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Neopian Writers United Inc.

by lemmykoopa300


It was the Month of Relaxing, and it was Neopian writers' season. My friends and I ran home from Neoschool, because it was finally the last day. Irony, the spotted Cybunny, invited the three of us over her house to celebrate. Thing was, what were we going to do?

      We were lying in the grass in Irony's backyard, wondering what to do. We always hung out, the four of us. Irony, Pseudonym the brown Gelert, Metaphor the faerie Zafara, and me, Idiom a blue Yurble. "The Writing Four", the "Geeky Dorks", and "Those Weird Kids" as we were called in school.

      "What do you wanna do...?" Irony groaned. "I am so… bored…"

      "I want to write something… the four of us," Pseudonym said, sitting up. "Maybe… for the Neopian Times?"

      "Nah," Metaphor said as she brushed a few leaves of her fur. "The new writing contest down at the Catacombs sounds like fun. We could give that a shot."

      "Contest?" I said, suddenly interested. "What do you have to do?"

      "You have to write a book," Metaphor said as we walked inside.

      "Anybody can enter too," Irony added. "So you never know if the Faerie Queen or Dr_Death or whoever is going to enter."

      "And we're entering this together?" I asked. "Like… as a group?"

      "Yeah, of course," Pseudonym answered. "Why wouldn't we? We're always together, right?"

      "I'll go ask my mom if we can go," Irony shouted from the steps. "I'll be right back."

      She came back as we were sitting down in the afternoon sun. So many thoughts on stories flooded my mind… would we win? Are we going to be successful? Whatever happened to that comic-

      "She says we can go," Irony said as she came out with a couple of sandwiches and interrupting my daydreams. "If we're back by around four."

      So then we set off to Neopia Central to apply for the job, but the unexpected happened…


      "WHAT?!" Metaphor shouted at the bored Uni in the Catacombs. "We're too young?!"

      "Yes," said the pink Uni in a bored tone. "That's what I said. You need an approval from an owner."

      "Our owners said yes!" Pseudonym said calmly but fiercely. He shook with anger and fear.

      "How do I know you're not lying," the receptionist said, snapping her gum loudly. "You could be lying to me. Just… go home and write for fun, amateurs. It's not like you stand a chance anyway."

      We walked out the door, discouraged and slouching. I turned around.

      "We'll be back!" I said, winking at the bored receptionist. She just shook her head and returned to her paperwork in the dimly lit and badly furnished office.


      "We should make our own contest," Irony said as we walked back to her house. "Like, advertise it and then maybe we'll… do something with the entries."

      "Like, maybe we could Neomail them to people!" I said. "And inspire those to write!"

      "I'll go get on my owner's computer," said Pseudonym. "And make some flyers. I hope she knows how, 'cause she just bought it from the space station…"

      "Meet back at the Catacombs tomorrow morning," Metaphor called as she walked home. "And we'll figure stuff out. This just might take all summer!"


      Soon enough, Pseudonym got the flyers ready to post around town. We walked to the neoboards, to post them around.

      When Irony opened the door, there was a blast of sound. We covered our ears (All except for Metaphor, she brought earmuffs), and stepped inside.

      "Lyk ong," said a cloud Kacheek standing nearest to us in the area. "Ur lyk… paynted!!!!1111one Dat is sooooo 1337x0rz!!!11" He called his friends over as we ducked over to the Neopian Writers' area. It was quiet over there, except for a few newbies with off topic posting. Almost everything was off topic in the neoboards. It was such a disgrace.

      We all started posting the papers around, trying not to get run over by newbies. Soon enough, a lawyerbot came rushing over.

      "SPAM! SPAM!" he screamed robotically as he fixed his tie. "Take some down!"

      And we were forced out of the neoboards for spam. Not that we cared, we really wouldn't touch them with a 20 foot stick. Our owners decided to give the flyers out to friends, and a week later we had submissions up to our ears.

      We set up the office in Irony's basement. We called it Neopian Writers United Inc., and it was getting to be a huge success.

      "Entry from…" Irony squinted and adjusted her glasses. "Lemmykoopa300. Wants pen name to be Lemita…"

      "Lemme see…" I took the paper. "Next 'Get Inspired!' Neomail, average story."

      "Nah, I like it!" Metaphor said. "But I'd keep it for the inspiration pile…"

      "Good news, guys!" Irony's owner said excitedly, bursting in. "Snowflake wants you to become a division of the Neopian Times!"

      "NO. WAY." Metaphor yelled. "That is so… untrue!"

      "No, really!" Irony's owner laughed. "She wants you down there right away!"


      I knocked on the editor's door. We were all nervous.

      "Come in!" we heard Snowflake shout. I opened the door just a crack and she waved us inside. Her desk was piled with paper. Scrawly handwriting in red pen was written on most of them with corrections and mental notes. Finally, after what seemed like hours, Snowflake looked up.

      "We're Neopian Writers United Inc.," Pseudonym said clearly. He had practiced this earlier. "And we were called here…"

      "Yes, I was wondering if you'd like a division in the Neopian Times. I saw your ads that weren't taken down on the neoboards, and one of your owners handed me a flyer on my way to work. That's so sweet of you to try to get people inspired!" the editor said as she motioned us to sit down across from her desk. "If it's ok with your owners, I want your 'Get Inspired!' column in the 'Times."

      "They said it was OK," I replied, peeking over some papers to see if Pseudonym's story was accepted. "We asked."

      "Great. Starting tomorrow, meet me here around one o'clock. We'll work on the column."

      "All right, see you then!"

      "Oh…" Snowflake called as Metaphor began to close the door. "Pseudonym's story was accepted."

      Pseudonym secretly jumped up and smiled. It was his first time in the NT.


      Now it's been about two years, and every so often we have our column in the Neopian Times. Our story teaches everybody a lesson they can learn- never give up.

      We've seen authors retire, authors downright quit, and some that stayed forever. Every week we help Snowflake weed through submissions, pick the quote of the week, and add some inspiration into every issue.

      Since then, we were known as more things than "The Writing Four," "Geeky Dorks," and "Those Weird Kids." We're now referred to as "Those pets who got their dream come true," "Snowflake's helpers," and "The crazy kids who spammed the neoboards that one time." But the one thing we're known as the majority of the time is "Neopian Writers United Inc.," and we'll forever be known as that.

The End

Author's Note: Happy 200th issue Snowflake and Neopian Times writers and readers! May your quill be filled with ink and your pens never a splode!

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