Still thwarting Sloth's mind control... Circulation: 105,101,325 Issue: 206 | 2nd day of Gathering, Y7
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Never Trust A Chicken Man: Part Three

by chocolateisamust


Also by extreme_fj0rd

"I thought you said it was fifty Neopoints!" Bo yelled, pointing at the NeoCola can.

     "No, I'm sorry, it's 51," said the annoyed shopkeeper, waiting for his last Neopoint.

     "How'm I supposed to help take over Neopia if penny-pinching shopkeepers like you take away all my Neopoints?" Bo demanded. "I'll, uh... what's that word... baggus... haggus... hag... hagger... hagbag..."


     "That's the one! Haggle!" Bo said, pointing at the shopkeeper. "Okay, okay, anyway, I'll give you 49 for this can of Neocola."




     "Deal." Bo gave the shopkeeper 47 Neopoints, and the shopkeeper gave him the can of NeoCola.

     "Have a nice day," said the shopkeeper.

     Bo wandered away down the street, sipping the NeoCola and composing a sad song in his head about how a green-skinned, chicken-headed villain had kidnapped his pet. He didn't even notice the sinister creature who was creeping along behind him and whose name was Harriett and who is now becoming slightly more important in this story.

     That is, until he wistfully turned his head back, crashed into a wall, and Harriet came rushing to see what was wrong.

     "Owwwwww," Bo groaned as he fell to the ground and spotted a small blue Wocky rushing over to him.

     "Are you okay?" gasped the Wocky, Harriet, who was really sinister but for a moment forgot that and decided to aid Bo.

     "Yes," muttered Bo.

     "Are you sure?" asked Harriet.

     Bo nodded and meekly stood up. "I'm fine," he said.

     "Oh, okay then," replied Harriet, and she walked away. Well, not really away. Just far enough back on the path Bo had been trekking along to be unnoticeable once he began walking again.

     Except, this time Bo did notice her. "Hey!" he called back, noticing that Harriet was slinking behind him merely six inches away. "What are you doing?"

     "Oh, just stalking you!" replied Harriet nervously.

     "Oh, okay then!" shouted Bo. "Continue!"

     And the harrowing search for Yasha went on.

     And on.

     And on.

     And on.

     And on some more.

     And then Bo got bored of searching and fell asleep under a tree.

     Harriet glared at the sleeping Bo. "How am I supposed to be in this story now?" she muttered, shredding a perfectly innocent leaf to pieces. "I mean, really!"

     Bo snored.

     "That's it!" Harriet shouted. "I'm going to --"

     But Bo woke up quickly at her shout. "What, what? Where am I?" he asked, sitting up. "Why is there a tree?"

     "There are no trees! I mean, there is no tree!" Harriet said quickly. "And I don't exist either! Go back to sleep, this is...all just... a dream!"

     "Okay," Bo said happily, curled up, and went back to sleep.

     Harriet went back to glaring at him. "I am going to kidnap him!" she shouted. "And take him to..."

     "Me!" said a very familiar green-skinned, chicken-headed villain, popping out of nowhere and holding a ray gun. He tossed the ray gun to Harriet. "Kidnap on, Harriet!" He vanished again.

     "Aye, aye, sir," Harriet said, but she failed to catch the ray gun; it fell into Bo's hand.

     Bo woke up and quickly jumped to his feet. "Okay, you're all under arrest for... uh... being evil!" he shouted.

     Harriet shrieked and snatched the ray gun. She then pointed it towards Bo and said, "You can't arrest me! You're my first hostage, after all, for when I take over Neopia!"

     "Hey, you can't do that!" exclaimed Bo. "First you randomly appear in this story, just like that Marco dude, and now you steal the former plot! If you're gonna kidnap my story - no pun intended - then at LEAST think of an original plot!"

     Harriet narrowed her eyes and waved the ray gun frantically through the air. "Come with me, young tree-sleeper!"




     "YES!" Harriet then blasted the ray gun, and a zap of bright yellow light went flying through the air, narrowly missing Bo and instead crashing into the tree that Harriet had said didn't exist but really did exist.

     "Hey…" whispered Bo slowly as the tree cracked and leaned over slightly from the damage. "You said there was no tree."

     "I lied!" said Harriet.

     "Hey, she lied!" Bo screamed.

     "Who lied?" asked Mr. Chicken, reappearing briefly before being gone once more.

     "CAPTAIN MARCO HERE TO SAVE THE DAY!" said a random Yurble suddenly, throwing himself back into the story.

     "I thought he was written out?" asked Bo, confused.

     "Not anymore," replied Harriet, laughing maniacally. "Because this is my story now, and I choose who stays and who goes. And he stays. But you go."

     With the blink of an eye, Bo was utterly gone.

     "Why'd you do that?" Marco asked.

     "I dunno," Harriet said, shrugging. "He annoyed me."

     "Well, where is he?"

     "Like I said, I don't know!" Harriet said. "And you're starting to annoy me too, so if you don't stop it, you won't be here either!" She blasted the ray gun at Marco, who jumped aside. It hit the tree again, blackening most of the brown branches and browning the ones that were lucky enough to have been not hit the first time.

     "Hey!" Marco said. "Stop shooting at me!"

     "No luck, pal!" said Harriet, shooting at him again and once more missing.

     "You can't even aim right, why don't you aim for the tree and then you might hit me!" Marco shouted.

     "Good idea!" She aimed for the tree.

     One of the branches fell off. Onto Harriet's head. She fell to the ground. And since the story was no longer Harriet's, Bo appeared again.

     "Wow, what happened?" asked Bo as he popped back into the story out of seemingly nowhere; the human was glancing down at Harriet, who was sprawled out on the grassy ground below.

     "She shot a tree branch with a ray gun, and it fell onto her head," replied Marco, shrugging. "Anyway, where did you go after you were, you know, written out of the story? I mean, I was written out before, but I don't remember where I went."

     "It was really cool!" Bo explained cheerily. "There were all these really cool people and pets there, and my neighbor Pauddman, who showed us where the Minion Union was, gave me some tea."

     "Why was your neighbor there?" asked Marco.

     "Oh, he was written out within the first 530 words of the story," said Bo.

     "Oh," replied Marco.

     All of a sudden, Mr. Chicken appeared, his ray gun in hand. "Which one of you is Marco!?" he roared.

     Marco raised his paw. "Me! Me! I'm Marco!"

     Mr. Chicken smiled, his eyes glinting with evil. "Come with me then, Marco. Yasha the Lupe calls for you."

     "Yasha?" gasped Marco as Mr. Chicken grabbed his arm.

     "Yasha?" echoed Bo, gasping as well.

     "Yes, Yasha!" explained Mr. Chicken, and then he and Marco disappeared into nothingness.

     Bo was left alone, so very alone, so he began to compose a song about his loneliness, and in it, he had a Meepit singing in Meepit-language about how he was the loneliest person ever. It was actually a really cool song, you can pick up the album at the Toy Store in the bazaar. It's entitled 'Meepit and Bo Sing About Being Lonely'.

     After Bo finished composing and singing his song, he went back to the tree he'd been sleeping under earlier and sat down.

      "Where's my ray gun?" an irritated voice demanded after a moment.

     "I think Mr. Chickenhead took it," Bo replied absently. "Why, do you need it?"

     "Yes-- well, no-- well, yes," said Harriet, scrambling up from under the fallen tree branch. "We must avenge the stolen ray gun!"

     "What?" Bo asked. "Hey, I thought you were unconscious..."

     "No, not anymore! We must now go to the Space Station and rescue my poor ray gun from the evilness of Dr. Frank Sloth!"


     "Mr. Chickenhead," Harriet amended.

     "Oh, him." Bo nodded. "Okay, why not? Maybe while we're there, I can rescue Yasha and Marco."


     "My pet," Bo said. "And a friend."

     "Okay, as long as it doesn't take too long," Harriet said cheerfully. "Come on, I parked my spacecraft right over here."

     "Okay," Bo said, and he followed Harriet away from the tree to her spacecraft, which was designed in the Space Station due to its immense technology that only comes from the Space Station.

     Inside the spacecraft, there were buttons and levers that Bo was tempted to pull and push and touch. "What does this button do?" the human questioned, pressing down absentmindedly on a big red button that clearly stated 'DO NOT TOUCH!'

     Harriet shrieked and lunged at Bo, knocking him out of the metallic chair he sat down in. "What did you do that for?" she cried.

     "Do what for?" Bo replied.

     "Press the cliché red button that's always pressed in stories and clearly states 'DO NOT TOUCH!' Why'd you press that button!?" Harriet was fuming.

     "Oh, that?" Bo shrugged, as the spacecraft spontaneously roared into the air due to the fact that he had pressed the forbidden button.

     "Yes, that!" said Harriet. She then heatedly began to pull random levers and push buttons, but alas, nothing worked; the spacecraft continue hurtling itself into the air.

     "What does that button do, anyway?" Bo questioned.

     "It sends the spacecraft, unguided, through the universe! We'll be lost forever!"

     "Oh, that's too cliché to be written in," replied Bo, smiling. "Our authors aren't that bad."

     "How do you know that!? They're the ones who thought of this stupid plot in the first place!" yelled Harriet. "Plus, the one wearing blue pants with an odd, yellow sponge-man on it is writing this AS WE SPEAK! They ARE that bad!"

     Bo sighed. "So maybe they are," he whispered. "But we're stronger."

     With that statement spoken, Harriet nodded at the stupid human, and she began to try to get back control of the spacecraft.

To be continued…

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Other Episodes

» Never Trust A Chicken Man: Part One
» Never Trust A Chicken Man: Part Two
» Never Trust A Chicken Man: Part Four
» Never Trust A Chicken Man: Part Five

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