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HEROES OF NEOPIA- Having heard of this Chia's brave and skilful exploits in the
Neopedia, I immediately thought it would make a great part of this series. So,
accordingly, Bluefire104 (my Scorchio) and I set off to Meridell, where I assumed
this noble Chia would be living. We arrived, and checked with the locals with
the whereabouts of Sir Fufon Lui's residence. After bribing the Potato Counter
Kacheek (he was suspicious of me when I told him I didn't find counting potatoes
interesting), I found he lived in a castle to my immediate north. I set off, and
quickly located the castle. It wasn't exactly hard, considering the fact it dwarfed
everything in the vicinity and was in the shape of a giant Chia. I hesitantly
walked to the edge of the moat, eyeing the murky water, and shouted, "Sir Futon
Pooey? I've come to-"
At that point my request for an interview was interrupted as a volley of arrows
narrowly missed me. I looked upwards, to find yet another arrow hail speeding
towards me, launched from a window situated on what appeared to be on the nose
(or the area where the nose would be on a Chia if they had noses) of the castle.
I ducked, and the arrows thudded into the ground where I had been a moment before.
Bluefire104 didn't bother to duck, instead preferring to just let the arrows
bounce off his hard scales. Glancing at Bluefire104, I muttered under my breath,
"Darn show-off."
A loud, pompous voice emanated from the window where the arrows had been shot
from. "Be gone, you rapscallion. How dare you soil my noble name! It's SIR FUFON
LUI!! NOT SIR FUTON POOEY! OR FOOFIE LOOFIE! OR EVEN FOOFOLLY!"
"Gee, he's touchy, ain't he?" Bluefire104 whispered to me.
"Uh, sorry, sir. I didn't mean to offend you. I was just wondering I could
have an inter-"
"Leave at once! Or do you wish to be cut to ribbons by my noble sword?"
"Well, not really. Could I just have one teensy-weensy interview?" I said,
not believing that I had actually used 'teensy-weensy' in a sentence.
"Well certainly! Lest Neopia be deprived of my honorable and admirable magnificence!"
"Uh huh. Can I come in now?"
After a moment, the drawbridge thudded down, narrowly missing Bluefire104's
tail. I entered the castle, watched by a few Chia guards, each of whom were
standing to attention. A young yellow Chia with a weird haircut came rushing
down the stairs, and greeted me heartily. Looking over his clothes and features,
I assumed correctly that he was Prowbert, Sir Fufon Lui's faithful stablehand.
With much aplomb, he declared, "My master, Sir Fufon Lui, shall now see you
in his quarters."
I followed the Chia up the stairs, and through a long hall, which, like the
rest of the castle, was made of stone. Finally, we stopped outside an oak door,
the gold doorknob shining brightly. Evidently someone took great care of the
place. I opened the door, and walked in. The room was just as I had expected:
lots of deep red carpeting, a huge four-poster bed, and a beautifully framed
painting on the wall over the fireplace. It perfectly fitted the stereotype
of a noble knight's or lord's bedroom. I waited in silence as the Chia looking
out of the window, with his back to me, slowly turned around.
"Are you the personage enquiring for an interview, my dear man?" he asked
politely.
"Uh, yeah. That's me. Bluescorchio104, that's me. I think. At least I hope
so. I hope I'm me. I don't really see any way I can avoid being me. And I'm
pretty sure no other journalist has come in the last five minutes asking for
an interview."
"Very well. We shall now begin."
Bluescorchio104: So, are you descended from a long line of noble SwordsChia?
Sir Fufon Lui: Yes, of course. Over a hundred generations of SwordChias, if
you must know. Although Great-uncle Tukon did favour wielding an axe. A bit
of a black Babaa in my opinion.
Bluescorchio104: Hmm. I see. What type of sword do you wield?
Sir Fufon Lui: Ah, only the best, my dear boy. I use many different swords.
A sword of Domar, banana swords, energy sabers, fire scimitars, super ice swords,
too many different types to shake a cherry wish stick at.
Bluescorchio104: What if you used an oak wish stick instead?
Sir Fufon Lui: Well, I never considered that option. I suppose one might possibly
be able to with an oak wish stick, although I suspect they would have to be
extremely proficient in the art of stick shaking.
Bluescorchio104: Interesting. Just how did you start learning the family trade?
Sir Fufon Lui: Oh, I was but a mere a baby when it all began. It's in my heritage
you know. Came as easily as learning how to walk.
Bluescorchio104: Were you a Koi when you were young?
Sir Fufon Lui: What kind of slanderous talk is this! I have proudly been a
Chia all my life!
Bluescorchio104: Well, I was just wondering, 'cos if you were a Koi, you wouldn't
find it easy to walk, so therefore according to what you just said, you would
not find it easy to use a sword.
Sir Fufon Lui: Oh. I see.
Bluescorchio104: Anyway, who is your greatest enemy?
Sir Fufon Lui: All evil Lupes are my enemy. But if I were to select merely
one from those hordes, I would surely choose Tarabann.
Bluescorchio104: Tarabann?
Sir Fufon Lui: Yes, the evil, scruffy, and above all rude and disrespectful
leader of the Lupe Raiders.
Bluescorchio104: Oh yes, I recall him now. The Neopedia article mentioned
him. So how did you originally meet him?
Sir Fufon Lui: Oh, it was during a cowardly raid on the nearby fair city.
He was leading a raiding party, and they were at the gates when I stepped in.
In a thrice they were defeated, and retreated with their tails between their
legs, like guilty puppies.
Bluescorchio104: Hmm. Is it true that he then tried to take revenge?
Sir Fufon Lui: Yes. His raiding party once again launched an assault upon
the city, but I successfully repelled their attack. I then proceeded to trounce
Tarabann in combat.
Bluescorchio104: Hmmm. Would you say all Lupes are bad?
Sir Fufon Lui: Certainly not. Many Lupes over the years have become close
friends. I admire many Lupes for their acts of bravery and courage.
Bluescorchio104: So, how did Prowbert become your loyal stablehand?
Sir Fufon Lui: Ah, one day I spotted him in town, on one of my weekly excursions.
I noticed the boy had talent, enthusiasm. And above all, determination. I took
him in as an apprentice, and found that he was skilled in dealing with my steed.
I took it upon myself to train him in the fine art of sword fighting, in return
for the care of my noble steed.
Bluescorchio104: Interesting. And how is young Prowbert progressing?
Sir Fufon Lui: Extremely well for a Chia of his young age. I have high hopes
for his future. Perhaps one day he will become defender of this city.
Bluescorchio104: What is the best part of the defending the city?
Sir Fufon Lui: Soundly thrashing my foes, of course. And the unending admiration
and crowds of awed fans.
Bluescorchio104: And what is you favorite Chia pop flavor?
Sir Fufon Lui: Ah, I'd have to say, lime.
Bluescorchio104: Hmmm. Have you ever considered turning yourself into a fruit
or vegetable by way of a magical Chia pop? Sir Fufon Lui: I have never considered
the option. I do not deem vegetable or fruit Chias to look truly fearsome in
battle. Not to mention I would have to rid myself of my wonderful moustache.
Bluescorchio104: I'll take that as a no. Since we're on the subject, just
how long have you had those, uh, whiskers?
Sir Fufon Lui: Oh, I've had for many years. Too many to count.
Bluescorchio104: According to rumors, you dye your beard and moustache. Is
this in fact true?
Sir Fufon Lui: Certainly not, you unscrupulous rogue! I shall teach you some
manners, you disrespectful ruffian!!
Bluescorchio104: Eeeeeeekkk!
So ends my tale of interviewing a Chia who is touchy on the subject of both
his name and the potentially artificial coloring of his whiskers. See you all
next time!
Author's Note: Never ask a SwordsChia whether his whiskers are dyed or
not, otherwise you'll end up with a very painful backside. Like a certain person
I know but won't mention.
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