The Asparagus Chia: The Coltzan Case - Part Two by bluescorchio104 |  |
Brian, comfortably seated in an overstuffed armchair,
ran over what he knew of the crime. Switching on the lamp that stood on the
small table next to armchair, Brian, with notepad in hand, wrote down what he
knew.
Clues:
Suspicious-One
pair deep Lupe hind leg paw
prints-
owner probably heavy-set. Located
behind
shrine. Owner suspect.
Tuft
of fur-purple/lavender colour. Belongs to
suspect?
???-One
cork-diameter approx. 30 mm. Dark
brown.
Unsuspicious-Various
assorted Neopet prints
Brian chewed the tip of his Bendy Pencil.
That was all that he'd found, he thought. So, he moved onto the next section.
Reconstruction
of crime scene:
Suspect Lupe
presumably walks up to shrine. Stands
on hind legs, and
then climbs shrine. Reaches top, steals
statuette, and leaves.
Evidence of theory: Deep hind leg
Lupe prints. No evidence
of air approach. Evidence
against theory:
None.
Brian looked at what he had just written
doubtfully. It wasn't exactly a huge amount of conclusive evidence. He sighed,
and started on the next segment.
Possible
suspects and motives:
Hermeedjet-
Attention seeking?
Brian, at this point, stopped. He thought
carefully about the possible guilt of Hermeedjet. It all made sense. Well, the
motives at least. A disgraced but still proud Meerca, wanting to have another
15 minutes of fame. Brian tried not to get excited, and using an orange telephone
shaped like a Kiko, rang Judge Hog.
"Judge Hog! I think I might know who
stole the statuette!" cried Brian breathlessly. "It was Hermeedjet!"
Judge Hog, after wincing at the loud
voice, suddenly replied "Um, Asparagus Chia? I don't think so. Hermeedjet has
been and still is locked away in Gaproar Prison. The place is impossible to
escape from. Each individual cell is guarded by five Skeiths and ten Grarrls,
as well as two ferocious Kacheeks. There's no way he could have gotten out.
And don't ring me next time unless you have hard evidence."
The Asparagus Chia, upon hearing the
news, silently agreed with Judge Hog. Gaproar Prison WAS impossible to escape
from. I should know, Brian thought to himself. After that little misunderstanding
with the Chia Police, I had tried to escape from the place. Wasn't successful
either.
"Oh, okay then, Judge Hog," said Brian
a little despondently. "Bye." Brian put the phone back into its Kiko-shaped
cradle, and slumped down in his chair. He sighed, and continued with his suspects
and motives list.
Weapons Shopkeeper- Serf Lens and Coltzan
Gems bad for sales? Brian ruled that suspect out straight away. The number of
Coltzan's Gems in existence was too small to seriously affect sales of other
weapons, and Serf Lens were cheaper than Musho Mushy Peas. Brian chewed the
end of his Bendy Pencil once again, and thought hard. Who would possibly want
to stop the shrine from functioning, he thought. Wait a minute.... Didn't people
find faeries at Coltzan's Shrine? And wouldn't that make faeries worth less
in the market? And the only person in Neopia who could supply faeries besides
Coltzan's Shrine, and would therefore be disadvantaged by all the free faeries,
was.... Balthazar! The Asparagus Chia practically jumped for joy. It all made
sense! The cork, the tuft of fur found at the crime scene, even the paw prints
made by some Lupe that was big and heavy. And they didn't come much bigger and
heavier than Balthazar. Brian started jotting down information once more.
Balthazar- Wants to make his faeries
more expensive. All evidence points to him.
Brian jumped up from his seat, and was
halfway to the phone when he recalled Judge Hog's words: "And don't ring me
next time unless you have hard evidence." Brian stopped, and started heading
out of his mansion instead. He was going to get himself some evidence.
***
Brian, in his Asparagus Chia outfit, was sneaking around the Haunted Woods
unobtrusively. Or, at least he was trying to. Brian stifled a yelp as he tripped
over yet another tree root. That's the hundredth one today, he thought angrily,
as he heaved himself upright. As he wiped mud off his face, he noticed some
paw prints on the ground. Paw prints which just happened to look like the ones
at the crime scene. Brian tried not to get to excited as he followed the paw
prints, but he couldn't help feeling that maybe the paw prints belonged to Balthazar.
He followed the prints throughout the Haunted Woods, his eyes hungrily focused
on the ground. Because of this, more than once the Asparagus Chia bumped into
nearby trees. Finally, the paw prints trailed off into a dank cave, the entrance
draped in vines. The Asparagus Chia followed the paw prints inside, his eyes
struggling to adjust to the murky gloom. He felt something around his ankle
for just a second, followed by a brief moment of his blood rushing to his head
as he was yanked upside down, and then everything went black.
When Brian finally woke up, he was groggy
and confused. He found himself tied to a chair, his belt stripped of all its
asparagus weapons. It took him a second to remember how he got there, but then
it all came flooding back. He looked around nervously, and there, sure enough,
was Balthazar, watching him with sharp eyes, leaning against a small wooden
table that was dwarfed by Balthazar's size.
"What do ya think ya doin' in my cave?"
Balthazar asked nastily, prodding the Asparagus Chia's plump stomach.
The Asparagus Chia scanned the badly-lit
room for his weapons, eyes covering every surface. "Uh, nothing. I was just
wandering around."
"Really. Is that so?" Balthazar smiled
unpleasantly. "Well, finders keepers. Looks like I got myself some lunch." Balthazar
left the room via a stone tunnel, laughing maliciously.
The Asparagus Chia took no notice of
the threats, but kept looking for his stolen property. There, hanging on a rack
attached to the wall! Now all I have to do is get myself free, and I can get
my weapons and bust my way outta here, the Asparagus Chia thought with a smile.
His stubby hands tied behind the back of the chair, he was stuck for a way to
get free. Ahah, he thought. Awkwardly, he half waddled, half hopped to the nearby
table. Carefully, he knocked a miniature can of Grundox 2000 over. Oily liquid
leaked from the spout of the can and meandered its way to the edge of the table,
where it dripped off, each drop making a dark patch on the dirt floor of the
cave. Brian positioned his bound wrists under the dripping stream of oil, and
within a few minutes his hands were free. With the help of his Asparagus Dagger
that was hanging on the rack, Brian soon cut himself free. He quickly took his
weapons back off the rack, welcoming the solid weight on his belt. He marched
down the tunnel that Balthazar had left through, and soon found the Lupe preparing
a barbecue. Revolted, Brian silently set his Asparagus Powered Ray Gun to 'Extra
Crispy' and fired a single shot. The green energy blast hit Balthazar square
in the back, and he slumped to the ground. The Asparagus Chia bound Balthazar's
wrists, ankles and even tail, and slapped the Lupe a few times around the snout.
The Lupe, however, remained unconscious. Brian, sighing, slammed a Water Muffin
into Balthazar's face. The huge Lupe woke up in a hurry, spluttering and gasping
for breath.
"Okay, you big, hairy, messy, could-do-with-a-haircut
Lupe, what did you do with the statuette?" The Asparagus Chia said, scrunching
up his nose in an attempt to look intimidating. Quite hard when the Neopet you're
trying to intimidate is three times your size.
"What statuette?" Balthazar said, looking
bewildered.
"You know what I'm talking about!" the
Asparagus Chia snarled. "Tell me now, or-," at which point the Asparagus Chia
pulled out a Feather Tickler, "-I start tickling."
"No, no no!" squeaked the Lupe. 'I swear
I don't know anything about this statue thingy!"
A flicker of doubt crossed the Asparagus
Chia's mind. "How do I know I can trust you?"
"Faerie hunter's oath!"
The Asparagus Chia considered his position.
On one hand, the Lupe might be telling the truth and be entirely innocent of
stealing the statuette. On the other hand, this was the same Lupe who had been
ready to have him for dinner a few minutes ago, as well as imprisoning and selling
faeries. The Asparagus Chia reluctantly let the Lupe have the benefit of the
doubt, but kept up the interrogation.
"Were you anywhere near Coltzan's Shrine
in the past few days?"
"Yeah, of course."
The Asparagus Chia smiled triumphantly.
"So you admit stealing the statuette of Coltzan, do you? I'll need a written
confession, so just let me-"
"No, no, that's not what I meant," Balthazar
interrupted hastily. "I didn't steal anything. I just went to the shrine in
hope of a free Dubloon or strength point or something."
"Okay. Then why did I find your paw prints
in the sand around the back of the shrine? To be in that position, you would've
had to have your snout pressed against the shrine," the Asparagus Chia challenged.
"Explain that!"
"Well, actually I can," said Balthazar,
looking a bit sheepish. "You see, I, well, you see, um,-"
"Out with it!" the Asparagus Chia roared.
"I was hugging the shrine!" Balthazar
burst out.
"You were what?"
"Well, it's supposed to bring good luck.
There's no harm in trying."
"Then why weren't you hugging the shrine
in front?"
"I can't hug a chunk of stone in front
of hundreds of Neopets! I'd be humiliated! My tough Lupe image would be lost
forever. I might as well go out and start kissing baby Chias!"
"Well, I see your point," the Asparagus
agreed reluctantly. "You weren't hugging it with gloves on by any chance, were
you?"
"No. Why do you ask?" The Lupe looked
puzzled.
"Ha! Then why didn't your paw prints
show on the surface of the shri-" the Asparagus Chia paused in mid sentence.
He looked over Balthazar's arm length, and found them to be easily long enough
to wrap halfway around the shrine. No wonder I didn't find any paw prints with
the finger print powder, he scolded himself. His paws would have reached onto
the other faces of the shrine, and since I only dusted one surface for prints,
they didn't show up.
Suddenly, the Asparagus Chia perked up.
He still had one card left to play. "How do you explain these!" he shouted,
thrusting two evidence bags in Balthazar's face. One contained the tuft of purplish-lavender
fur, and the other contained the cork.
Balthazar squinted at the bags. "That
looks like my fur all right."
"So you admit it!" the Asparagus Chia
cried victoriously.
"But that cork ain't mine."
"What?"
"Look into that closet over there," Balthazar
directed.
The Asparagus Chia, wary of another trap,
opened the closet warily. Inside were hundreds upon hundreds of empty bottles.
"Try fitting your cork into one of those
bottles," Balthazar said, and the Asparagus Chia did so. But the cork just didn't
fit. The neck of the bottle was way too wide, and the cork fell right through.
"So maybe this might not be your cork,"
the Asparagus Chia muttered.
"Of course not," said Balthazar. "If
ya care to look, you'll see my corks have air holes drilled into them. Even
faeries need to breathe, and a dead faerie's no use to anybody." Balthazar pointed
to a drawer containing his corks, and sure enough, they had air holes drilled
into them.
By this time, the Asparagus Chia was
feeling quite depressed. Almost all of his evidence had been disproved or discredited.
All except for the tuft of fur. "Sorry, Balthazar, but I'll still have to keep
you under arrest. You're still a suspect, so you'll have to spend the night
in the slammer. Or maybe the week, depending how long it is until you can prove
your innocence, or until I catch the guy who committed the crime. Provided that
the guy isn't you, of course."
Quickly, before Balthazar could react,
the Asparagus Chia snapped a standard issue Chia Police Slave Collar around
Balthazar's neck. The Lupe's eye's immediately glazed over, and the Asparagus
Chia freed him from his bonds. The Lupe was hustled back to Neopia Central,
where the Chia Police took care of him.
***
The Asparagus Chia sighed. Back in his mansion, and still in his super hero
outfit, he trudged through the house to his study, where he had left the crime
notes. He flopped down into the over-sized armchair, adjusted the position of
his Asparagus Dagger so it wouldn't dig into his side, and picked up the notes,
which were resting on the floor, just where he had flung them a few hours before.
He picked them up, and his eyes roved over them, until he came to the still
unfinished 'Possible suspects and motives' section. He sat down, and pondered
who could be a possible suspect. He decided to take the same approach he had
taken with Balthazar. So, what did the shrine give out that might be bad for
somebody, he questioned himself. I know! Dubloons! Wait a minute, wouldn't they
be good? That means that the weird Eyrie pirate guy at the Swashbuckling Academy
must not a suspect. After all, he would benefit from the free Dubloons. Hmmmm,
this was a tough one. Hey, what about all the free levels and stat points? The
Asparagus Chia sat bolt upright. He could sense he was on to something. The
only people those free stats could possibly concern are Ryshu the Training School
instructor, and that weird Krawk Island Swashbuckling Academy guy. It couldn't
possibly be the pirate dude, the Asparagus Chia reasoned. All of those benefits
of Dubloons would far outweigh the disadvantages of a few free levels. But Ryshu
could be the culprit. After all, with all of those free Dubloons, business would
definitely be decreasing. Throw in the free levels and stats, and Ryshu would
definitely have a motive for stealing the statuette from Coltzan's shrine. Not
only would the lack of free stats and Dubloons encourage people to go to the
Mystery Island Training School, the statuette, once sold, would bring in a hefty
lump of NP to help kick-start the Training School again. The Asparagus Chia,
by this point, was quietly enthusiastic. Suddenly, he remembered the assorted
Neopet footprints found in front of the shrine. Now what Neopet prints were
there, he thought, struggling to remember. Tonu, Cybunny, Elephante, and bingo!
The Nimmo prints! The ones he had at first mistaken for Quiggle prints! The
Asparagus Chia jumped for joy. It all made sense! No wonder the cork didn't
match the ones Balthazar had! Ryshu had probably planted them there to frame
Balthazar and get the police off his trail. Not to mention the fact that people
often spent their NP on faeries rather than Codestones. And a Nimmo could easily
jump from where the Nimmo prints were situated to a handy handhold on the shrine.
For the second time that day, the Asparagus Chia cursed to himself for not dusting
the other three faces of the shrine for finger and paw prints. The Asparagus
Chia rose from his chair grimly. It all made sense, and now it was time to take
out the trash. Literally. In a few minutes the garbage collector would come,
and if Brian didn't hurry up, he'd be stuck with a bin full of rotten junk for
a week.
***
The Asparagus Chia wiped his forehead, sweeping away the trickle of sweat
meandering down his face. An unseen bug buzzed in the undergrowth, as the Asparagus
Chia crawled through the tropical jungle. He peered over the top of a bush,
and spotted the Training School. Carefully, he made his way to the back of the
dwelling, and scaled the pale yellow stone wall that separated the training
courtyard from the surrounding jungle. Panting, he dropped unceremoniously over
the wall, to land at the feet of a particularly angry red Nimmo. Ryshu bent
down, and leered nastily at Brian. "Well, if it ain't the famous, er,-" Ryshu
bent down to get a better look at the initials emblazoned onto the Asparagus
Chia's cape, "-Artichoke Chia!".
"The name is ASPARAGUS CHIA!" the Asparagus
Chia yelled.
"Whatever." Ryshu rolled his eyes in
what was a strangely similar manner to Judge Hog. "Anyhow, you've discovered
my little operation, and now you'll have to face a professional, top-notch ninja
martial arts master!"
"Where?" the Asparagus Chia said, looking
a bit confused.
"I'M THE PROFESSIONAL TOP-NOTCH NINJA,
YOU IDIOT!!!"
"Um, you forgot the bit about being a
martial arts master," the Asparagus Chia pointed out.
Ryshu, ignoring the remark, positioned
himself in a hostile martial arts stance, and yelled in true ninja-like fashion,
"Heeeeeeyaaaaa!"
"What?" said the Asparagus Chia, cupping
a paw around his ear. "What was that? I didn't quite understand what you said.
My hearing's starting to go a bit funny these days, you know, and I'm thinking
of going to see that Doctor Gelert at the Neopian Hospit-"
"Hiiya!" screamed Ryshu, and leaped into
the air. His figure soon formed a silhouette against the brightness of the sun,
and the Asparagus Chia, realising what was happening, rolled to one side. Ryshu
landed, his foot soaring through the air where the Asparagus Chia's head had
been a minute ago.
"Eeeeekkk!" The Asparagus Chia scampered
away even further, and drew his trusty Asparagus Powered Ray Gun. Looking over
the settings, he flicked the knob past 'Sting', 'Stun', 'Scorch', 'Extra Crispy',
'Burnt-to-a-crisp-like-a-Pork-Steak-cooked-by-an-Alien-Aisha' until the knob
stopped at the safety mechanism. Quickly flipping the safety mechanism aside,
he flicked the knob past several other levels, all the way up to the highest
level, namely 'Do-not-even-think-about-it-you-silly-Neopet-because-you'll-probably-blow-up-the-planet-if-you-fire-the-gun-on-this-setting'.
The Asparagus Chia squeezed off a few shots, but Ryshu dodged every one. A stray
blast flew off into the distance, and the Asparagus Chia was sure he saw a mountain
peak collapse. After flicking the knob back down to 'Burnt-to-a-crisp-like-a-Pork-Steak-cooked-by-an-Alien-Aisha'
the Asparagus Chia kept on firing, and before long there were blackened craters
everywhere. Ryshu somersaulted behind the Asparagus Chia, and karate chopped
him on the back of his head. It was a blow that would have knocked out a large
Elephante, but Ryshu wasn't counting on Brian's thick skull. Ryshu leapt backwards,
clutching his hand in pain. Reaching behind a palm tree, which had miraculously
been missed by the Asparagus Powered Ray Gun's wild blasts, Ryshu pulled out
a Nimmo Power Staff. The Asparagus Chia, in response, quickly pulled out his
trusty Aspara-Chucks. Ryshu, howling in fury, charged, and tried to whack the
Asparagus Chia over the head with the staff, but it was deflected by a carefully
calculated swing from the Aspara-Chucks.
"I may not know karate, but I know my
Asparagus," the Asparagus Chia quoted, trying to look heroic and noble.
Ryshu ignored the Asparagus Chia's words
once again, and shot out lightning rays from his staff. The Asparagus Chia drew
his cloak around him, and absorbed the shock. Ryshu back flipped gracefully,
used his momentum to keep on back flipping up the wall, and launched himself
into the air, aiming to hit the Asparagus Chia with a killer ninja spinning
kick. The Asparagus Chia, however, neatly stepped out of the way, and once Ryshu
had landed, head butted the Nimmo. The noise resonated through the jungle, and
Ryshu fell to the ground, unconscious. The Asparagus Chia had emerged victorious
yet again.
Searching Ryshu's premises, the Asparagus
Chia quickly found the luxurious bedroom. Looking over the dresser, he found
a Blue Hairbrush. He was about to toss it aside when he realised there was purplish-lavender
fur on the brush. Flipping it over, he looked at the handle of the hair brush,
which was inscribed with the words 'Property of Balthazar'. The Asparagus Chia
grinned to himself. He kept on searching, though, and eventually came to the
attic. Sneezing on the plentiful dust, he passed chest of armour, cases of antique
samurai swords, and eventually came to a derelict-looking wardrobe. Looking
carefully, he noticed that the dust on the Wardrobe's door had been disturbed,
pointing to the fact that most likely pretty recently it had been opened. Out
of curiosity, the Asparagus Chia opened it, and there, on a shelf level with
his face, was the statuette of Coltzan. The light which streamed in through
the attic window illuminated the statuette brilliantly, making it shine with
a gentle aurora. The Asparagus Chia had cracked the case.
***
"So, Angry Chia, nice work," Judge Hog said, reclining in his chair.
"Thank you, sir, but my name is Asparagus
Chia," the Asparagus Chia replied politely.
Judge Hog waved his foreleg hoof dismissively.
"I'd like to know, just how did you beat a martial arts master like Ryshu?"
"I used my head, sir."
The End |
