"Curse you, you infernal, rotten thing. Why won't you
just close in the name of rotten potatoes!" Wacky was scolding his suitcase
after it had burst open for the umpteenth time. (It was more like the 9,842,285,673,694,925th
time, but that is another story) He had to hurry if he wanted to catch the boat,
and his dynamite of a suitcase was certainly not helping to improve the
situation.
"Doctor, I've got a suitcase-wielding Wocky
on this end, running in the direction of the docks," MrCrazy said. "What happened
to your little plan, Doctor?"
"Foolish Lupe, this is the 9,842,285,673,694,925th
time. You've got to get there before he does! And don't tell anyone you work
for me. You got that?"
"Cross my heart, hope to die, press my nose,
stick a finger in my eye, and deprive me of food for the next few weeks?!? That
can't be right! Let me try again - cross my heart, hope to die, press - "
"THAT'S ENOUGH!!!! You'd better hurry if you
want to get there first!"
"Oh yes, of course, Boss." He activated a jet
pack that he was wearing and flew off.
When Wacky got there, the first thing he wanted
to do was wolf down a good meal at the Golden Dubloon. (He had used the 50,000
NP to buy dubloons) He sat down in a large, comfy chair. But MrCrazy was watching
him through one of the portholes.
"Arr, every sea urchin dining at the finest
restaurant in the seven seas should have a good cigar. Have one, matey," said
a nearby pirate. He stuffed one into Wacky's mouth and lit it. "Enjoy."
Of course, Wacky did not enjoy it. He spat it
all out the porthole and straight into MrCrazy's nose.
"Help, Boss! My nose's on fire, my nose's on
fire! Help me, help me! Call the fire brigade, sound the alarms, write my will!
Oh, woe is me. I'm going to become a charred lump. Bye cruel world, hello paradise."
"Put your nose in the sea, you fool!"
"Oh, right. Now what are we going to do?"
"Tell those pirates that run the Smuggler's
Cove they have a new Wocky to work in the galley that brings their goods to
the cove. He's only for rental at ten dubloons a week. If service is unsatisfactory,
they are advised to return him. But they have to find the Wocky first."
It was at noon that the Lupe told the smugglers
where to find Wacky and that he was one year old, blue, with a notched ear,
cut-up tail and a mechanical right arm.
When the smugglers found Wacky, he was already
asleep. He had apparently been drinking plenty of cocktails. The smugglers dragged
him away.
The cry of 'Forward, ho!' woke Wacky up. He
found that he was chained to his seat. He looked around him and saw some other
Neopets looking at him strangely. They were also chained to their seats. He
looked at the paddle in front of him and started to paddle. The Neopets that
had been looking at him started paddling in the same direction.
There was one problem: some of the pets were
paddling forward, while the others were paddling backward. Wacky was one of
those pets that paddled backward.
"Arr, something's not right. One hour straight
of paddlin' and we're still here, collecting barnacles while the blastid sun
is fryin' the deck. Ya had better go check on those scurvy brats, paddlin' away
for good."
"Aye aye, sir!" Within minutes a pirate Krawk
came down the stairs and looked at all of the pets paddling for what they were
worth. He found the pets that were paddling backwards.
"Who told ya scurvy brats to paddle backwards
when we said 'Forward, ho!'?"
All the pets pointed at Wacky.
"Is it? You scurvy little brat, I'll leave ya
in the ocean ta collect barnacles and fry in the sun!" With that he unlocked
Wacky's chains and made a futile attempt to push him out a porthole.
"Aye, I may be Wacky, but I'm not stupid," Wacky
said. He hit the Krawk with his right arm. The result: an unconscious Krawk
and freedom to the pets.
"Incompetent Lupe!" Sloth yelled at MrCrazy,
when he was celebrating the accomplishment of the mission.
"Why?!?"
"Because the smugglers have sued us for loss
of their galley slaves, Mr. Foolish Lupe!"
"I have a name and it is not my fault, Mr. Green
Guy With Red Eyes And A Foolish Grin Showing Desire To Take Over The Universe.
Why blame me?"
"Now look who's name calling, incompetent Lupe.
Anyway, they say the one- year-old blue Wocky with a notched ear, cutup tail
and a mechanical right arm helped the slaves escape! They say he hit the pirate
Krawk real hard in the face. Have you got anything to say for yourself?"
"Loosen up, Doctor. It's not my fault he has
a mechanical right arm." (Actually it was partly his fault, but I fear that
I cannot put the incident here. Wacky would hit me with his right arm if I did.)
"Besides how was I supposed to know he would do that? Knock some sense into
your head, Doctor."
"HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT! I'LL... never mind.
I've got a brilliant, absolutely evil, delicious plan. And I want no mistakes.
YOU GOT THAT?!?"
"Yes, I promise, no mistakes. Cross my heart,
hope to die, press my nose, stick a finger in my eye, if I don't I shall roll
a die, if it rolls 5 I will buy a knife, with a blow of that knife, I die. Hey,
that's perfect! See, no mistakes!"
"Whatever, imbecile. Come back here to the lab
for supplies and plan layout."
***
Wacky went to a wrecked ship marked: Le Wonderful Hotel. After checking in,
he slumped onto the king-sized bed and fell asleep almost immediately. He dreamed
that his brother's killer (Eater would have been a better word, but that is
another story in itself, by the way, so I am obliged not to put it here) called
MrCrazy, was now trying to capture him and drag him to Sloth's lab. So much
for being able to predict the future in dreams, this was happening while he
was dreaming.
"Er, Boss?" MrCrazy whined. "Are you sure about
this?"
"Stop whining, Mr. Foolish Lupe. And no mistakes
this time. Do you remember your promise?"
"Sure I do, Mr. So Full Of Half-Eaten Berries
That Your Eyes Are Red. Cross my heart, hope to die - "
"THAT IS FAR MORE THAN ENOUGH!!!!!!! I will
tell you what to do for the 9,990,784,892,212,123,456,789,026,890,785th time,
since you forgot. You have to put those fermented Strongberry stink bombs in
the window! Where are they?"
"I don't know what you are talking about, Boss.
You never gave me stink bombs."
"The sheer stupidity of a Lupe with fur that
has so much dung in it the fur is brown. They look like gun cartridges. Don't
you still have them in your inventory? And do not tell me you don't have them."
"Oh, so that's what they were! No wonder I fell
asleep puffing on them in the Coffee Shop."
"WHAT!!?!!? You and your dung-filled head! I'm
going to bite that stupid tail off, when you get back. You've gone too far,
turning some stink bombs that are the whole lifeline of Operation Wacky Wocky
into perfectly useless #$&@*@# empty cartridges! Curse your nose made of
a rotten potato wedge. Those ears are nothing but... but... useless rotten greenish
carrots! Why, you're nothing but a heap of walking rotten food! Nincompoop,
imbecile, rotten lump, fool, incompetent thing, foolish Lupe, I've just run
out of words to say!"
"Doc, learn to unwind, slowly and surely, like
an onion that has been peeled. That's right, take a hot bath, just relax and
sink into your couch, yes, that's a good doctor." (After all that screaming
and cursing and yelling and he's still not shaken? I'm impressed.)
"Imbecile Lupe!!! We'll have to find a substitute
and fill up the cartridges. Any recommendation?"
"Neonip, of course. It acts like catnip on Aishas,
Kougras, Noils, Gruslens, Kadoaties, and Wockys, but other species are not affected."
"An excellent plan, but nobody said there was
any Neonip on Krawk Island. Did they? No, they did not. Wild Neonip is only
found in the Maraquan Whirlpool. And can you get there without being eaten by
Neosharks? No, you can't. Just say how are you to get there and we can begin."
"We could use the Neonip pellets in Neonip Critters.
We'll burn them for extra scent."
"They're too expensive, for crying out loud,
foolish Lupe."
"I got some Neonip Critters on the way here,
to chew on and sharpen my teeth. Do you think they're sharp, Doc?"
"Enough already, foolish Lupe. Just empty the
pellets into the cartridges."
"How do I open the Neonip Critter? I don't have
a knife. Be sensible."
"Use your 'razor sharp beautiful pearly-white
teeth', you fool!!!"
"Oh, right again, Doc! You're always right."
(Sounds of something chewing on rubber are heard)
"Bother imbecile Lupes that can't do things
right..."
"Now what do I do?"
"Sheesh. Do I look like a schoolteacher to you,
foolish dunce?"
"Oh, sure you do. You're Dr. Sloth, MvD (Meanness
And Vileness Degree) ReD (Red-Eyes Degree (?)) MmaM (Mutant Maker and Master)
and soon-to-be-coming, CTWON (Conquering The Whole Of Neopia). Does that not
make you a full-blown schoolteacher?"
"IDIOT!!!!!!! Just put the cartridges in that
Wocky's room, and seal the doors and windows with the heavy-duty tape!!!"
"Of course, Boss." The Lupe then got busy preparing
the cartridges and sealing the openings in the room.
It was five o' clock when Wacky got up. He had
an ache in his head and his tummy had a thunderstorm brewing inside. His left
arm hurt and his right arm, well, being mechanical, there is nothing much to
be said about it.
"I guess I'll have to eat some more food at
the Golden Dubloon. There's no telling how long I've been asleep..." he moaned.
When he tried to open the door, he found that
it was stuck. "Stupid door, refusing to open in the name of piles of sludge,"
he silently cursed.
MrCrazy saw Wacky trying to open the door, which
you will remember, was sealed with heavy-duty tape.
"What now, Doc?"
"STUPID LUPE!!!!!! Just pop the cartridges in
a window!!!"
"But you told me to seal them with tape!"
"Bother foolish Lupes called MrCrazy... JUST
USE YOUR DARNED @##$%&**$ TEETH TO PULL OFF THE TAPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Are you sure my teeth won't become sticky?"
"JUST DO IT!!!!!"
MrCrazy popped a hundred cartridges in the window
and sealed it. As the gas leaked out of the cartridges, Wacky started seeing
'pretty fireworks' and green stars. He fell onto the floor and lost consciousness.
"Now what, Doc?"
"Bring him back here, WILL YOU!?!?!?"
"O-okay, Boss, I will. One good guinea pig coming
right up!"
To be continued... | 
