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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 19th day of Swimming, Yr 26
The Neopian Times Week 72 > Short Stories > Meridell Mayhem

Meridell Mayhem

by rain_hunter

"Come on, Setaji!" urged Maahina, bounding ahead and back, clearly out of her mind with excitement. Keljeri's eyes glittered, partly from the pain of having his tail stepped on by the young Aisha, and what lay within them was all too readable: How long should I cook her?

     The Lupe simply groaned. She remembered all too well what had happened the last time they'd gotten together, and was none the more happy for it. And that was no small part because Sibbie had been fed another three dozen chocolate items of dubious origin by none other than Maahina, the little yellow Aisha that had attached herself to the yellow Wocky, Nnamutaezinwa.

     I want my clay, she thought, longingly. Even if it does come from dirt.

     Nnansamba, however, was too preoccupied to pay any attention to this scene; having sunken into a wildly literary mood, she wished to make the best of it, and so was scribbling madly away at her notepad. Occasionally Setaji moved over in order to keep the white Aisha from kissing a lamppost, or some such obstacle as she blindly trundled along with the rest, the Furwitch, Elifyu, curled contentedly around Nnansamba's ear-lantern.

     Nnamutaezinwa, however, had objections, of which it seemed must be spread about at the top of his formidable voice. "Why the heck do we have to go there?" he complained, as Good With Ketchup bounced incessantly on his back, chattering at Sibbie. "They don't even have decent food!"

     "I told you. We're going for the games," sighed Keljeri, his attention taken away from Leiko.

     "Surely."

     At that very moment, a ragged Blumaroo peasant popped up beside Keljeri, shouting "Hello!" enthusiastically. And then Keljeri pounced on him. The Blumaroo was screaming and clawing at bushes and shrubs in a desperate attempt to get away by the time all of the troupe had managed to combine their strength enough to wrench the hissing, spitting baby Kougra off the hapless peasant, and he raced off through the trees, screeching about demon Neopets, linked in an obscure way to Darigan spies and infidels.

     Meanwhile, Nnansamba had surfaced from her trance and was staring at Keljeri with a shocked expression. The Kougra simply leapt to the ground and spat out a part of the Blumaroo's tail. "Hey, it'll grow back!" he assured the band, who did neither looked happy nor convinced. He began to wash.

     "Look!" yelped Maahina, who had been ignoring the whole conversation. "Cheese roller!" And indeed it was. The small Aisha shot towards it like a bullet, zigzagging erratically because of her violently swinging tail, which threatened to send her into the nearest tree, free of charge. Nnamutaezinwa scrambled after her, subsequently followed by a horde of shrieking, gas-molecule-imitating petpets. Ah, the wonders of science.

     When the rest reached the small thatched hut topping the hill, they met a giggling Maahina, who shushed them and pointed to a white Aisha, kissing the paw of a startled and slightly scared Nnamutaezinwa.

     "Um, really, Rav...indran, it's nice to be meeting you, and all the good pomph, but I have to--" faltered the yellow Wocky.

     "Oh, no, my sweet!" cooed the Aisha, apparently named Ravindran, who then repeatedly sneezed in fast-forward, taking a kerchief out of the invisible pocket that all Neopets seem to possess. Continuing to smile dazzlingly up at Nnamutaezinwa, he continued. "I'm afraid I have a slight case of the sneezles, but I'm sure you could make me better." Setaji snorted, and Nnamutaezimwa looked about to see what, exactly, had made that curious noise. Then, spotting the red Lupe cleverly hidden in some yolkalias, he shot her a pleading look, with a clear note attached: How much? She, in turn, grinned evilly back.

     Sibbie decided, right then, to have a good round of chase-the-tasty-butterflies, and set off after them, recruiting Good With Ketchup and Elifyu, although the Furwitch, in annoyance with the springy insects, began to cast spells at them. Some turned the most awful shades of chartreuse, yet more growing an extra limb. One grew an Elephante's trunk, and somewhere, off in the distance, they heard hysterical screaming concerning plastic surgery and some very rude things having to do with yellow abominable snowmen.

     With another flick and a growl, Elifyu turned and threw another enchantment, shoving it up Ravindran's ear. It began to bloat, then billow, and finally turn a strange pearly-orange colour. Satisfied, the Furwitch walked over to its creation and took a large bite out of the former ear. Ravi started, screaming "Get it off! Get it off!" until Maahina, who had been laughing in crazed hilarity, plucked the petpets off and put them inside the cheese shop.

     "Maahina! No!" Setaji yelled as she sauntered back, a smug expression plastered all over. Which does not, boys and girls, mean that the little hyperactive Aisha had somehow gotten a-hold of silly putty and smacking her face with it. A large crash came from the shop, along with a cry of "My cheese!" Keljeri, being the sadistic little monster that he was, rushed over to get a decent view of the proceedings.

     Inside, where everyone had suddenly found themselves (thanks to the benevolent magic of the cheese-loving Anonymous Faerie), was splattered with spice-riddled juppie cheese, finely diced. Smoked snorkle bacon strips were everywhere, on counters, barrels, and up noses! Brain bits flew about with a life of their own! Meanwhile, there appeared to be an unusual number of petpets about, all munching on something or other.

     The Techo was running around in circles, and adhering to the pattern of shouting of spies, infidels, and numerous possessed petpets. Nnansamba, who had been previously hiding in a mysterious place that no one knows about, crashed through the hut, riding the excessively large Turmaculus, who chose that moment to complete a stunning pirouette in mid-house. Immediately, seven Turtums began a small ballet, flinging themselves around and off the hill, sliding downwards like so many cheese wheels.

     Nnansamba grabbed the Neopets, except for the Techo, who had disappeared and was last seen wearing a horrible wig and toting a rather impressive attack fork. She reached into that non-existent pocket, retrieved a struggling Tenna tied to a long stick, and dangled the petpet over Turmaculus' head, eliciting a sort of lumbering-Slorg motion. Once, the Aisha lifted the branch higher, the Tenna squeaking angrily, to cause Turmaculus to do a hop-step on a particularly tacky photo of the Techo side-by-side the Meridell King, Skarl.

     They dashed off through the hills, towards the Kiss the Mortog game, and ran through, wherein Mortogs were pushed together so tightly that they kissed each other, causing a mass explosion with petpet innards everywhere, along with princes and princesses shrieking and running for cover.

     "Um," said Ravi as he looked back at the mess and turned a slight shade of green. Keljeri laughed evilly, and put out one tiny claw, deftly poking the Turmaculus. Now, regular Neopet claws or talons might not have had such a reaction, but these were baby Neopet claws, and for some strange reason they're sharper than normal. So then, where were we? Ah. Well, the Turmaculus was so surprised from that poke on the bum that it completely lost it, bulldozing through Round Table Poker, where behind many heard shouted curses which are inappropriate for your precious little ears, as several gauze-wearing Kacheeks with bad sinuses and bowlegged Meercas (who began laughing hysterically as soon as they hit the ground) flew through the air.

     "Take your ritalin!" yelled Setaji, even though she had no idea what it meant.

     It was at the Meridell Farms point that the Turmaculus stopped dead. As Keljeri looked back from the scene of utter chaos, he was faced with a small army of angry, collectable card wielding (mostly Glug Glug Jones), badly-dressed peasants with random berries stuffed up their noses (Nnansamba wondered, privately, if this whole adventure was based on people getting things stuffed up their nostrils. Well, guess what!). Even the Lupe, imitating a puffy-cheek hamster, was there, carrying a torch. The Turmaculus fled, having mysteriously rid itself of its passengers in a very mysterious way, quite probably having to do with his left nostril, which hadn't been clogged yet.

     "Demon Darigan Noxers!" cried the crowd, and lunged forward, sending all of the Neopets fleeing for their very lives -- or at least their earlobes. By golly, they liked them just where they were! The chasing-panic-run-for-your-neopian-bagels continued, at least until the five ran up a very sturdy tree. "Another situation I wouldn't be in if I were DEAD!" muttered Ravindran, voice escalating to a holler.

     The motley militia started to set up camp, much to the horror of those looking down upon them from the branching reaches. Or reaching branches, tomatoe-tomato. Then, (un)reliable as always, the petpets...attacked! Sibbie the Hyperbunny mauled dozens of Meridell inhabitants with mere annoyance alone, whilst Elifyu made enchanted asparagus sprout from unsuspecting ears! Countless screaming peasants fell under the terrible onslaught of Clockwork, Ravindran's never-before-seen robot snowman, terribly standing upright and blinking with a terrible menace!

     As Good With Ketchup entered the battle, the Meridell militia turned tail (literally) and ran, yet complaining in loud voices about Darigan spies and infidels. A butterfly drifted peacefully onto Keljeri's nose, who promptly disembowled it, if that's possible. Then they all went home, shoved a good bit of asparagus up their noses, and made fun of certain Chias who will, of course, remain unknown. And they went to bed, wherein they were all bumped off in their sleep.

     Hah. You wish.

The End

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