There are ants in my Lucky Green Boots Circulation: 99,276,740 Issue: 197 | 1st day of Swimming, Y7
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Be Adverted

by imogenweasley


GAMES ROOM – I’m pretty sure most of you have played Advert Attack at least once. It started as a pretty fun game where you played Ace the Zafara and raced against the computer-controlled Race Robot by clicking the ‘Go!’ button... But then Sloth appeared. Tired of his failures on his world-domination plans, he sought for an objective easier to achieve: Neopoints. Tons of Neopoints. So he made a deal with several people and companies and he filled the game with adverts. Thanks to him, now besides worrying about being fast enough clicking that ‘Go’ button to win the race, we have to deal with the adverts popping-up and in the middle of our game.

Everybody I know ignores or closes the ads if they’re in the way. After all, the ads are not the point of the game, making Ace win the Race is! But that’s what a game guide writer would tell you. My quest is different; I decided to pay attention to those adverts for once and examine them to find out who were Sloth accomplices this time. I’ll share with you what I found out. I warn you that not all of this is pleasant. But hopefully this article will enlighten you.


Surprise, surprise! I mean, Virtupets? Who would have guessed?! Not me, not at all...

...We all know that Sloth is behind nearly everything that has got to do with Virtupets, right? OK, just checking... NEXT!

Scorchy Slots

It seems that Black Pawkeet Slots and Brucey B Slots were getting very popular... too popular in Scorchy Slots' opinion. Nobody likes others stealing their attention. I believe this is what cornered Scorchy Slots to sign the contract with Slothy. They wanted the spotlight this time. Or at least make sure someone knew they existed. But by making deals with Sloth? Tut, tut, tut... I do hope you remember that next time you feel like playing a slot game and can’t decide which.

The Krawk Corporation

So what IS the Krawk corporation? I hear you ask. Well, I have no idea. I found their adverts but I had never heard of them – which proves how effective those ads really are, eh? - But I do have a couple of theories, so take a seat – if you aren’t already sitting - and I shall tell you.

Theory 1. A group of ambitious Krawks formed this group blinded by the pleasures of Neopoints... I'm suspecting it was the Krawks from Krawk Island. Those pirates are always hungry for gold.

Theory 2. It was Sloth himself, who tiring of having Grundos as his servants, traveled to Neopia looking for another species of Neopets and persuaded a group of Krawks to do business with him.

Whichever of my brilliant theories is the correct one, I learned one thing: Not all Krawks are as trustworthy as many think.


Yes! You can all gasp and cry now. Our beloved Neomail, the service that we use day to day to contact our friends and the great writers of the Neopian Times was involved in this evil mastermind’s plan. There are many Neomail lovers out there. Neomail is sent, received, read and replied to on a daily basis by all the population of Neopia. Sloth used this weakness against us this time. How low! How brilliant, maybe he has a chance to take over Neopia one day. Err... moving on!

The Money Tree

Thought that donating to the Money Tree to help the less fortunate was a good activity? Think again! Research – done by myself – indicates that the Money Tree may not be all about giving and generosity. What are the motives of the Money Tree to take part on the Advert Attack? That’s unknown so far, but the evidence of its crime is there before any player’s eyes. Perhaps the Money Tree only wanted more people to give away stuff and be more helpful, but with Sloth behind this I wouldn’t take anything for granted.


Not only Neomail, but Neofriends too are accomplices in this plot!

Note to readers: Don’t worry, I don’t mean YOUR Neofriends. I bet your Neofriends are good and friendly. Unless you’re someone like Jhudora; in that case, I bet your Neofriends are all brilliantly evil, like yourself.

I’m not sure why Sloth would want to make a deal to have a Neofriends advert. He is a lonely guy, or at least I haven’t seen him in company of any friends, except for an Angelpuss once. Maybe it is revenge. Or maybe he doesn’t mind where the Neopoints come from as long as he gets Neopoints. Yeah, must be that.

The Battledome

The Battledome has a big pop-up to advertise. Hmm, very convenient. Not wanting Neopia to fall in such a peaceful state, huh? Pets go to the Battledome to fight his fellow villains. I wonder if they’re mad at him for promoting this? But I guess it has its advantages, like when pets choose to have a match against the Space Faerie. I bet Sloth loves that. But please nobody tell him that the Space Faerie is way stronger than his silly clones.


Oh, no! Neopets behind this too! We are hopeless now!

Note to readers: Again, I don’t mean YOUR Neopets. Although my Ixi is somewhat shifty-eyed...

It is my biggest fear that Dr. Sloth infiltrated the Neopets Headquarters. But such an advert can only mean that! Who knew what Adam was capable of doing when threatened with a Yullie-Spyder hybrid, or when offered a hefty amount. Of Asparagus, that is.

Mystery Island Training School

Sloth should have thought twice before agreeing to have such an advert. The pets that will be fighting to stop any future plans for domination he has will presumably train here. Or in Cap'n Threelegs' Swashbuckling Academy. I thought he had made an agreement with Krawks too... but then again Cap'n Threelegs is an Eyrie, so it must be a different situation. Anyway, bad choice this time, Slothy.

Food Shop

The food shop. Can you imagine that? All that we eat is somewhat controlled by Sloth! Time for panic! ...or not. I could just be being paranoid. But the food shop? The people you least expect to see involved in this are the ones who are. And that Chia shopkeeper seemed so nice too, even if he sells bitten apples and then says there aren’t refunds.

And that’s all I could find out, because unfortunately your reporter is not too good with games. Blast that computer-controlled Race Robot, I bet it was programmed by Sloth.

The conclusion is to keep your eyes open. If you’re evil, keep plotting, you never know where you can find good accomplices for your evil plans. And if you’re good, beware because you don’t know who you’re dealing with. We are everywhere! Muahahahaha!

Hey! Who wrote that conclusion? I go out to buy a slushie and a mysterious somebody finishes my article. What has Neopia come to?

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