An Interview With a Game Hero: a Certain Alien Aisha

So here I stand, inside of the Magma Blaster control center alongside this certain Alien Aisha, looking out on the rocky land below. Straight ahead of me is a large volcano, with boiling magma playfully oozing out of the top of the cone, and brightly colored lava rocks spouting out of the mouth of the volcano almost rhythmically. At the base of the volcano, five Tyrannian villagers run back and forth in an orderly line. From the control center, the Alien Aisha is firing his laser at each lava rock to harmlessly blow it up. With this as the setting, I began interviewing the Alien Aisha.

Nut: Hello! Thank you for the honor of interviewing you today, Mr. –

Alien Aisha: *startled* You’re going to interview me?

Nut: Yes, if you don’t mind, Mr. –

Alien Aisha: *presses button on control center* *speaks into hidden microphone* A Neopian life form has invaded my blaster center and is demanding to interview me.

Hidden Speaker: *crackle* Let it interview you, but be on the alert. Do not reveal any information that could be used against us, but satisfy the Neopian’s curiosity. We want to maintain good terms with Neopia.

Alien Aisha: Roger. Over and out.

Nut: Umm…Mister…er, what’s your name?

Alien Aisha: I am here incognito and do not wish to disclose personal information at this time.

Nut: Oh, I understand. What should I call you, then?

Alien Aisha: Uh…what have you been calling me thus far?

Nut: “Alien Aisha”.

Alien Aisha: Continue to do so, then.

Nut: Oh, come on. There are so many game players who are dying to know your name! If I could get it published in the Neopian Times, it would be a huge hit. Please?

Alien Aisha: Er…perhaps your readers would be satisfied to know my initials. You may call me A.A.

Nut: *to self* Ooh! I got a valuable piece of information! Whee! His initials are AA…what could that stand for? Albert Alien? Andrew Aisha? This is going to be great for spreading rumors!

AA: These Neopians are such simple folk…perhaps I don’t need to worry about this interview…

Nut: Anyway, back to the interview. The first question is…where are you from?

AA: Outer space, of course.

Nut: Right, of course. So what are you doing in Tyrannia?

AA: It is purely for diplomatic reasons. Our Alien Aisha ambassador wanted to make sure that Neopia respects us and deals with us in a friendly manner, and what better way to ensure that than to come and save a few lives?

Nut: That’s smart. Did you volunteer for this dangerous mission, or were you chosen as the most skilled alien for the job?

AA: I volunteered. It was such an easy way to become a hero. I hardly even have to do anything. All these Neopians come and shoot the lava rocks for me all day long, and then I get the credit as being the game’s hero.

Nut: I see. Could you give me some details on how your laser blaster works?

AA: I’m afraid it’s top-secret Alien Aisha technology. I can’t tell you.

Nut: I have to wonder, though, why your blaster is tuned exactly to the six types of rocks that shoot out of this particular volcano. How could you know what the rocks would look like? Or can your blaster shift to match any kind of rock coming from any volcano anywhere?

AA: It’s a very complicated device. You wouldn’t understand.

Nut: *eager* I’m sure I would! Tell me!

AA: Well, the blaster takes in 125,348 fibrons of raw magmateous energy every second, and it feeds the resulting 10,899 zapatrons into the central lavrunic heater, which expels the energy in a blast of concentrated bouldeous power. Simply put, 125,348 = x energy - .825 + 3.008 1(280) 3.566 = 23,850 . 10,899 - 82¼…

Nut: *blinks* Um, right. I get it.

AA: I hope the Alien Aisha terminology didn’t confuse you.

Nut: Um, no, not at all. Moving on…

AA: *to self* I knew I could divert that question.

Nut: Next question. How long did it take you Alien Aishas to invent the magma blaster?

AA: Oh, it was quite simple for us technologically advanced aliens. It is a very new device, however, and I am proud to have the honor of using one of the first blasters in existence.

Nut: What gave your inventors the idea to make a laser that destroys lava rocks?

AA: It seemed like a cool idea for a new gadget. Mainly we invented it for fun; using it to save the Tyrannians from an active volcano was a bonus.

Nut: Really, though, it seems like sort of an inefficient way of saving five pets. Couldn’t you just go down and tell the Tyrannians to get away from the volcano?

AA: Where’s the heroism in that? There’s no glory in issuing an evacuation order.

Nut: I guess not.

AA: Besides, have you ever tried to tell something to a Tyrannian? *sniffs* I’d have an easier time shattering a rock than I would getting a message through their thick heads.

Nut: And, in fact, you make a point of shattering rocks.

AA: Correct. Why do you think I used that as a comparison?

Nut: Oh. Um…next question. How is it that the volcano doesn’t burn the Tyrannian villagers? I would think that the heat would be hurting them after so much time and the pools of magma would scorch them.

AA: *proudly* The Alien Aishas are the reason why the Tyrannians are able to prance around the base of the volcano like this. We projected an invisible energy shield all around the volcano and over the ground so that the lava cannot possibly hurt them. The villagers are in danger from only one thing: the magma rocks.

Nut: Wow, that’s amazing. If you could do all that to protect the Tyrannians from the erupting volcano, why didn’t you just put up a shield to keep the rocks from hitting them, too?

AA: It’s much more impressive to shoot the rocks. You can be sure that no one would even care if we just put a shield around the whole thing, but shooting rocks seems more like active participation. Sure, it might be a little more dangerous for the Tyrannians, but it looks a lot more heroic.

Nut: Wait a minute. You’re saying that blasting lava rocks really isn’t necessary and is basically just for show? You could protect the Tyrannians more efficiently and save more lives, but you instead choose to put them in danger so that you can look good?

AA: Er, no! Not at all! *gulps* These Neopians are smarter than I thought…I must be on my guard…

Nut: *triumphant* Don’t try to hide it, Mr. A.A. I knew all along that this was a clever scheme so that you could get in the spotlight. Why don’t you just admit that you blast lava rocks to nurse your own petty pride?

AA: No! No! *to self* This is terrible! If word gets out about this, my mission to Neopia will have failed completely!

Nut: No? Then why don’t you tell us the real reason you blast rocks?

AA: I blast rocks because…because I want to give all the Neopians a chance to have fun playing a great game so they can win lots of Neopoints! That’s exactly why I blast rocks!

Nut: Oh. Well, that’s a good reason. Come to think of it, I haven’t played Magma Blaster three times today yet. Mind if I take the controls?

AA: Go ahead. *dashes out of the control center* That was close…I’m never letting any Neopian interview me again…

So there you have it. The answers to many questions circulating around this great new game, straight from the Alien Aisha’s mouth! Now maybe you'll wonder a bit less while playing this great new game...

*zaps magma rock*