The Individuvivuals

by jade_feng_shui

The deep, dark, history of a deep, dark creature.............. The Esophagor, as any citizen will tell you, is a greedy grasping slimy head and throat that must be pretty darn hungry if it's got millions of people scurrying to find food for it. In case you didn't know, this thing works with the Brain Tree. But that's all any citizen can tell you.

That's all any CITIZEN can tell you.

The truth is, long before the haunted woods was found, the Esophagor was one of those demons unlucky citizens get stolen from. Oh, yeah, he used to run around with the Pant Devil and the Swamp Ghoul grabbing people's money. Only he never put it on the Money Tree.

Ever.

The Esophagor's partner in crime was the Brain Tree, then known, ironically, as Stoopid. Back when the Esophagor had a body, he had like, no neck. He was called Ostritch. So, Stoopid and Ostritch were quite a team. They were the pride and joy of the rejects of Neopia. They had all the makings of organized crime. They began to collect a gang of such celebrities as the Pant Devil (Mooney, back then) the Swamp Ghoul, (known as Dryland) Grundo Chef, (Mr. Can't-cook-for-beans) and the Lava Ghoul (known as Mr. Goody-ice-feet). These terrorists began running around Neopia doing what they did best. Petty Theft.

They liked to call themselves Individuals only they couldn't pronounce it. These morons called themselves the Individuvivuals. This way, they figured, it would be extremely hard for anyone to track them down.

"Have you seen the Individuals?" a police officer would ask a grinning ghost.

"Nope, there are no individuals around here," the phantom would reply. When the officer had gone, the gang would sneak from behind the obliging ghost (you only THINK you can see through them) and run the other way, snickering.

When the police force realized they were the laughingstock of the dregs of Neopian Society, they got ticked. They put up a notice board forcibly commanding any passing citizen to Read This: Have You Seen The Individuals? If So, Write the Latest Sighting Here. Boy, they walked into that one. Every day when an officer checked the board, there were at least seventy 'Latest Sighting Here' comments on it.

Anyway, the police realized that no one would help them if there was any possible way to make their pleas funny. So they turned to the Island Mystic, the one Neopian who never smiles. Unfortunately, the Island Mystic was also the only Neopian who hadn't heard about the Individuals. Depressed, the policemen stuffed cotton in their ears and glumly waited for the Mystic to stop laughing. When he did, they questioned him.

"Yes oh, individuals seen have I. Come they to my island day every. Say they, 'money us give.' Mystic the but, money no has. Gives I passes free, to the see Skeiths Singing. Thinks I, 'cheer them up it will'. The police rushed over to the Stadium where the Singing Skeiths were singing. Sure enough, they found the Individuals stuffing cotton in their ears enthusiastically with everyone else. They were arrested there and then and taken to the Some Cream court, where Judge Faerie Queen presided.

"Stoopid and Ostritch, you are charged with luring these relatively innocent Neopians to join your illegal gang. Mooney, Dryland, Mr. Can't-cook-for-beans and Mr. Goody-ice-feet, you are all charged with letting them. Collectively, you are charged with stealing more than 150 NP from more than 10 citizens per day, which exceeds your daily quota. I have only one question." The Faerie queen got down from her pulpit. She slammed both hands down on the desk in front of the gang.

"WHERE'S THE LOOT? TELL ME AND I'LL MAKE YOUR SENTENCE SHORT AND PAINFUL, OR LONG AND BORING. YOUR CHOICE." The entire courtroom gulped at the same time. The gang rose shaking finger-like appendages and pointed, slowly, at Stoopid and Ostritch.

"They took all our money and put it in two places. They wouldn't say where," the gang confessed.

The Faerie queen marched back up to her pulpit. "The case is adjourned. The pickpocket abilities of these Neopians are confiscated. One week from now they may come to collect them."

The gang collapsed out of view, behind the table, with relief. A faint 'ow' came up from the floor. But the Faerie queen wasn't finished. "As for you two repulsive Neopians! You give the rest of us a bad name! You will both be interrogated until one of you CRACKS LIKE A NEGG!"

Stoopid and Ostritch were dragged form the courtroom in disgrace. They were questioned until the Esophagor yielded. "The mud pit. And.....the place where Stoopid used to live," he gasped before falling off his beanbag chair onto the ground. "Ow," he whispered.

The two interrogators stared at each other. One stopped her timer. "Thirty seconds. A new record!" The other nodded sagely.

"It was the hot iron."

"Yeah, he must really hate pancakes."

The fabulous treasure was dug up and entrusted to the Faeries. The Esophagor and the Brain Tree were banished to the haunted forest to live where they had once hidden their treasures. Oh, and the Faeries also magically removed the rest of Ostritch's body. Yeah, now they call him Squeaky.

The End