teh 1337est n00zpaper Circulation: 105,101,325 Issue: 206 | 2nd day of Gathering, Y7
Home | Archives Articles | Editorial | Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series

How to Impress King Hagan with Your Knowledge

by king_kino


You all may know the familiar King Hagan sitting in his throne room. All he asks is a bit of knowledge for you to come into his throne room. After all, the king of Brightvale learns something new every day from the Neopets that look uneducated, but are intelligent in the inside. Are you up to the challenge? If King Hagan agrees that what you said was intelligent, you will be rewarded with a heavy book. Thoughtful of him, eh? He may give you a few neopoints if he feels sorry for you sometimes.

Now, before you attempt to impress King Hagan with your knowledge, you must be prepared. It will not be a pretty scene if you are not prepared. There are a few things you must have with you when you enter Brightvale Castle. Have your heavy book in one of your paws. When you enter Brightvale Castle, don’t you even think about frowning! Why do you think Brightvale was named Brightvale? Everybody in Brightvale is intelligent and happy. For step-to-step instructions, read on.

Step One: Looks

King Hagan would absolutely not permit you into his marvellous throne room if you were dressed in ragtag clothes! Bring your pet to the Beauty Parlour to buy a few grooming products. After that, stop by the Clothing Shop to pick up a few “smart” clothes. King Hagan loves it when you dress in green and gold. He considers those colours knowledgeable. He dislikes makeup though. Avoid them, unless you’d like to be thrown out of the castle and into the dirt (which is also not too kind to your new clothes that you bought for the occasion). Try not to look hideous. A few examples of this is having your pet painted Darigan or Mutant. A few colours may appeal to King Hagan, such as; Green, Yellow, Gold or Royal.

Step Two: Knowledge

King Hagan would certainly kick you out of the castle if you went up to him and simply said “Jelly World does not exist” because everybody knows Jelly World doesn’t exist! Visit one of the Book Shops in either Neopia Central or Faerie City to get a few new books for your pet. Make sure that they are actually full of information! Avoid comic books and picture books. To make this short, avoid books that are actually enjoyable. I suggest history books. King Hagan just adores history about anything. If you have money to spare and much patience, I suggest going down to Brightvale Books to pick up a few books. Most of them actually teach you something.

Step Three: Entrance

How would you feel if someone claims that they are extremely smart and then they just crawl into your throne room! King Hagan would simply lecture you about the importance of an entrance! He will not permit you to Brightvale for many, many months of ridicule! To avoid this, simply remember what I am going to tell you. Straight back, good posture and paws at your side. Do not, I repeat, do not trip! King Hagan will see you unworthy of his time and order his guards to throw you out of the castle! Do not strut, either. King Hagan will think that you think you are better than him. You will, again, be thrown out of the castle.

Step Four: Presentation

Tell King Hagan thank you for taking time out of his busy lifestyle to listen to you. Compliment him, so that when he gets angry at you, he’ll remember the compliment and go a bit easy on you. At this point, you should take out your very heavy book. Turn to your page that you will read out of. Make sure the corner of the page is not folded. King Hagan gets very angry when he sees that. He will run at you yelling, “WHAT DID YOU DO TO THAT BOOK? YOU COME BACK HERE, YOU UNGRATEFUL NEOPET!” At this point, your best chance of survival is to run. Also, make sure that you do not drop the book. The castle floors are very fragile. If you drop your book, the floors will break. Keep a firm grip on the book unless you’d like to discover how strong King Hagan really is. He is very protective about his castle. Make sure you do not stutter when you read out of your book. King Hagan dislikes one who stutters. For your safety and mine, do not stutter. Try not to be too cheery. If you are too cheery, King Hagan thinks that you are making fun of him. If you are grim, King Hagan will get extremely angry. He thinks that letting you into his throne room is a marvellous opportunity. Perhaps bring a book with you and present it to King Hagan before you speak. He will be in a wonderful mood. Try not to move much. Sit in a chair and try not to look at the book much. Do not let King Hagan under the impression that you’ve memorized it. Look at the book every five seconds or so.

Step Five: Afterwards

Now, after you’ve concluded your presentation, make sure to say thank you to King Hagan for taking time from his busy job as king of Brightvale to listen to you again. He will be happier and perhaps be extremely happy when you come back tomorrow. You’re not coming back tomorrow? You should! King Hagan will remember you and give you better grades, which means better prizes! Make sure to visit every single day. If you miss just one day, King Hagan will forget you (he has a very bad memory if it doesn’t involve knowledge) and will not let you in his throne room. The next day, follow all the steps and remember to compliment him before and after your presentation.

Once you’ve visited King Hagan for a month or so, you may have three or four new books to add to your library. Maybe a few spare neopoints. Once you get more experienced, you will get more prizes. If you are not the Neopet that reads in their spare time, I advise you to sell all the books. I suggest getting King Hagan very happy and asking him to sign your book. If you sell that autographed book, you’ll get a very big pile of neopoints! Present King Hagan with a gift before you ask him to autograph your book, and he might even add a small greeting! What does that mean, you ask? Bigger piles of neopoints!

Search the Neopian Times

Great stories!


If You Give a Kacheek a Cookie
Wait just a moment...

Also by hottamale0774

by starcaw


ZZZAAAAPPP! The Petpet Lab Ray is here!
So for some Petpet Lab Ray owners or soon-to-be owners here are some things that you may want to consider before zapping your petpet.

by piperandcaleb


Advanced Guide to Word Poker
Understanding each category is critical to success in this game particularly if you are aiming for a trophy or simply to get the maximum amount of neopoints everyday.

by trailblazer20


Pea Trouble
So troubling for that little pea...

Art by oniamuro

by emmawatsonrocks50

Submit your stories, articles, and comics using the new submission form.