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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 21st day of Swimming, Yr 26
The Neopian Times Week 79 > Articles > It's So Evil Being Green

It's So Evil Being Green

by stoneman3x

Untitled Document GALLERY OF EVIL - Green. Now there is a word to make you shudder. All you have to do is put the word "green" in front of something and suddenly it's... well... yucky. If you have ever clicked on the Tiki Tack Tombola and have gotten Pickled Leeches, then you know what I mean about green being evil.

And Pickled Leeches aren't the only nauseating things that you get when you have one shot a day at the Tiki Tack Tombola and wind up with something you don't even want in your item box. I mean, when I get stuff like a Cup-O-Slime, a Stuffed Frog or Fresh Seaweed Pie, my first reaction is, "I can't feed this stuff to my pets. It's so... so... GREEN!"

So how did green get such a bad rap, color-wise? Personally I think we get subliminal messages against the color green all the time. If you don't know what a subliminal message is, it is any message you get that you aren't aware of. Like when your teacher announces four days in a row that there will be a major History test and when Friday comes you groan and say, "What's up with all the pop quizzes?" Or when your mother tosses a bucket of ice water on you to try to get you up for school but you still manage to sleep through it. That's a subliminal message... sort of. Anyway, if you are one of those people who somehow managed to miss the message that green is evil, let me give you a couple of examples.

Dr. Sloth is green. Somehow it just doesn't seem like a coincidence. And all of his Grundo minions seem to be green too. I can't imagine a rose petal pink Grundo Commander popping up and declaring he must get Neopets for his master and being taken seriously.

Inigmah the Space Brain, who hosts the Code Breakers game, also works for Dr. Sloth. Inigmah likes to say this scrambled message, "gihmani si tremars nhat oyu!" Well, he's also a lot reneerg than you too. According to the Neopedia, "he was thrown out of a number of schools during his youth for hacking. From there Inigmah was involved in a number of scams involving fraud, including a multi-billion Neopoint heist. Inigmah's life of white collar crime almost came to an end when he accidentally hacked the account of the one and only Dr. Sloth. Threatened with unspeakable acts of violence against his person, it is believed that the Space Brain cut a deal with the doctor; in exchange for leaving him in one piece, Inigmah would work on hacking into security systems for Sloth throughout the galaxy". So apparently green = hacker. And that's about as low as anybody can get.

The list of Battledome challengers is also impressive in its rampant greeness. Harry the Mutant Moehog, Tekkitu the Witch Doctor, Sabre-X, Vira, Spider Grundo and Chiazilla are all Battledome Challengers and the same color as an Attack Pea. Okay, maybe ALL of these green fighters aren't exactly evil, but some are them are extremely not nice. Take the unspeakably horrible Tax Beast, for example. I'm not surprised that any creature that steals Neopoints off of you is the same color as the money he's swiping.

The ultimate in evil Battledome challengers has to be Meuka. This guy actually GLOWS green like a radioactive muffin. He's even on the Defenders of Neopia's Most Wanted list. The Neopedia has this to say about him: "Meuka can be seen slithering around the nastier regions of the Haunted Woods eating, well... devouring everything in his path. His sharp jaws can cut through the vegetation like butter... and the same also goes for young Neopets who wander astray. Avoid!" And this is just his hobby. His real job is spreading disease and leaving lumps of snot where your food items used to be. If that isn't evil I don't know what is.

There's also Edna the Witch. The Neopedia says: "One time, not too long ago, she turned five innocent Meercas into one delicious Meerca pie, when she only meant to harmlessly remove their tails for her "Bounce Incredibly High" spell." Obviously Meuka wasn't one of the Meercas she used. That makes her even more evil in my book.

Have you noticed that almost all mutants are green too? If you haven't, I'll give you a minute to go look. Back yet? Great. As I was saying, almost all mutants are green and there are a lot of mutants on that Battledome challengers list and in the Gallery of Evil. Even transmogrification potions are green. The king of evil mutants is a Chia named Florg. He eats PETPETS! Cute fuzzy widdle petpets... well, all except for the Slorg, but that's not the point. Eating Petpets is incredibly not friendly. Okay, maybe not ALL mutants are evil, but their color certainly doesn't leave people with a very good impression of them. If nothing else, these guys are definitely pigmentally challenged.

And speaking of Petpets, a Mortog definitely fits the description of something that's evil. All you had to do was kiss a Mortog and it would explode. I wouldn't be surprised if someone told me that Lord Darigan used exploding Mortogs to destroy Meridell.

Even normal Neopets seem to become evil just because they are green. Brucey B is a green Bruce. He's also a master of the game "Cheat!". Brucey B even has a Petpet named Beibo who is a Mallard. And what color are Mallards? Not sunshine yellow, that's for sure. If you don't believe me, check out what the Neopedia says about him: "Despite the concern of his partners, Brucey finally talked them into going along with his harebrained scheme. According to Brucey's plan, the trio would show up at the Kraku Lounge on Karaoke night. As Brucey created a distraction with one of his howlingly bad karaoke performances, Little Timmy would nick the cash while Beibo kept an eye out for the Chia Cops." So green little Brucey B is not only a cheat, he's a thief too.

Neopets are the only things that are both evil and green. There are horrible green Battledome weapons like the Green Frost Cannon, Meukas Snot Trail and the Green Sticky Hand. But there are other nasty green items too. What could be more evil than a Bottle of Green sand? Last week it was worth one Neopoint. Today it's selling for 50 Neopoints. Now that's evil!

So now that I have convinced you that green is an evil color, you are probably asking, "Okay, so green is evil. What's your point, Stoneman?" Ummm... point? Oh, uh... well... my point is... gee... I don't have a point. Boy, is my face red right now!

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