How to Greet Neopian Celebrities

First of all, what is a Neopian celebrity? Or rather, who is a Neopian celebrity? Well, I’m sure you can think of some right now. It’s not that hard! Celebrities are just famous people! Here’s one that everyone should know: Doctor Frank Sloth. Now, see? That wasn’t so hard. Let’s continue on that line... Lord Darigan, Master Vex, Hannah the Usul, the Snowager... You get the point.

Now that the definition has been taken care of, here’s the next step. What do you do? (When you meet a celeb, of course!) Here’s an easy step-by-step guide:

1. Meet and greet.

2. Have a nice little chat.

3. Say your goodbyes.

We’ll tackle this one by one. You can bet what will be mostly spoken about, the greetings. Well, the meet and greet is fairly important, because it’s one of those first impression things.

Greeting people isn’t all that hard either. However, you’ll have to be careful with celebrities. Some of them are extremely sensitive to the way you talk and others won’t care for a pile of dung. But remember to be polite! Everybody appreciates good manners, even evil masterminds.

The circumstances will surely require a certain amount of adaptation. Depending on the time of the day, the scenario that you’re in and who the celebrity is, you’ll have to improvise if the normal greetings don’t work out. So don’t stick to the instructions with superglue, but open your mind and bend on it a little. This is a guide, not a creepy big scroll with rules!

At this point, make sure how you want to greet. Do you want to talk to the celebrity? Or only touch a moment of fame? For the lazy people, a short ‘hi’ will do since they don’t really want a long chat with the famous person anyway.

For all you others out there who actually want to chat, the greeting will vary. It mostly depends on yourself and your attitude. A well-clad, polite-looking person is fine with ‘hello’, but those who have spiffy clothes and not always good manners might want to say something else. A plain ‘hello’ won’t cut it for them.

Think of something cool to say that will grab the celebrity’s attention. Don’t make it too long, and make sure you deliver the message correctly so the air will not smell of n00b. Best of all, make up your own opening phrase! (Author’s Warning: Using words with ‘dung’ in it is not suggested since the celebrity might think that they smell like dung and get offended by that.)

Some scenarios require creativity. Let’s say that you meet Sloth on your daily promenade with your pet. What do you do? Your pet probably runs away and hides in a dark corner. You’d probably do the same, if he weren’t staring at you. Here it won’t do with a simple ‘hello’. Well, you know about Sloth, the space and the fact that he likes minions. The best idea here is to take out your ‘I love Sloth’ T-shirt and put it on, before he comes any closer. Make sure Sloth does not walk away until you’re done with putting on the T-shirt, unless you’re very afraid of him.

Bumping onto celebrities (and causing their bags to fly all over the street) is something that occasionally happens. Be prepared to apologize. A lot. Some of them might even yell at you. Don’t get all crazy and yell back, because that’s a recipe for trouble. Just say a little sorry and be done with that. Oh, and keep your voice level low, it sounds more apologetic. It is more effective than yelling an ‘I’M SORRY!’ that the pets across the street can hear.

Now that the exchanging of ‘hello’s and ‘hi’s are done with, it’s time to have a little chat! First of all, decide on how long you want to chat. Sometimes circumstances will leave you with only little time, so you have to live with that.

I assume that you’re clever enough to know how to talk with people, so I won’t go in on that. Instead, I’ll give you a couple of pointers here.

Reading the body language is very useful thing to do, while chatting with anyone. If the person fidgets and shivers a lot, try to keep the conversation short. If they seem amused, it is a good idea to continue. Also, if they’re irritated, it’s best to change the subject.

Bring up the celebrity’s accomplishments. Everyone loves to receive encouragement from fans. Don’t overdo it or they’ll think you’re a suck-up. Also, make sure the things you say are actually true; the celeb will find out if you’re lying. Finally, don’t mix the famous people up. Von Roo does not star in Eliv Thade, Illusen doesn’t live in Faerieland and Princess Fernypoo is not a Gormball champion. If you actually do, try to cover it up or say that you have some memory issues. Celebrities don’t like to be mixed up with other people, that’s one thing for sure!

One last pointer: If you’re doing an interview, there are two ways of doing it. One is to ask direct questions and declare that this is an interview. The other method is subtler. Instead of asking ‘What’s your favorite color?’, say ‘I like blue. Do you?’. If you’re lucky, the star might reply, ‘Oh yes, I absolutely love the color blue! Royal blue is my favorite color!’ With this method, be careful of tripping up and be ready for a few tomatoes coming your way if your celebrity doesn’t like to be interviewed.

Ah, the goodbye! Again, this is the same principle as the greetings. But here, a good old ‘goodbye’ just won’t do. Say something cool or fancy, depending on the celeb. If speaking Tyrannian, a few ‘ugga’s should do it. ‘See you’ or ‘Until next time’ or something like that is not a bad thing to say. Don’t strain your mind by thinking up an elaborate ode of farewell; it just looks weird on a street in everyday Neopia. After all, celebrities are normal people with their own lives.

One last thing on parting ways is the goodbye-wave. If you don’t want to bother with this sophisticated wave, just stick with the one you already know. As for all of you who are interested, here’s the deal. Cup your hand gently, forming a soft arc. Rotate it 90° to the right and then to the left. Repeat this process several times, and you’ve got a wave! It might feel a little bit weird at first, but after some practice you’ll get used to it.

Perhaps you’re wondering how you’ll remember all these things. Memory is an amazing tool, but why not bring Neopia’s biggest newspaper with you? Then you’ll be able to check what to do, in case you ever meet a celebrity.

And remember, celebs are busy and don’t have much spare time. If you don’t meet one, that’s okay. After all, they might be lurking two blocks away instead!

Author’s Note: This article isn’t to be taken 100% seriously. The author doesn’t own any jokes of Sloth or dung, it’s just old things recycled. Any questions, comments or concerns? The reader is welcome to Neomail the author.