Visiting Virtupets: Tourist Tips

Now, the tourism that the Space Station gets does give Virtupets a financial boast; however, there are one or two... problems... that we get from having too many tourists snooping around the premises. Therefore, I’ve compiled a short guide of tips for you touristy minded Neopians. I hope that this will ensure that any camera wielding citizens don’t end up hanging upside-down in a small dark room... er... not that they would...

So here are some things you should do at every Virtupets facility. I would highly recommend following these tips. (After all, I wrote this when I was supposed to be flying a transport shuttle and I ended up crashing it due to the fact that I was watching my typewriter instead of the windshield.)

Don’t enter doors that say, “Do Not Enter”

Now, as a general rule, tourists should stay in the main area where all the shops are. In fact, we Virtupets fighte- I mean employees have conveniently placed ‘Do Not Enter’ signs around all of the doors we do not want you to enter. Despite this seemingly simple concept, there’s always the odd visitor that stumbles down a corridor and finds themselves face to face with a Virtupets Death Ray. Err... not that there are any in existence, of course. But I must advise you tourists not to go outside of the public areas.

If you should find yourself in an area of the station you shouldn’t be in, (not that there are any) the best thing to do would be to avoid opening any doors, and to approach the nearest security guard. We Virtupets employees are always more than willing to escort a lost tourist to the nearest memory rendering facility and- err... I mean, we’ll show you the way back without any trouble. ^_^;

Looking the other way

Throughout my career as a Virtupets pilot, I have discovered that there are countless occasions when it is better to pretend you didn’t see anything. So when you are purchasing a new pair of hyper-gravatonic boots and you see a Virtusquad team dragging a giant laser beam though the shop, it’s best if you turn towards the nearest observer and strike up a conversation about the weather. Ignoring things is always the best solution.

Of course, you’d never see anything you shouldn’t as there is nothing within Virtupets that you shouldn’t see, but if you should see something that wasn’t supposed to be seen, ignore it. And forget about it, so that we won’t have to make you forget- I mean, so that your mind will be at ease...

Rumors

There are a lot of rumors circulating about what is going on behind the scenes at Virtupets Space Station Orbital #4. I heard someone saying that the great Dr. Sloth himself was residing in a secret area of the Space Station and building a robot army out of used forks. Not only that, the other day, a visitor approached me and asked if it was true if anyone who ate at Grundo’s Café ended up waking up the next morning as a worker in one of the Kreludan mines. Such ideas are completely ridiculous. There is absolutely no evidence that Sloth is at the Space Station, and even if there was some, it wouldn’t be true, because he’s not. I don’t understand how these rumors get started, but they should never be believed.

The Space Station is perfectly safe for all tourists; there are no reasons to think otherwise. And don’t be the one spreading the rumors either. As an employee, I can tell you that it’s a great pain to trace these lies back to whoever started them and then arrange for a meeting with them and our commanders. And brainwashing people is never easy- I mean, ensuring that the rumors are ignored is never easy; it would just be better for us all if you didn’t listen.

Incidentally, if you think you did see the Great Dr. Sloth in the Space Station, (even though you wouldn’t) you should do the right thing and tell the nearest guard. This is a precaution so that you can be guided to the nearest- err... I mean, so that we can make sure that Sloth really isn’t there. He is, after all, a villain.

Snooping around

Don’t do it. If you are purposely opening the ‘Do Not Enter’ doors and running around asking suspicious questions for whatever reason, we at Virtupets will be most displeased. There is no reason for snooping as we have nothing to keep hidden. In fact, the rest of the Space Station contains a few empty warehouses and several custodial closets. So why would you want to look around, anyway?

While we're on the subject, don’t go through the crates in the warehouses. They contain dangerous- Erm... they only hold dehydrated beef and mineral water so there’s no point in curiously opening them. People who come to the Space Station to snoop around usually end up on a distant planet with- err...well, they are escorted home. We at Virtupets want to assure you that we have nothing to hide, but that doesn’t mean we want visitors running around the premises and sticking their noses in everything.

In conclusion, we want tourists to come to the Space Station for fun and safe visits that involve spending lots of neopoints. So if you follow these simple tips, there’s no reason that you should arouse any suspicion from our security guards. (Not that you would.) By staying in the public areas, overlooking any incidents, and ignoring rumors, your visit to Virtupets should be enjoyable and full of real memories. So, what are you waiting for? Take a trip to Orbital #4 today!

... But maybe first you could do me a favor and follow me to the memory modifying ray for a visit... ^_^;