Cruelty in Numbers

Usually strolling around Neopia (I happen to frequent the boards) we can see the sad truth in people’s lookups - they have chosen the ‘name generator’ option, and many innocent pets begin life named Fluffy65738284947320.

Naming pets in such a brutal manner is completely wrong! For example, let’s put ourselves in their shoes for a moment. You’ve met a new friend, work colleague, or mailman. Things are going well, but then you’re asked your name. It is, queue drumroll, rollo84379849586. Would that NOT be embarrassing?

Pets need snappy names that roll off the tongue, give effect and reveal their personality. For example, if you were to imagine your pet as having a slightly-evil name, adjectives to incorporate may be such things as ‘Crush’, ‘Violet’ (Think about it) ‘Destroy’ or weapon names, for instance. Then, you should take your adjective and twist it a little bit. Sophisticated things to end your pet name would be ‘estia’ ‘alia’ ‘imus’ ‘ilia’ ‘estius’ and so on. Remember to butch up or feminize it as your heart desires. So ‘Destroy’ on an evil female pet becomes ‘Destilia’, ‘Destalia’ and so forth. On a male pet, ‘Crush’ becomes ‘Crusimus’, or ‘Crusestius’. Just an idea, and look how much more aesthetically pleasing it is.

But wait, what if a good, true, heroic pet is more your bag? Well, rethink such fondness attatched to names such as Fluffy and Rover. Watch with the power of imagination names that SEEMED good at the time transform into...well, not as much of a curse for your pet. ‘Fluffy’, using today’s rules, can become ‘Flufestia’, Rover becoming ‘Rovimus’. Much more attractive.

But hold your Peophins! Yet MORE adjectives can be added for a supremely good-sounding pet. When we hear words such as ‘Brave’ ‘Beautiful’ and ‘Honour’ we cannot help thinking of goodness. Instead of conjuring up Bravimus, Beauilia and Honalia this time, yet MORE sophisticated endings can be teamed up. Try ‘nuic’, ‘phus’ and ‘ienne’ for a starting point.

Next, I decided on a guide to be taken into consideration next time you adopt or create that much-wanted pet. Here are some Dos and Don’ts of naming certain species, and how to avoid displeasing your future pets.

Unis - Unis are usually proud and vain, and should be regarded as such. Pamper your little prince or princess - a male Uni will perhaps look regal or brave to you, so stick to royal-sounding names or adding a weapon name before your sophisticated ending word. (Try to avoid ‘starrydungius’ though). Whereas female Unis are beautiful, preening, dare I say spoilt? Try to stick to beauty product names, or Victorian sounds, even words connected with romance. Try a sophisticated ending to make your little Princesses name roll of your tongue. (Unis LOVE to make a good impression).

Ixis - Down to Earth, sturdy creatures are the Ixi species. Stick to element names, but avoid vegetables. (Cabbagius somehow doesn’t seem too flattering) For males, more masculine natural features such as ‘Wood’ and ‘Earth’ would suit, but for female Ixis, I suggest feminine elements, flowers, ‘Sun’ and ‘Moon’.

Lupes - Lupes look super-strong and heroic. It seems a task to create an evil persona for a Lupe, but often I am proved wrong. Stick to very masculine sounds, and when choosing an ending, avoid endings featuring the ‘a’ sound. Stick to ‘S’ endings. I suggest masculine sounds such as ‘Ed’ and ‘Tro’. For females, don’t over-feminise. Stick to ‘Tril’ and ‘Jai’.

Aishas - Aishas are the sophisticated sort, and they WILL value their names. The Aisha has such a sleek-looking appearance, I would suggest feminine sounds for BOTH male and female. After all, there are plenty of Aisha males in Neopia painted bright pink or Faerie! So for males, stick to ‘Au’-a nice silent sound to begin, or ‘Len’. For females, more feminine noises. ‘Li’ and ‘Rey’ seem to work.

Krawks - Krawks are the cool-looking customers in Neopia, and as we know, quite coveted. For males, beef it up with harsh sounds-‘Cli’ (as in ‘Clint’) and ‘Tre’ work well, whereas females look great with lots of ‘R’ or ‘G’ sounds, I would suggest ‘Rea’ and ‘Gla’.

Kougras - Kougras are the playful sort, and would benefit with a pet-related name, a domestic-sounding name. For males, stick to ‘T’ and ‘S’ sounds, For instance ‘Si’ and ‘Trilo’ (even ‘Tril’ would work.) For females, I suggest ‘R’ and ‘G’-Much like the Krawk. ‘Rilia’ and ‘Gesta’ seem to work as beginnings, plus that as a nickname really works.

Boris - Boris are fairly new and complicated-looking. For males, I suggest ‘M’ sounds, to emulate the mole-looking paws they posess. ‘Mal’ would work. Also, the ‘L’ sound, which I used myself on a Bori, and suits well. In this case, ‘Las’. For females, again don’t feminize too much. Stick to the unusual ‘Y’ sound (As in ‘Yuli’ or ‘Yana’) and ‘D’ (as in ‘Delia’ and ‘Dest’.)

Myncies - Myncies already look quite masculine, and natural, harsh-sounding names work well. For both male and female, stick to ‘G’ (‘Gellius’ and ‘Gen’) sounds.

Cybunnies - Cybunnies deserve quite a regal name, being quite a rare species. For males, use ‘R’ and ‘E’ sounds-‘E’ names are much more unusual, which really benefits a rare pet. I would go with ‘Elit’ or ‘Eras’. For female Cybunnies, the more exotic the better. Use ‘B’ (as in ‘Bey’ or ‘Bah’) and ‘F’ sounds. (as in ‘Feliania’ and ‘Fera’)

That guide did not include all the species, as that would be a truly mammoth task. Try your own alternatives if none of my suggestions tempt you, however I do ask that future owners not neglect the more unusual letters ‘I’, ‘O’, ‘Z’ and ‘K’ when naming a pet, as these sounds at the beginning of a name can be really effective.

Another point in naming etiquette is to avoid the date. I see lots of pets named alongside the date they were created-DB2001, Jake2003 do NOT make for snappy names either-after all, we aren’t named alongside our birthdays. Furthermore, underscores could be avoided. To separate two words/name elements (Sun_Flower for example) is useful, but names such as Jessi_The_Cool again aren’t very snappy. Stick to underscores to divide a desired name if already taken, instead of numbers. Your poor ‘Fluffy’ could end up feeling like just one in a million Fluffies, after all.

It is our duty to remember that all Neopets are individuals, and names represent this. Humans may share the names John and James, but neopet names must be totally original-after all there’s millions of them created constantly. Let’s keep lookups clean and smart, with snappy, original names and happy pets. And the best account names exclude numbers and dates, too.