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The Neopian Band Review

by iamskot


Hello, my fellow Neopians, and welcome to the biggest, most radical, review of music ever written down! Or written up if you're vertically challenged!

In this article I will be asking questions that have plagued mankind for millions of years! Questions like: "What's in?", "Who are THEY?" and the ultimate question: "What shall I wear?" I, your music guru, will show you the path to musical enlightenment, and will leave your ears ringing with the latest music!

The first objective for me was to check out the site for the gigs. I scaled the forbidding Tyrannian Plateau, and after some harsh bargaining with the mean ticket collector, I was allowed in. I'd like to say, never enter into harsh bargaining with that ticket collector. He halved my bank balance.

The Gig:

It's pretty roomy, and the stacked stone blocks provide good seating area if your legs, talons, or flippers get tired. The band plays on a raised platform, and the entire place is loaded with stack amplifiers. Listening to one sound check got my eyes throbbing, and I quickly realised this place was as hardcore as a place could get. The simplistic area pleased me, and I was awaiting a performance hungrily.

While I surveyed the gig, I met up with some fans, awaiting the arrival of their favourite band. They were all wearing certain merchandise relevant to the band they were going to see, so I highly recommend you bring your Moehawk T-shirts along.

Finally, as the sun set, the crowd around me waited with anticipation as a band ventured into the spotlight...


A three piece Moehog band, these fellas like to jam. It's composed of a guitarist with keys, an okay drummer, and a lead guitarist who certainly knows how to get some serious feedback and distortion. I particularly liked the fact that both the guitarists had time to play their riffs. The drummer let them down, though, as he was not too involved. Their image should definitely be copied, so I recommend that before you see them at a concert, you should rip the sleeves off your best T-shirt and dye your hair an interesting colour, such as orange. The night went fine, and I was soon headbanging with the best. All in all, I'd give this fledgling band a 5/10.

Chomby And The Fungus Balls (CATFB)

One of the most famous bands in Neopia, this band is led by an entrepreneur Chomby, who stuns the crowd with his massive afro and dazzles with his cool shades. His backing vocals are composed entirely of well trained Fungus Balls who want to impress, and leave you chilling with the rest of the crowd. This band has so much merchandise, they even have special merchandise such as: 'Seasonal CATFB Pencil' and 'Seasonal CATFB Mug.'

Whether you're in school or cooking in the kitchen, it's hard not to see an emblem of this famous group. Whether it's their music or marketing strategy, this band has been rolling in money ever since they formed. I give them a 6.5/10.


These guys know how to be cool. Their laid back style of music and their dark suits tell you they're the masters of cool. As this isn't music you can headbang to, I had difficulty getting into the groove, but soon found their unique rhythm and swayed with everyone else in the packed concert hall. The music seems to throb through you like some sort of heartbeat, and I soon realised I was watching an amazing band. These guys attract huge numbers of people; this band is a must see. Even if you have no place for jazz, you could learn a lot from them on the matter of dress sense. These guys are in, and will be for a good while yet.

Jub Zambra and the Cobrall Charmers

This unique style from the Lost Desert interested me. I'd looked into some of the coolest bands around, and I knew this band would be incredibly different. The band is led by a female Jubjub, who gets so involved in her flute she seems to go into some sort of trance. The band create a very exotic image for themselves by charming venomous Cobralls that sway in their baskets like pendulums. I have to say, their style of playing amazed me. Because of this band's arrival into the music world, four new instruments were released, and I was itching to get my hands on one.


This HAS to be the loudest, boldest band from Kreludor. This boy band, composed entirely of orange Grundos are happy to create some serious noise. Their attitude was brilliantly shown, and I instantly began headbanging once they shot into a bone-shaking intro. My head was full of guitar riffs and listening to them made me want to unleash a proper heavy metal primal scream. I don't recommend any type of clothes for this band, as anything goes when they play. This band impressed me greatly, and I instantly went out to buy a Gruundo Guitar and poster. This band scored a 7.5/10.

The Neopian Philharmonic

I have no idea where this orchestra originated from, and after the amazing Gruuundo, I was pretty sure this orchestra wouldn't break the ice with me. I've never been into classical music, and I doubt I ever will. I decided to go along, as if I didn't, this review would have a gaping gap, which simply wouldn't do. I wondered how they would get their sweet melodies over such a large area without any electronic equipment, but soon saw their highly advanced speakers that are specifically for them. You can buy these speakers in Neopian shops, if you're prepared to pay a few thousand neopoints for one. I found their music soothing, and I surprisingly found myself enjoying it. I'm still not a fan of classical music, but this orchestra were very good, and they even gave me a free hat afterwards. I must say, these people know how to play classical, and although I wouldn't buy their merchandise, I would definitely recommend this to someone who likes this style of music. Because of this, I'm giving them an 8.5/10, my highest score yet.

The Twisted Roses

I had no idea what a thrilling time I would have at this concert hall, and this band cut a brilliant finale. I was in the now packed concert hall, screaming and headbanging as complex guitar riffs screeched into my soul. This wizened group clearly have experience, and are nearing their pension. Their old age doesn't stop them from putting on a good show, and I ended up worshipping their gnarled Blumaroo guitarist. The night was full of flashing lights and frantic drum beats. I loved everything, and found their bassline perfect. As a person who plays bass guitar, I resolved myself to buy a Twisted Roses Speaker, but I'm certainly going to have to save up. This band were amazing, cool, and knew how to party, so I gave them a 9.5/10.

Even now, I have not covered all the bands that play in the Concert Hall, but I believe I have included the best, the most interesting, and most talented groups, bands, and artists in this review. I have been amazed and stunned by performances here, and I can see the Tyrannian Concert Hall is a brilliant place to host a gig.

Even so, I think new bands will crop up in the future. Twisted Roses may have been given a 9.5, but I'm sure in the near future a group will appear that will be awarded a 10. I await this group patiently, and all I can say to you is ROCK ON!!!

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