The Modern Neopian's Guide to Manners

     What I have seen over this past year has, frankly, alarmed me. Snide comments. Boorish behavior (Not to be confused with Bori-ish behavior, which is perfectly acceptable so long as dirt isn’t on the rug). Disagreements that go from a whisper to a shout in public.

     In short - rudeness. Rudeness that threatens the fabric of Neopia!

     The Neopian Times has graciously allowed me, Gorel Goldenrod, a section to address some changes in our New Neopia and assist everyone in making our social interactions beneficial to all instead of an empty scratchcard of poor manners.

          Being Courteous to our Varwolf Friends.

     To much hullabaloo, a once-undiscovered species, the Varwolf, has appeared out of the Haunted Woods (Perhaps they were not undiscovered to the ghosts and goblins that lurk within. The persistent fog does not agree with me, and so I never visit.).

     At events, Neopians are excited to meet them - and this friendliness is good! But consider - if the masses rushed you at a public event, would you feel at your best? Or would you feel like the next snack for a hoard of hungry Scarabugs? Perhaps if you represent your land in the Altador Cup, this is not out of the ordinary, but for ordinary citizens, this is unwanted behavior.

     If they have been brought by another guest, let said guest guide the Varwolf around the room, making introductions. They are well aware of everyone’s eyes on them - no need for your paws to be as well. As they integrate into our society, you will meet one in due time. (Myself being a Cybunny, I remember being approached by so many pets, I could hardly go to the market. The attention has lessened, and now I am approached for being the foremost authority on manners in the world.)

     I have it on good authority that Varwolves enjoy such delicacies as Onion Sorbet, Scab Cakes, and Grubs prepared in a variety of ways. While popular on Kreludor, we would call these Gross Foods.

     *Gorel’s editor here. At this point, he put down his pen with a grimace. “Am I prepared to tell Neopians to walk around with Gross Foods just in case they meet an elusive Varwolf?” He asked. Before I can respond, he keeps going. “It would be good manners, but sense and sensibility must come into play at some point - Wait!” He’s struck by inspiration and starts writing again.

     Should you encounter a Varwolf, ask them what foods they’ve enjoyed. Everyone likes to talk about themselves. No need for the unpleasantness of a melted Nachos With Cream Cheese in your pocket.

     Traveling To Grey Lands

     It is true; Brightvale’s Glaziers burn less brightly through a dull sheen. Neopia Central hustles, but slower. Despite their gloom, life presses on.

     If you feel this ruins your holiday, stop.

     First, exercise sympathy. Do not ask questions such as “How is it living like this?”, “Aren’t you tired of this?”, or, worst of all, “Do you get the Wocky-Grey avatar from looking at yourself in the mirror?”. It is hardly going to make them feel better.

     You should be polite - Even to the citizens of Kiko Lake. Frufi, the Kiko Lake Treats Shopkeeper, did not steal your item and the region as a whole is both quite lovely and suffering from the lack of tourism. They will be more than happy to enjoy your visit - I find the glass bottom boat tours delightful with a stick of apple rock candy and crisp water with lemon.

     Next, we will not speculate which land may be next. The citizens of Meridell and the Darigan Citadel look upon Brightvale every day, and even while helping their gloomy neighbor, likely live in fear that they may be next.

     (Would the citizens of Darigan Citadel even be able to tell the difference? Who can say. Still, keep your thoughts to yourself).

     Faerieland is a similarly distressed land. After a certain Xweetox - Someone not named in polite company - crashed it to the surface, the faeries have worked to rebuild not only their home, but contribute to our greater benefit against the grey.

     What poor hosts we would be if we approached Psellia with her requested Pirate Pomade and a “Here you are, and hey, what contingency plans are there should Faerieland turn grey?”

     It simply does no one any good. Instead, ask how you can help, what grassroots efforts are accepting volunteers, or simply enjoy your vacation without rude questions.Your presence is likely helpful enough.

          Language Learners

     When visiting a new land, brush up on common phrases; This says “I know I’m a guest, and I’m making an effort to make it easier for you.”. For example, when visiting Tyrannia, one can say “Ugh-Uuuughgga.” for “Good Morning”, or “Gugg-ugg-hggugga*” For “Good Night”.

     *Gorel’s editor again. This is a correction from “Grugg-ugg-ghuugg”, which does not mean “Good Night”, but instead “What are you doing in my home with an anchovy pizza?” We apologize for any confusion.

     I find Maraquans are not chatty, but they are friendly, waving fins and smiling hugely until words must be exchanged.

     The one locale this may be an exception to is if you are visiting our humble Virtupets Space Station; Most of the slang is in 01100010 01101001 01101110 01100001 01110010 01111001, or, binary. Unless you are blessed with a microchip brain, it would take several hours to order your lunch.

     Most robots have the Common Neopia Language Chip installed, and will be happy to speak with you that way.

     What is not an exception is this; Identity changes at the zap of a lab ray. Address others how they wish to be addressed. If you have questions about linguistics, Seshatia has several heavy books to help you understand, but I can sum it up with one phrase;

     Manners first; Grammar second.

     A Good Sport

     No matter what events have shaken our world, Neopians spirit of competition has not been diminished. I have always admired our fierce enthusiasm for a healthy rivalry, even if it does vex me when attempting to win an Ummagine Stamp at the Auction House.

     As a denizen of the Lost Desert, I find nothing calms me on a hot summer evening more than playing Pyramids on a shaded balcony in the company of my friend Tehuti, who maintains the game.

     However, over the cards, Tehuti has - and I recount this with her permission, for telling another’s anecdotes without so is impolite - expressed to me surprise at how players behave.

     “Picking up the deck and throwing them in temper when they’re one card away from a win. Speaking so loudly that other players are distracted at their tables. And language, language as if they’re at The Salty Crokabek!”

     At this point, I was so taken aback that I drew a card in distraction when I should have played. But I digress.

     Neopia is a wonderful place, a place full of chance games; and there is absolutely no way to win them all. Anger, annoyance, and irritation are natural to feel, but no one else is asking to be the victim of your poor mood.

     I had to learn this firsthand. While I - of course - did not cause a scene, I did sigh in such a manner where it blew sand in the attendant’s face. Eventually, one plays Buried Treasure out of habit instead of expectation of that Avatar.

      Keep your composure with a deep breath and thank the games master before paying your Neopoints to try again, or walk away with your dignity intact.

     In Conclusion

     We have been, as the youth say, “through it” these past months, but I still see pockets of friendship, support, and help, from Altador Cup teams putting on shows and donating food, to simply being a listening ear to a stranger that I have come to appreciate from Neopians.

     Remember the personality on the other side of your encounters, remember your patience, and remember your manners.

          With regards,

     Gorel Goldenrod.

     *and his editor.