KNEEOHPEEAH SENTRUL - I guess you might've read stoneman3x's
recent article, and queen_of_faeries12's
not-so-recent one about this infamous "chatspeak". Frankly, I haven't
heard this term so used until now (or for that matter three weeks ago). I always
had it in the back of my mind of the 'Universal Internet Lingo'. Or at least
something along those boundaries...
...so don't mind me if "chatspeak" is in quotation marks throughout the article.
"Chatspeak"(I can't even spell that without getting that weird red line underneath
it on Microsoft Word) is annoying when used excessively (*a-hem* stoneman3x)
but I don't think most people can survive online spelling out "you" or "whatever"
or something of that sort all the time.
I am annoyed by the following variations of chatspeak:
1) Suffixing every word you say with the letter 'z'.
2) Replacing the letter 's' with 'z'.
3) For no apparent reason lengthening a word (e.g. stoopid).
4) 'Ish', 'dem', 'dat', 'noe', 'wut(eva)' (the list goes on...)
and 'peeps'. The first few sound moronic. The third sounds like a derogatory
term.
5) As mentioned in the last point, replacing 'th' with 'd'.
6) Replacing 'any' with 'ne'.
7) The list, as always, goes on.
Z seems to be a popular letter for suffixes, especially in plural nounz and
exclamations like 'lolz' and 'heyz'. All it does is make you sound like a juvenile
with a speech problem. Or a juvenile putting on a bad accent.
I think they're out to get me, but isn't the point of "chatspeak" to shorten
what you're saying so that it fits into that message board title of yours? Then
I don't really get the point of people typing words like 'stoopid' and... actually
'stoopid' seems to be the only deliberately lengthened word. Wuteva....
Umm okay, so I shouldn't have said that. But words like those listed above
make you sound incredibly stupid. Ish. Oh yes, there's another lengthened word.
You may think it makes you sound extremely cwute (there's another one) and cuddly,
but it doesn't. It irritates the guts out of many people. Oh yeah, 'kwel' is
another one. Only people who think misspelling cool think that is, well, 'kwel'.
Any, NE, one letters difference, bother to spell it out please, its irritating
when you say things like 'ne1' or 'nebody' or 'nething'. It originates from
the pronunciation of 'any': "NE". And it looks weird too... reading it out gets
you 'nee-thing'.
Deciphering Common Chatspeak
'OMG' seems to be the most common term on the Chat Boards. Basically it's
a form of exclamation standing for "Oh My [Replace with any noun starting with
G, preferably 'God', 'Goodness' or 'Gosh']". It is often used repeatedly to
show extreme shock and often precedes a few (or a lot) exclamation marks.
And another point, words ending with 'cks', like 'socks', or 'rocks', will
have those last three letters replaced with an 'x'. A common example is 'rox
my sox'. Decipher that.
Then there's the 'l33t sp33k', that means 'elite speak'. No, that's not a
proper term. It when people use numbers and symbols to take the place of letters.
E is a popular l3tt3r to r3plac3. With th3 numb3r thr33 that is. And 'A' is
reapl4ced with four. 'I' is replaced w1th e1ther the number one or an exclamat!on
mark. And replacing 'O' with a zero is c0mm0n as well. Especially in the word
'J00' its supposed to mean 'you', don't ask why. I don't know either.
Misspelling and misspelled words constitute much of this virtual lingo. Speeling--that
was from stoneman3x's article--that's what you get when you misspell 'spelling',
and no, 'speel' is not a real word'. Or maybe that was deliberate. There are
some funny ones though. Of those, good ones are 'Pain Brush' and 'Advert Calendar'.
ROTFL! (Rolling On The Floor Laughing).
And don't use 'chatspeak' excessively like stoeman3x's article, but of course
he was 'JK' in his article. Ppl dun realli get wht u r sayin n it makes u sound
like a kid. (Translation: People don't get what you are saying and it makes
you sound like a kid.) And it have side effects. I know a friend of mine who
actually uses 'lol' IRL. (In Real Life if you didn't get that.)
The whole point: 'chatspeak' is definitely annoying, but I don't think me
(or anyone else) could live without using it online.
Well, TAFN*, TWMA** in my next article! Signing off as chewing_dung. Have
a nice day and a Happy New Year! [Auld Lang Syne starts playing in the background
as the scene slowly fades to black.]
*That's all for now
**Till we meet again
Author's note: I just thought this would be cool to put in because everyone
else seems to have one after his or her article. Actually this is what I want
to say: The author apologises for any spelling or grammar mistakes in this article.
And if this has offended either of the authors of the prequels to this article,
and anyone else, just for the record. | 
