"'Rey, you really shouldn't eat that. It's disgusting!"
"Hey, everything is edible with salt," replied
Pawrey, happily munching on the contents of a bottle of love. Liberally salted,
of course.
"Oh, yes, surely. Like that fuzzle you tried
to eat last week?" Keljeri retorted, manic amusement flickering wildly in his
eyes.
"Hmm..." Pawrey thought it over. "Except for
those things. But--" He was cut off abruptly by the doorbell, and went to fetch
it from down the hallway, decorated with feather paintings from Emilia's own
house. Pawrey clicked open the door--and screamed hysterically. Nnansamba was
already down the hall before the others reacted, scribbling madly on her ever-present
notepad, and had turned it to show the words "What happened?" when Pawrey
started laughing. Setaji looked up from her sculpting, and stared at 'Rey with
the curious mingling of fear and amusement that one might bestow upon a loon
getting his afternoon jollies.
Then, of course, Nnansamba looked out the doorframe
to what seemed to be a pair of belated trick-or-treaters, and jumped. The two
were dressed most tackily, boasting zig-zag patterned pants with bottles dangling
off. And they were dusty. Very, very dusty.
"Hmm," said Leiko, coming out of the kitchen
where she had recently fled to hide inside a random cupboard. "Would you like
to come inside and wash up?" Because the two Bruces looked frazzled--overblack
fur standing straight out in erratic spikes along their wings, heads and tails.
Fortunately, they nodded. Nnansamba was sure that she would have gone into convulsions
from being exposed to such bad taste, and promised to send them large amounts
of Neopoints if they would stay away.
Leiko padded over to Pawrey, inquiring as to
what the commotion was about. The green Kougra responded with a shrug and a
sheepish, though slightly smug, grin. Setaji joined them--after placing a special
dome of invisishield about her sculpture, of course--and glared at Pawrey until
he was forced to admit. "They scared me. I thought they were some new kind of
Ghost Lupe, or Meuka."
Setaji walked off, muttering dark and dire warnings
of how Neopia would fall to the stupidity of Kougras, as well as some assorted
Chias, Tonus, and Nimmo Gardeners. Eventually, though, Pawrey was back to consuming
large amounts of salt accompanied by a side dish of food, and there was a war
in the kitchen concerning a pair of tongs, a squeaky Bruce toy that was repeatedly
being chucked about the room, and a jar of raspberry jam coveted by Keljeri,
who was currently hiding on top of the 'fridge.
It was about then that Setaji entered, dragging
a pair of still-spiky Bruces, of whom looked as if a large Slorg was dropped
on their heads, and ducked to narrowly miss the airborne toy. Politely, ever
politely, the Lupe asked Nnansamba--who was tugging a large wagon with rockets
duct-taped to the sides into view--if she had any more hair gel. Because, frankly,
the Aisha was well known for her bad hair days.
"Yes--in the upper cupboard," wrote Nnansamba,
lowering her left ear, carrying her ever-present lantern in order to get better
light as Bugger (officially Annoying Bugger) leapt on top of her head, shrieking
energetically. "Weren't those eight bottles enough?"
"No," Setaji called over the din, and went on
to explain, raising her voice to be clearly heard. "The gels weren't strong
enough, I only dented the edges!"
"They don't make them like they used to...."
Nnansamba scribbled.
However, at precisely that moment, Bugger--joined
by all of his other friends; Adai, Bliss, Cocoa, and Sibbie (doing a rather
good imitation of a hummingbird-turned-gas-molecule-on-a-sugar-high) sped past,
seated in the rocket-powered wagon. Nnansamba then departed, writing "Darned
if I ever use one of those again!" as a fare-thee-well.
This inevitably led to every Neopet in the house,
including the two anonymous Bruces, running after Nnansamba and the petpets,
which then led to every Neopet in the house chasing five hopped-up petpets about
the house. They were beginning to tire when the rockets went out for a moment,
then flared up, and spun. "Please! Miss Writer! Spare us from these agonising
clichés!" the Aisha wrote, and commenced to wave it about as she
was closely tailed by the wagon. Keljeri, however, had stayed upon the 'fridge
(okay, almost every Neopet), and with a great joyousness in his eyes, began
to sing "the wheels on the bus go round and round" endlessly. After a minute,
he had taken to throwing random items at the frantic train of Neopets, studiously
avoiding any target that wouldn't cause anyone to trip and fall. The action
continued until Leiko suddenly whirled, jumping among the crazed petpets. Grabbing
a portable phone once she discovered that there wasn't any driving equipment,
she hurriedly dialed the Neopian Police.
"What's your emergency?" asked a cheerfully Flotsam-like
voice.
"I can't stop this wagon!" complained Leiko,
and as afterthought, "And I itch!"
"Ummm...okay," replied the voice uncertainly.
"I'm afraid we can't help your...itchiness. May I have your address?" "No!"
gasped Leiko, horrified. "I'm not supposed to give my address to strangers."
And, for lack of a base to slam it on, she dropped it and simply listened to
the increasingly vexed words emanating from the telephone, until the person
hung up and it added a constant beat to the yells of the running Neopets
"Dangit, Leiko!" shouted Setaji, avoiding a
rangamelon thrown by Keljeri. "Pull up! Pull up!"
So Leiko, having played numerous versions of
flying games, threw herself back, and flattened herself to the floor and it
went through the ceiling, raining happily screaming petpets. It stopped ascending
about fifty feet in the air, wherein it began to spin again, to a Shrimp Biscuit
beat from far below.
"You ninny!" she yelled at it as she was unseated.
"That isn't even music! Just noise! Noi-i-i-i-i-se," she repeated, falling to
the ground and landing with a soft whump in the trees. A couple squirrel-like
creatures gazed at her longingly, and then jumped to hang from her tail- and
ear-strings. Leiko commented longingly on how they would taste when deep-fried
in butter and dipped in some of her special spice barbecue sauce.
This seemed enough motive to get them off.
As she trudged back to the house, Leiko found
herself along a typically dark and spooky path. A rustle came from the dark
and spooky bushes, and the blue Gelert froze in place. "Oh, I do hope that isn't
the Ghost Lupe!" she exclaimed, suddenly having been transformed into a sappy
love-story heroine.
"It is I, the Ghost Lupe!" replied a deep tenor.
"I have come to take my revenge on you!"
"Revenge?" asked Leiko, baffled. "Revenge for
what?"
"I...er....It doesn't matter!" boomed the Ghost
Lupe. "I am feeling revengie!"
"But revengie isn't a word! And if you're a ghost,
you can't even hurt me!" complained the blue Gelert.
"I don't care!" snarled the Ghost Lupe, who
emerged from the dark and spooky shrubbery and charged at her. When Leiko didn't
run, though, the dark and spooky Lupe stopped and commenced to sulk.
"You're supposed to scream and run away!" he
pouted. Which, of course, is a direct reminder that the Lupes that are literate
Lupes read too many romance novels, with very few exceptions, like Setaji, whose
life revolves around stuff that comes from dirt.
"Why?" inquired Leiko. "I have too much to do."
"Er....Well then, you must compensate me anyway!
And I'm hungry," he added. Leiko sighed and tore off several died grapefruit
pieces that had stuck to her side when it was splattered with syrup. From the
Ghost Lupe's delighted expression, this was exactly the right thing to do, and
she snuck away whilst he was loading on salt.
When she got back home, the others greeted her,
hugged her, and informed her that the two Bruces had run off screeching about
loonies and perms when they'd gotten out the other sixteen packages of gel.
And it occurred to her that they neither knew the two Bruces' names nor what
they were here for.
Then she fell asleep, at a place that is unknown
and shrouded in mystery, like, say, the living room floor.
The End | 
