Why You Shouldn't Bug Jhudora

1. One thing that you should never say to Jhudora is:

“Why don’t you try giving out some nicer prizes? I hear Illusen gives out cream cookies for her first quest, which are much better than your mildly dangerous poison lollypops-”

Of course, this is as far as you’ll get because at this point Jhudora will have shoved the poisonous lollypop into your mouth, forcing you to eat it and you’ll have to stumble away from her cloud over to the Healing Springs.

2. Upon returning from the Healing Springs with a fairly sore jaw and a broken lollypop stick, do not say:

“Gosh, Jhudora, can’t you be nice like the Water Faerie at the Healing Springs?”

This won’t go over well with Jhudora and you’ll have to walk back to the Healing Springs with a broken lollypop stick stuck in your mouth.

3. If, at this point, you’re foolish enough to return, do NOT walk up to Jhudora and ask for a new, unbroken lollypop. If you do this, you may end up with two broken lollypops in your mouth.

4. After your third visit to the Healing Springs, don’t head down to Meridell to try and help out Illusen. Jhudora will catch wind of this and she will NOT be pleased.

5. After successfully completing all of Illusen's Quests, don’t go anywhere near Jhudora's Cloud while reading the Earth Spell Book you got from Illusen. Jhudora may decide to turn you into a very unpleasant looking mortog, if you make this mistake.

6. If you DO accidentally read Illusen's Earth Spell Book in front of Jhudora and she DOES end up turning you into a gross mortog, do NOT hop onto her lap. Hopping onto Jhudora's lap will cause her to be greatly disgusted and she may either zap you into a pile of dust or throw you off her cloud.

7. Let's say she chooses to throw you off her cloud and as you’re falling a kind air faerie saves you. Do not, under ANY circumstances, shake your small webbed mortog fist at her cloud. She WILL see you and she WILL throw a toxic shroom at you.

8. So now you’ve dodged the shroom and you decide to pick it up and throw it back at her cloud. Bad idea. Jhudora doesn’t take kindly to shroom throwers, and especially not those who throw shrooms at her cloud! She’ll probably send her Bartamus after you.

9. Okay, so you’ve been turned into a mortog and are now being chased by a completely insane bat-looking creature with claws. A good idea would be just to say sorry at this point. But, of course, you’ll probably just decide to throw your Earth Spell Book at the bloodthirsty Bartamus. This will probably either knock it unconscious or cause it to become even angrier!

10. Let's say you knock it out. Well, all right. You’ve just knocked out Jhudora's favorite petpet. Good job! If I were you I’d run away quickly. Unfortunately, you’ve been turned into a mortog so all you can do is hop and croak in a very desperate fashion. Of course, Jhudora WILL catch you. And we all know what she does with naughty mortogs… off to ‘KISS THE MORTOG’, with you!

11. All righty then, so now you’re a participant on Kiss the Mortog. Unfortunately you ARE the mortog and if kissed, you’ll either explode or turn into a prince. Being as it’s a 50% chance either way and your luck so far has been terrible, you’ll probably end up exploding… but let’s say you turn into a prince.

12. Well this is just super (If you weren’t a girl before you got turned into a mortog)! But what exactly are you going to do now that you’re a prince? Well, obviously Jhudora won’t let you off that easy. If you DO get turned into a prince, she’ll probably just turn you right back into a mortog. (There’s really no way to escape it, you’re destined to be a mortog!)

13. Now that you have had your three minutes of non-slimy skin, you’re back to your mortog form. This sure stinks… Literally. Well, at least Jhudora gave you some nice pirate clothes to dress up in… wait… uh-oh! Apparently she’s signed you up for ‘petpet cannonball’!

14. So now you have survived petpet cannonball and been launched into space, or got stuck in the cannon because you aren’t really the right kind of petpet for this feat. Well, let's say you get launched into space. It’s really quite nice on Kreludor, but being a mortog you don’t breathe space air!

15. Luckily, you find your way over to the Café Kreludor, where you can breathe normally and get a space helmet. This, however, does not seem to please Jhudora, who comes after you and forces you to leave the café and kicks you off Kreludor.

16. Oh my… Falling from a cloud is one thing, falling from the moon is another! So you fall… and you fall… and you continue to fall until you land right smack dab in the middle of the open ocean. You look all around you, but there doesn’t seem to be land for miles. Well, there’s nowhere else to go but down, so you dive down under the waves. Good thing you still have your space helmet form Kreludor. It’ll help you breathe underwater.

17. You swim down, down, down and finally you find yourself in New Maraqua! Seeing the famous restaurant ‘Kelp’, you head in to see if you can find a seat. Of course, ‘Kelp’, being a classy restaurant, prides itself in not allowing mortogs inside. So, you’re thrown out by two very large and angry looking Maraquan Skeiths.

18. That didn’t go too well and now your helmet’s cracked. Darn! So you speed swim over to Underwater Fishing where you can breathe easy again. But, unfortunately, you don’t have another helmet so all you can do is sit and wait for Jhudora to find you. Being a magical and mildly obsessed evil faerie, Jhudora finds you rather quickly and takes you back to her cloud where she forces you to say:

“Jhudora is the most beautiful faerie ever, more beautiful than Illusen and Fyora and Taelia and Jhuidah and all the other faeries put together.”

Over and over and over again for twelve hours until you can no longer pronounce the spoken faeries' names anymore!

19. At this point, you are probably feeling very irritable, and when Jhudora tells you she wants you out of her sight you shouldn’t but do reply:

“Yeah, well, you aren’t that great to look at, either!”

So now you have to praise Jhudora for another hour so that she doesn’t turn you into a Sludgy! Unfortunately, that doesn’t work and she ends up turning you into a Sludgy anyways!

20. Was it worth it? I don’t think so. Next time, you may just be better off keeping your mouth shut around Jhudora. Or just don’t do her quest! But now it’s too late for that and you have to trek back to your neohome leaving a trail of sludge behind. You’ll also have to explain to your neofriends and family why you slightly resemble a pile of dung with eyes. Oh well, maybe next time you’ll just do Illusen's quest and not bother with Jhudora. That does, after all, seem to be the safest strategy.

     -Super Mom

P.S. Well, those are all the tips I have to offer. Right now, I have to go hide from Jhudora. After all, she’ll be hearing about this less than flattering article soon and I’d rather not be around when she ‘lets off steam’. I like my non-mortog skin just fine, as it is, thank you very much! If you have any further questions…

Unfortunately, Super Mom never did get to finish this postscript; when we went to her home, all that was left of her was this article and a trail of sludge…