The Neopian Band Review
Hello, my fellow Neopians, and welcome to the biggest, most radical, review of
music ever written down! Or written up if you're vertically challenged!
In this article I will be asking questions that have plagued mankind for millions
of years! Questions like: "What's in?", "Who are THEY?" and the ultimate question:
"What shall I wear?" I, your music guru, will show you the path to musical enlightenment,
and will leave your ears ringing with the latest music!
The first objective for me was to check out the site for the gigs. I scaled
the forbidding Tyrannian Plateau, and after some harsh bargaining with the mean
ticket collector, I was allowed in. I'd like to say, never enter into harsh
bargaining with that ticket collector. He halved my bank balance.
It's pretty roomy, and the stacked stone blocks provide good seating area if
your legs, talons, or flippers get tired. The band plays on a raised platform,
and the entire place is loaded with stack amplifiers. Listening to one sound
check got my eyes throbbing, and I quickly realised this place was as hardcore
as a place could get. The simplistic area pleased me, and I was awaiting a performance
While I surveyed the gig, I met up with some fans, awaiting the arrival of
their favourite band. They were all wearing certain merchandise relevant to
the band they were going to see, so I highly recommend you bring your Moehawk
Finally, as the sun set, the crowd around me waited with anticipation as a
band ventured into the spotlight...
A three piece Moehog band, these fellas like to jam. It's composed of a guitarist
with keys, an okay drummer, and a lead guitarist who certainly knows how to
get some serious feedback and distortion. I particularly liked the fact that
both the guitarists had time to play their riffs. The drummer let them down,
though, as he was not too involved. Their image should definitely be copied,
so I recommend that before you see them at a concert, you should rip the sleeves
off your best T-shirt and dye your hair an interesting colour, such as orange.
The night went fine, and I was soon headbanging with the best. All in all, I'd
give this fledgling band a 5/10.
Chomby And The Fungus Balls (CATFB)
One of the most famous bands in Neopia, this band is led by an entrepreneur
Chomby, who stuns the crowd with his massive afro and dazzles with his cool
shades. His backing vocals are composed entirely of well trained Fungus Balls
who want to impress, and leave you chilling with the rest of the crowd. This
band has so much merchandise, they even have special merchandise such as: 'Seasonal
CATFB Pencil' and 'Seasonal CATFB Mug.'
Whether you're in school or cooking in the kitchen, it's hard not to see an
emblem of this famous group. Whether it's their music or marketing strategy,
this band has been rolling in money ever since they formed. I give them a 6.5/10.
These guys know how to be cool. Their laid back style of music and their dark
suits tell you they're the masters of cool. As this isn't music you can headbang
to, I had difficulty getting into the groove, but soon found their unique rhythm
and swayed with everyone else in the packed concert hall. The music seems to
throb through you like some sort of heartbeat, and I soon realised I was watching
an amazing band. These guys attract huge numbers of people; this band is a must
see. Even if you have no place for jazz, you could learn a lot from them on
the matter of dress sense. These guys are in, and will be for a good while yet.
Jub Zambra and the Cobrall Charmers
This unique style from the Lost Desert interested me. I'd looked into some
of the coolest bands around, and I knew this band would be incredibly different.
The band is led by a female Jubjub, who gets so involved in her flute she seems
to go into some sort of trance. The band create a very exotic image for themselves
by charming venomous Cobralls that sway in their baskets like pendulums. I have
to say, their style of playing amazed me. Because of this band's arrival into
the music world, four new instruments were released, and I was itching to get
my hands on one.
This HAS to be the loudest, boldest band from Kreludor. This boy band, composed
entirely of orange Grundos are happy to create some serious noise. Their attitude
was brilliantly shown, and I instantly began headbanging once they shot into
a bone-shaking intro. My head was full of guitar riffs and listening to them
made me want to unleash a proper heavy metal primal scream. I don't recommend
any type of clothes for this band, as anything goes when they play. This band
impressed me greatly, and I instantly went out to buy a Gruundo Guitar and poster.
This band scored a 7.5/10.
The Neopian Philharmonic
I have no idea where this orchestra originated from, and after the amazing
Gruuundo, I was pretty sure this orchestra wouldn't break the ice with me. I've
never been into classical music, and I doubt I ever will. I decided to go along,
as if I didn't, this review would have a gaping gap, which simply wouldn't do.
I wondered how they would get their sweet melodies over such a large area without
any electronic equipment, but soon saw their highly advanced speakers that are
specifically for them. You can buy these speakers in Neopian shops, if you're
prepared to pay a few thousand neopoints for one. I found their music soothing,
and I surprisingly found myself enjoying it. I'm still not a fan of classical
music, but this orchestra were very good, and they even gave me a free hat afterwards.
I must say, these people know how to play classical, and although I wouldn't
buy their merchandise, I would definitely recommend this to someone who likes
this style of music. Because of this, I'm giving them an 8.5/10, my highest
The Twisted Roses
I had no idea what a thrilling time I would have at this concert hall, and
this band cut a brilliant finale. I was in the now packed concert hall, screaming
and headbanging as complex guitar riffs screeched into my soul. This wizened
group clearly have experience, and are nearing their pension. Their old age
doesn't stop them from putting on a good show, and I ended up worshipping their
gnarled Blumaroo guitarist. The night was full of flashing lights and frantic
drum beats. I loved everything, and found their bassline perfect. As a person
who plays bass guitar, I resolved myself to buy a Twisted Roses Speaker, but
I'm certainly going to have to save up. This band were amazing, cool, and knew
how to party, so I gave them a 9.5/10.
Even now, I have not covered all the bands that play in the Concert Hall, but
I believe I have included the best, the most interesting, and most talented
groups, bands, and artists in this review. I have been amazed and stunned by
performances here, and I can see the Tyrannian Concert Hall is a brilliant place
to host a gig.
Even so, I think new bands will crop up in the future. Twisted Roses may have
been given a 9.5, but I'm sure in the near future a group will appear that will
be awarded a 10. I await this group patiently, and all I can say to you is ROCK