and malicious, and we quickly got into a rather heated argument over Sloth’s greatness. It wasn’t until after we had landed and I was desperately mending dents on my shuttle that I had time to reflect upon what they had said.

So why would an intelligent Neopian be an anti-Sloth? Well, there are several reasons from what I gathered…

Firstly, there seems to be this myth that Our Master had enslaved the Grundo species for nefarious purposes. The Grundos I spoke to felt very strongly about this. They insisted that Sloth captured and mutated their species to build an army for the purpose of world domination, and that this evil deed labelled him as a villain.

Sloth’s particular habit of zapping items into sludge also disagreed with them. They saw this as only wicked destruction. Not only that, they insisted that his invasion tax was nothing but robbery and believed that it should be abolished.

Then they disliked the entire concept of Sloth taking over and ruling Neopia. They possessed this strange idea that it would ruin our planet and leave all neopets as slaves to his will. They seemed to think that a Sloth-topia would literally be the end of the world and that as all of his previous attacks had caused suffering, his future ones would too.

Their last argument was that Sloth looks like a vegetable and therefore could never be a competent ruler. They stated that anyone that resembled their grilled asparagus was probably equal to it in intelligence. I failed to see the logic in this reason, but after all, they were antis…

After much reflection, it seemed to me that the reasons for being an anti-Sloth were based on false impressions about Our Master. As I critically inspected the scratches on my shuttle, I came to realize that if these false beliefs about Sloth were corrected, those that oppose Sloth would indubitably see the error of their ways and join his army.

Later on as I was flying to another space station, I began to think about how the antis were wrong. First of all, Sloth did not enslave the Grundo species. As any competent Virtupets employee knows, the Grundos that assisted Sloth were volunteers and they were rewarded later on by being made stronger with Sloth’s magic transmogrification potions. Besides, Sloth wasn’t mutating them with the potions; he was improving them. So in fact Sloth was actually giving the Grundos an evolutionary boost in return for a bit of military aid. Is that slavery? I think not.

As for frying items into sludge, Sloth probably does this to help out with Neopian economy. (Isn’t he thoughtful?) More to the point, sludge has many useful purposes. Sloth has even published a cook book that provides many usefully nutritious suggestions for preparing delicious sludge-filled food. So you see? Sludgifying items is not mindless destruction. It’s actually providing new ingredients for the culinary arts.

The issue of the Invasion Tax is rather troubling. Yet I feel it is necessary to point out that Dr. Sloth has not invaded Neopia recently. In fact, for all we know he could be secretly putting those donated neopoints he takes on the money tree. So is it really robbery? I am quite confident that whatever Sloth does with the neopoints he borrows, they are put towards the greater good of Neopia.

We know that in the past Sloth has made a few attempts to rule Neopia, but each time he was thwarted by antis. So how do we know that it would be a bad thing to have Sloth as our ruler? As a Virtupets employee, I can assure you that he would advance our planet with his technological knowledge and provide a better lifestyle for all of us. The Grundos I spoke to had had this silly idea that he would enslave everybody when he dominated the world, but I believe that with him in charge, we would prosper and live freely. (Well, we might have to take the occasional transmogrification potion, but is that really so bad? I know that I’ve always longed for an extra eye…)

As far as Sloth’s appearance goes, he is a bit green…however, that does not mean he wouldn’t be a great ruler. And I have no doubt that after he takes over Neopia, a light green complexion would be the latest fashion trend. As far as his hairstyle goes, who can deny that three green spikes are dangerously stylish? There can be no similarity between him and any form of vegetable. I think that antis who make comparisons like that are secretly jealous of Sloth’s incredible taste in fashion.

As you can see, there really are no good reasons for opposing Sloth. I can only hope that by disproving the antis’ reasons for fighting him they will see the error of their ways and become minions of the Great One. I sincerely wish that any antis who read this article will consider their position and question if it’s really worthwhile to be an anti. After all, Sloth will take over Neopia sooner or later, and I’d hate to be against him when he does. ^^