How to Prepare For, Survive, and Cope with a Meepit

Preparing for a Meepit Attack

My first tip on preparing for the terrible occurrence of a Meepit attack, for, eventually, everyone will be attacked, is keep EVERY SINGLE POSSIBLE OPENING IN YOUR HOUSE securely locked or sealed with wax, glue, steel, clay, or snot. This way any Meepit excepting extremely creepy Ghost Meepits, which we will cover later, will not be able to enter your Neohome, I think. My second tip is keep lots of cheese; it discourages Meepits, for it is their enemy. For Ghost Meepits, Garlic Cheese will keep them away, if it exists at all. My third tip is that you should ALWAYS have any device that could sense invisible things activated, in case of freaky Invisible Meepits *shudders at the mere thought of the matter*. That way you will always know if an incredibly sneaky Invisible Meepit spy is around and watching you. Also check for hidden objects that could pose as a danger to humans or pets. Those are my expert tips on preparing for a Meepit attack.

Surviving a Meepit Attack

This section is mostly for pets with helpless, cowardly owners like Mickey and Adrianne, my owners. If Meepits attack your Neohome, stay calm and… WHAT AM I SAYING! You are actually supposed to freak out, scream, and kick and punch any Meepit you can possibly reach with your bare paws! Try and protect your owner(s) and sibling(s), if you have any at all. Attempt to shove cheese down the offending Meepits’ throats. Try to avoid getting hypnotized by their empty, haunting, terrifying stares. Get every single solitary battle weapon in your current possession, and several others. And, if possible at all, get a Feepit, because they are the sworn enemies of Meepits. My sister SakuraRyu, who lives on my owner Adrianne’s account stargazer4lifetime, uses her Cobrall Dagger when Meepits are afoot. When the Meepits eventually do leave, do a head count (if necessary), check out everybody to see if they are still in their right mind, and, if you wish, curl up on the floor and scream and cry till your brains fall out and you go crazy. If you do not wish to do that, attempt to clean up your now ravaged Neohome, or you could leave that horrendous and incredibly terrible job to your entirely innocent, pathetic owner(s) to complete entirely by himself or herself (or themselves).

Coping With a Meepit Attack

When it comes to coping with a Meepit attack, it is best to seek psychiatric help. If you are like most people, you will undoubtedly be slightly traumatized. It may help to go to a psychiatrist and get on some medication.

If you are like me, you will not be very affected at all. You WILL be forced to go to family therapy sessions because your owner(s) thinks you are keeping your feelings “pent up inside yourself”, as doctors word it. All that will do is anger you, you tell them, but NO, they don’t listen. They never listen.

You may be like some of my other siblings, like Blenchita and RosadaCorazone, who loathe Meepits and my owner, rosadaflame/prettydragon10/naturegirl338/dynamicduoam, who now loves Meepits, who are permanently traumatized by the event of a Meepit attack.

You could also be like the rest of my family, who are now security freaks.

They really don’t like my Meepit army, even though they are tamed and enjoy getting dressed up and having tea. I DO mean the Meepits, you know. Not my siblings and owners, I mean the Meepits. I am just trying to get that point across. I worry.

Now, moving on, if your owner(s)/pet(s)/sibling(s) are showing signs of being hypnotized by Meepits, which are drooling, staring blankly, repeating “Must obey Meepit Master” or “Meepits rule the world” over and over in a robotic voice, try and get through to them by saying their name, tapping them lightly on the forehead, smacking them hard on the forehead, or clubbing them with very hard, heavy objects. If this does not work, say “Meepits ate your *insert prized possession here*!” This will probably work effectively.

The Ultimate Aftermath of a Meepit Attack

If your pets/owners experience symptoms of any trauma or hypnosis by Meepits, send a Neomail to rosadaflame or stargazer4lifetime IMMEDIATELY! Your whole family will probably need immediate attention straight away, and I mean it! Trust me on this! Side effects of a Meepit attack include burning, twitching, oozing, and moderate to severe brain damage, itching, and wheezing, sneezing, coughing, dreams of Meepits popping out of nostrils or ears, vomiting, crying, rocking, screaming, forgetting, and ultimately brain disintegration. This is the kind of thing that needs immediate attention, for crying out loud! I mean, think of the mess you’d have to clean up! What a nightmare! I would not stand for such nonsense, I tell you!

Now here comes the terrible cost of rebuilding your now ravaged Neohome. It all depends on what walls you have, what furniture you have, and what was destroyed beyond recognition. If you have Jelly, Chocolate, or Asparagus rooms, the Meepits undoubtedly ate them all up. You shall have to start from scratch, carefully building your Neohome, or you could hire someone! The same goes for all other damaged rooms! If you have damaged furniture, your owner can buy some new furniture! The costs of all this are immeasurable, so leave it ALL to your owner!

I am glad you have read this article and, by the way, I take absolutely no responsibility for any permanent or temporary injuries sustained while following my instructions! Have a nice day, and watch out for Invisible Meepits!!

WHOOT!! First time in NT!! Comments accepted & appreciated!