Profile of a Lupologist
From Al's Notes...
My life has been very fruitful. At least I can
say that about most of my Lupological research. I've discovered many things
that benefited Lupe kind, and I hope to discover more in the future. Lupes have
always been a topic of interest for me, which is why I am writing this today.
Yes, I am starting my official memoirs. They
are long, and sometimes painful, and sometimes funny, and sometimes, simply
odd. But I only hope you can relate to my quaint little life, and can understand
the grief and joy that I have went through to reach the status I am at today.
Now, where to begin...
I was born on a cold, December evening in the
town of Furgleton. It was not yet a city, but a small community of gentle Chias.
My great grandfather, Alfonso Armani Chia, was the first of the Chia family
to live here. But, enough of boring you with family history, although I probably
should go into detail a little more...
You see, most of my ancestors had always been
a little curious about things they shouldn't have been. As a matter of fact,
that's how my great great grandfather met his untimely demise...
You see, we've all had a peculiar interest in
Lupini Munchem Chium, or as they are more commonly known as, Lupes.
Well, most of us, at least. My brother, Phil,
is more interested in money. We could call him the black sheep of our family,
but that would be an understatement. But I'll get to him later.
Gee, my thoughts are just kind of wandering...maybe
I'd better start focusing on something...
Well, let's see...how old am I? Well, I can't
remember the exact date I was born in. Besides, telling you this would ruin
my mystique. Then again, I don't really have MUCH of a mystique, being a Lupologist
and all that...pretty boring job to most people, but I've enjoyed it...
AHEM...back to the point...
Anyway, I was born on a cold, winter morning
in the Chia estate, a large mansion just across the street from the cot I live
in now. Yes, our family is extremely wealthy, mostly from the hard work of my
great-great grandfather. Well, Phil's actually sucked up most of the money...I've
only been left with a less than satisfactory amount.
But that's not the point.
Anyway, my mother and father, Reba Joanne Chia
and Albert Morris Chia, raised me with loving care in the cavernous rooms of
our beautiful home. They always distributed their wealth equally, and devoted
their lives to making the Chia maids, butlers, and lab assistants (my father's
interests were also tainted by the gene pool).
Yes, we were a very happy family. And our joy
was greatened even more when a new Chia was born, Phil Derek Chia, my little
brother. The greatest surprise to us was that Phil was born a fruit Chia. There
had never been one in the family before. Dad said it was a sign. Most wealthy,
snobby Chias were painted fruit, he told me once. We should be happy with what
we have, and we should not have to worry about painting ourselves. This was
true. Every Chia Chia in the family had been born and stayed a basic colour.
Maybe this was why Phil felt so separate from
all of us.
At family gatherings and events, he would simply
shut and lock the door to his room until a butler was forced to kick the door
down and drag him out to get kissed by our flabby-armed Aunts, who left imprints
of their lips and horn-rimmed glasses pressed into our face. I must admit I
didn't find this enthralling either, but I wouldn't lock myself away for it.
Anyway, we both grew up to be smart, intellectual
Chias. Well, as smart as we possibly could be. Dad always told me there is always
a bigger fish in the sea.
When Phil heard this, he replied that in that
case, the smaller fish should hire a hit man to rub out the bigger fish so that
the littler fish could be on top of the food chain and force mergers and gain
monopolies on the turtles, squids, crabs, and other fanciful creatures of the
sea, conglomerate into one big under-the-sea corporation, and take over the
ocean economy, setting the prices as high as they so desired and overtaxing
the citizens for all they were worth until they could fly off to an aquarium
on Mystery Island, richer than kings and as happy as clams, while the ocean
collapsed under the poor fish's pathetic, unworthy flippers.
You can imagine why dad didn't seem to like
Oh, off topic once more. It's so hard to talk
Anyway, I went to Furgleton High School. They
didn't offer an extensive Lupology course, but it was enough to learn the basics.
Phil, however, decided to take economy classes, which made dad even angrier.
Mom didn't seem to approve either.
Anyway, after graduating, I went to the Academy
of Lupology, to increase my Lupological status and become a fully licensed researcher
of the great Lupe Phil leapt straight from High School to a job at the local
Fast Food joint. Somehow, he weaseled his way from Trainee to manager, and from
manager to supervisor, and from supervisor to CEO (That one is still a headscratcher).
He managed to change the company into more broad terms, and after many mergers,
he had created the biggest company in Furgleton. The economy boomed, and the
small town transformed into a huge city overnight.
Dad had to admit that Phil was sharing the wealth
when looking at the beautiful things he had built all over the city. Monuments
dedicated to past Chias, the Smith Tower (the third tallest Tower in all of
Neopia behind the Faerie Queen's Castle and in front of the Hidden Tower, first
place goes to Meridell), and the Furgleton National Museum. He also created
zoos, parks, parking lots, apartments, condos, housing, factories, malls, extremely
large amounts of jobs.
But things began to change. Phil wanted to expand
Furgleton more. And so, he set his sites on the one plot of land that would
get in the way of his new ideas for developing the biggest and most wonderful
amusement park that the world had ever seen.
The only problem was that he was setting his
sites on Lupe Forest, which he knew was the home of many, many Lupes. But luckily,
the Faerie Queen herself named it a Neopian Preservation Area, and even his
rich tomato paws couldn't grab hold.
So, he searched for loopholes, filed a lawsuit,
and somehow found a way past the Queen's declaration. He was just about to bulldoze
the natural habitat of almost six thousand lupes when all of the sudden, something
happened. A good friend of mine named Peacepaw, along with his entire pack,
chained themselves to the trees. Other Lupes took a more violent approach, and
ended up driving every Chia out of there.
Phil wasn't very happy when the Faerie Queen
discovered about his devious loop holing from the news that her preserved site
was being destroyed. She closed off all possibility of destroying the land,
and Phil was forever closed out of Lupe forest.
But Phil is still searching for a way to sneak
past again, to seize Lupe forest. He's enlisted the aide of some of the top
corporate dogs, including Malkus Vile, to assist him in his horrible plans.
I fear for the sanctity of Neopian Economy should he ever succeed.
Huh? Wait...oh, I graduated from college and
became a Lupologist, and here I am. Well, that was nice. I hope you liked my
life story! Remember to remain humble to your lesser, and support the needy,
even if you yourself are in need. Greed is a disease, make love, not war, and
always try to stay on the good side of the people you respect. And always wear
sunscreen...erm...I don't know...what else can I say in my memoirs?