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Untitled Document
GALLERY OF EVIL - Green. Now there is a word to make you shudder. All you have
to do is put the word "green" in front of something and suddenly it's... well...
yucky. If you have ever clicked on the Tiki Tack Tombola and have gotten
Pickled Leeches, then you know what I mean about green being evil.
And Pickled Leeches aren't the only nauseating things that you get when you
have one shot a day at the Tiki Tack Tombola and wind up with something you
don't even want in your item box. I mean, when I get stuff like a Cup-O-Slime,
a Stuffed Frog or Fresh Seaweed Pie, my first reaction is, "I can't feed this
stuff to my pets. It's so... so... GREEN!"
So how did green get such a bad rap, color-wise? Personally I think we get
subliminal messages against the color green all the time. If you don't know
what a subliminal message is, it is any message you get that you aren't aware
of. Like when your teacher announces four days in a row that there will be a
major History test and when Friday comes you groan and say, "What's up with
all the pop quizzes?" Or when your mother tosses a bucket of ice water on you
to try to get you up for school but you still manage to sleep through it. That's
a subliminal message... sort of. Anyway, if you are one of those people who
somehow managed to miss the message that green is evil, let me give you a couple
of examples.
Dr. Sloth is green. Somehow it just doesn't seem like a coincidence. And all
of his Grundo minions seem to be green too. I can't imagine a rose petal pink
Grundo Commander popping up and declaring he must get Neopets for his master
and being taken seriously.
Inigmah the Space Brain, who hosts the Code
Breakers game, also works for Dr. Sloth. Inigmah likes to say this scrambled
message, "gihmani si tremars nhat oyu!" Well, he's also a lot reneerg than you
too. According to the Neopedia, "he was thrown out of a number of schools
during his youth for hacking. From there Inigmah was involved in a number of
scams involving fraud, including a multi-billion Neopoint heist. Inigmah's life
of white collar crime almost came to an end when he accidentally hacked the
account of the one and only Dr. Sloth. Threatened with unspeakable acts of violence
against his person, it is believed that the Space Brain cut a deal with the
doctor; in exchange for leaving him in one piece, Inigmah would work on hacking
into security systems for Sloth throughout the galaxy". So apparently green
= hacker. And that's about as low as anybody can get.
The list of Battledome challengers is also impressive in its rampant greeness.
Harry the Mutant Moehog, Tekkitu the Witch Doctor, Sabre-X, Vira, Spider Grundo
and Chiazilla are all Battledome Challengers and the same color as an Attack
Pea. Okay, maybe ALL of these green fighters aren't exactly evil, but some are
them are extremely not nice. Take the unspeakably horrible Tax Beast, for example.
I'm not surprised that any creature that steals Neopoints off of you is the
same color as the money he's swiping.
The ultimate in evil Battledome challengers has to be Meuka. This guy actually
GLOWS green like a radioactive muffin. He's even on the Defenders of Neopia's
Most Wanted list. The Neopedia has this to say about him: "Meuka can be seen
slithering around the nastier regions of the Haunted Woods eating, well... devouring
everything in his path. His sharp jaws can cut through the vegetation like butter...
and the same also goes for young Neopets who wander astray. Avoid!" And
this is just his hobby. His real job is spreading disease and leaving lumps
of snot where your food items used to be. If that isn't evil I don't
know what is.
There's also Edna the Witch. The Neopedia says: "One time, not too long
ago, she turned five innocent Meercas into one delicious Meerca pie, when she
only meant to harmlessly remove their tails for her "Bounce Incredibly High"
spell." Obviously Meuka wasn't one of the Meercas she used. That makes her
even more evil in my book.
Have you noticed that almost all mutants are green too? If you haven't, I'll
give you a minute to go look. Back yet? Great. As I was saying, almost all mutants
are green and there are a lot of mutants on that Battledome challengers list
and in the Gallery of Evil. Even transmogrification potions are green. The king
of evil mutants is a Chia named Florg. He eats PETPETS! Cute fuzzy widdle petpets...
well, all except for the Slorg, but that's not the point. Eating Petpets is
incredibly not friendly. Okay, maybe not ALL mutants are evil, but their color
certainly doesn't leave people with a very good impression of them. If nothing
else, these guys are definitely pigmentally challenged.
And speaking of Petpets, a Mortog definitely fits the description of something
that's evil. All you had to do was kiss a Mortog and it would explode. I wouldn't
be surprised if someone told me that Lord Darigan used exploding Mortogs to
destroy Meridell.
Even normal Neopets seem to become evil just because they are green. Brucey
B is a green Bruce. He's also a master of the game "Cheat!". Brucey B even has
a Petpet named Beibo who is a Mallard. And what color are Mallards? Not sunshine
yellow, that's for sure. If you don't believe me, check out what the Neopedia
says about him: "Despite the concern of his partners, Brucey finally talked
them into going along with his harebrained scheme. According to Brucey's plan,
the trio would show up at the Kraku Lounge on Karaoke night. As Brucey created
a distraction with one of his howlingly bad karaoke performances, Little Timmy
would nick the cash while Beibo kept an eye out for the Chia Cops." So green
little Brucey B is not only a cheat, he's a thief too.
Neopets are the only things that are both evil and green. There are horrible
green Battledome weapons like the Green Frost Cannon, Meukas Snot Trail and
the Green Sticky Hand. But there are other nasty green items too. What could
be more evil than a Bottle of Green sand? Last week it was worth one Neopoint.
Today it's selling for 50 Neopoints. Now that's evil!
So now that I have convinced you that green is an evil color, you are probably
asking, "Okay, so green is evil. What's your point, Stoneman?" Ummm... point?
Oh, uh... well... my point is... gee... I don't have a point. Boy, is my face
red right now!
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