Les slicked back his mane a bit self-consciously as Stevo
set up the cut-out and Keri checked her eyeshadow in her mirror. The last few
weeks hadn't been easy - but things seemed to be settling back to normal. Quivel
had moved back out of his room, Keri seemed to have accepted him back into the
fold, and Stevo was happier than ever to be with his best mate again. And, Les
reasoned, hopefully nobody would ask about the Space Station. He shuddered slightly,
reminiscing about how his dream come true had turned into his personal nightmare.
Quivel grumbled as he checked the camera for
damage and cracks. He didn't know which was worse... having lost his one shot
in the limelight thanks to a flaming Kyrii, or having to risk life and limb
as a Krawk Krew Kam member again. Les was looking so self-important... he ruefully
focused the camera on the trio as they took their places in front of their location,
and tried not to imagine he was targeting a frost cannon.
"Welcome to another exciting adventure at the
Krawk Lair, mates!" Stevo boomed, with even more exuberance than usual. It was
just like before again. "Today, we're going to undertake a dangerous mission...
it seems that Krawks are being abused in a horrible underground game known as
'Dance Krawk Dance', and we're here at Manny Moehog's Disco Groove Shack to
get an inside word on this atrocity." He grinned cheerily, and waved an arm
at the front of the nightclub.
Les squinted at the club a moment... wondering
why it looked so familiar. Could it... no, it couldn't be. He smiled at the
camera, and slicked back his mane. "The Krawk Krew has dealt with a lot of riled
creatures in its time, but now, we're about to confront our most dangerous environment
- a dance club!" He grinned cheesily, self-consciously combing back his mane
a bit. "And to help, we've recruited none other than the most famous Ptelvis
Ptersley impersonator to hit the disco scene, the one and only Leisure Suit
Lenny!"
Keri made a face, and muttered quietly, "What
sort of self-respecting Neopet wears a leisure suit, anyway?" Noting the camera
had been turned in her direction, she faked a smile, and continued in a more
audible tone. "Well, let's go in and find the bum... do we have our weapons?"
Les flicked his wrist, and held up his hand
with a grin, revealing the Kyrii Shocker tucked into it. "Check!"
Stevo cheerfully removed a Wocky Hair Grenade
from his pocket and held it up. "All set. Now, this is strictly for our own
safety; with the environment we're about to enter, it never hurts to be a bit
cautious."
Keri thoughtfully checked the Improved Lightning
Beam she'd taken from the Lair's supplies, and gave a test zap to a passing
Bruce in a tuxedo. "Heh - all right, that should do it," she chuckled, watching
the Bruce yelp and scurry off quickly.
Quivel blinked, realising... "Hey... I don't
have any weapons. Shouldn't I be carrying something?"
Keri snapped, eyeing Quivel, "Of course not,
you're the cameraman! You're supposed to carry the camera!"
Quivel quieted, beginning to feel a cold sweat
coming on. It couldn't possibly be a good sign when everyone else but him was
carrying some form of weaponry... but it was certainly too late to protest the
matter, as Keri had already turned and was heading up to the rainbow-coloured
door. Stevo and Les hurried after, and reluctantly, Quivel shouldered the camera
and followed the Krew as they entered the Groove Shack.
Stevo squinted around. The bright, multicoloured
lights, and the twirling reflective ball on the ceiling, made the room a bit
disorienting to enter. The throngs of disco-painted Neopets dancing their tails
off to "Shoyru Inferno" weren't helping matters any. Worse, crowds of Neopets
without disco coloration or dance skills were present to admire "The Fontaines"'
playing style, making it even more difficult to find their quarry. Quivel wasn't
sure where to focus the camera - on the gaudily-made-up Aisha girls on stage,
on the dance floor, or on the Furwins, who were looking around in a state of
confusion. Les made a gesture - as it was nigh impossible to shout over the
music - and calmly nudged his way through the dancewatchers and over towards
the service counter, motioning for the others to follow.
Seated at the bar was the strangest sight that
Quivel had ever laid a camera lens on. The name had not been wrong - Leisure
Suit Lenny really did appear to be a Lenny in a leisure suit, with black hair
at the top of his head where no respectable Lenny would have it, and a shiny
gold medallion that seemed to sparkle in the many lights.
"This is our contact?" Keri muttered, wincing.
"Does he really believe that anyone would be fooled by that hair?"
Stevo patted Keri's arm. "Shush, dear, it's
not nice to insult the guide until after he's shown us where we're going. Les,
you're sure this bloke is ace, right?"
Les looked thoughtful. "He's all right, really.
Said he knew me from somewhere, and from there, setting this up was a piece
of Snow Cake. I'll just go introduce us..." He looked up, and strode forward,
as if boldly sauntering into a cave full of Gruslens. "Mr. Featherstein! So
good of you to meet us here on such short notice."
The Lenny eyed Les, and slicked back his hair
in a familiar gesture. "Hey, hey, the Les-sential! I was wondering if you were
going to groove in tonight or not. Who's your friends? And just call me Lenny
- or Leonard, if you're uncomfortable with the species connotations, man."
Stevo cheerfully stepped forward to make introductions
himself. "Hello, Leonard - I'm Stevo Furwin, this is the missus, Keri - you've
already met Les, I see - and that's our cameraman." He pointed a thumb briefly
at Quivel on this last note.
Quivel piped up, somewhat vexed, "Quivel. Part-time
assistant!"
Les eyed Quivel a moment. "Yeah, yeah, whatever."
Leonard's eyes sparkled in momentary recognition.
"Hey, wait... you're that Stevo Furwin? The PetPet Rescuer? Man, I didn't
get a chance to get your autograph the last time you guys were in here."
Stevo glanced momentarily at Les, and made a
quick 'stop' gesture to Leonard. "Er, ah, let's not bring that up now, mate
- we're here about these horrible reports we've been receiving about an underground
dance ring that uses agility-impaired Krawks and cruelly forces them to mimic
the actions of a button-pressing overlord."
Leonard winced slightly. "Oh, that. Uh...
well... that's downstairs. You see those two guys over there?" He made a gesture
with a wingtip, and Stevo, Keri, Les, and Quivel's camera followed the gaze,
focusing on two burly-looking mutant Grundos dressed in tie-dye shirts and sun
hats, standing to either side of an unassuming elevator. "They just moved their
elevator in without asking yesterday. Said they were working with the NeoStaff,
it's all about sponsors... I went down there, and it's not a pretty sight."
Stevo frowned. "You mean they hurt the poor
Krawks down there?"
Leonard replied, "Oh, no, it's not that, it's
just that--"
"What in the name of the Maraqua plot did you
do to your head?" Keri finally snapped, completely bypassing the point Leonard
had been ready to make.
Leonard blinked a moment. "You mean, my hair?"
Keri continued, looking irritable. "Yes, that.
Lennys don't have hair. Why would someone want to have hair when they're supposed
to have feathers?"
"Well, ah..." Leonard murmured, looking a bit
taken aback. "It's the Fur Club for Pets. Great if you lose your hair, or need
hair..."
Les piped in, "Yes, it's great for recovering
after nasty burns."
Keri snarled. "But Lennys don't need
hair!"
Stevo decided now was as good a moment as any,
and leaned towards Quivel while Keri, Les, and Leonard were discussing the merits
of birds with hair. Extracting a keychain from his pocket, he carefully held
it up in front of the camera lens. Quivel focused quietly on it, as Stevo set
the Shidi keychain to swinging back and forth in an almost hypnotising manner.
"Whether it's a fate that's dark and dreary, or a tale that's bright and cheery,
Shidi's writings always rate, and their titles often alliterate!" The camera
began to slouch forward as Quivel started to droop. Stevo blinked, and swiftly
repocketed the chain. "Oops... I didn't know this week's commercial was that
bad..."
"Look... miss Furwin... you're swell and all,
but could you lay off the hairdo?" Leonard was beginning to sound a bit riled.
Stevo hastily turned to attempt to calm him
down. "Sorry, sorry, Leonard... anyhow... ah... so how are we going to get down
there? Those Grundo blokes look a bit... easily riled."
Keri snapped, "How about we just blast them?
They can't be that tough."
Leonard flapped his wings agitatedly, and frowned.
"No, man - you can't go shooting things in here. That's way uncool. What you
really need is some sort of a diversion..."
Abruptly, an overjoyed voice bellowed, "Les!"
at the top of its lungs. Les turned slowly, wincing. He recognised that voice...
Sure enough, stomping across the dance floor with the happiest of smiles was
a disco-coloured Chomby. "I'm so glad you're here! Come here - I feel like dancing
again tonight!"
Les' eyes widened, and he bolted backwards.
"Agh! Charly! Um... sorry, mate, but I'm on official busin--what do you mean,
again? Help!" He attempted to lose himself in the crowd, and the excited Chomby
tromped after, throwing the dancers into disarray.
Leonard watched, uncomprehending, for a moment,
and then his eyes lit. "Hey... I've got a groovy idea. You guys just stay here
and hang loose a sec, all right?"
Stevo nodded bemusedly, and turned to watch
Leonard as he got to his feet and started heading towards the Grundo grunts.
Keri shook Quivel, and pointed at the chaos on the dance floor. "Hey, get a
shot of that..."
Leonard, meanwhile, casually tapped one of the
Grundos on the shoulder. "Uh... hey, man... I'm not the bouncer type... but
I think you guys should make those guys mellow out before they call the Chia
Police in here... I could watch the elevator for you, or something..."
The Grundos looked at each other, nodded, and
took out very large, nasty-looking Black Frost Cannons, tromping forwards to
attempt to contain the rampaging Chomby catastrophe. Leonard grinned for a moment,
and waved Stevo, Keri, and Quivel on over.
"Thanks, mate! You've been more than a help,"
Stevo said, hurrying over to poke the elevator call button.
"No problem, man. If you saw how horribly choreographed
the dance moves are down there, you'd want it to end, too. And people are being
conned into playing it for less than 20 NP a game. It's horrible!" Leonard murmured.
"Now go ahead, dudes, before those big and Grundy types come back..."
The elevator doors opened up, and Stevo, Keri,
and Quivel unceremoniously piled inside. "I hope Les is going to be all right
up there...," Stevo said with a frown.
"He'll be fine," Keri snapped, and Quivel chorused,
"He'll be fine!" The two looked at each other for a moment before Quivel remembered
his place and stepped back, focusing the camera on Stevo and Keri's faces.
Stevo realised he was back in the public eye,
and composed himself, speaking in a quiet, intense tone. "Here we are, in a
secret elevator, venturing to the unknown dark chambers of this malevolent organisation...
While Les is detaining the security upstairs, we are going to find the poor
persecuted Krawk who is trapped here, and release him from his mocking incarceration..."
Keri leaned in to add, "And despite the fact
that our ticket in here was a bird who felt the need for a Kyrii's hairpiece,
it seems to have worked. It sounds like we should be coming to a stop in a few..."
As if to mock Keri's statement, the elevator
doors hissed open, revealing a small, compact room. A lanky Techo in a lab coat
was busily writing in his notebook, and surveying the work of a rotund Chia.
The Chia, in turn, was seated in front of a set of four keys, and pressing them
in tune with a series of flashing arrows built into the control panel. Beyond
the panel, Stevo could clearly see a glass window, and on the other side, a
lone Krawk in the middle of it, gyrating and sliding clumsily, then rolling
with a crash into the wall. It was a heartbreaking sight.
The Techo turned for a moment. "Hey, there's
already a customer down-- who are you people?"
"Right, mate - we're the Krawk Krew, and we're
liberating this obviously handicapped Krawk from your little torment cage operation!"
Stevo boomed. Quivel hid behind his camera - for once, Stevo actually looked
riled, and its rarity made it more frightening than Keri's snarling expression
as she drew her beam.
"You can't just go breaking in here and wrecking
our operation!" the Techo snapped. Realising he was probably in trouble if he
stayed here, the Chia who had been at the controls hastily edged along the wall
and towards the elevator. The Techo quickly put a hand into his pocket, reaching
for a weapon of some sort.
"Save it for the courts, pal!" Keri snapped,
firing the beam. The Techo swiftly extracted the object from his pocket--a Shield
of Reflection--and bounced the beam back, where it proceeded to nicely crisp
Keri's ears a bit. "Yow! You little son of a Nimmo...," she snarled, a bit stunned.
The Techo turned to eye Stevo - and was surprised
to find him just standing still and smiling slightly. "What are you looking
at, you smarmy little..." Hastily, the Techo extracted his next weapon, a Bubble
Blaster, and took careful aim.
"Look down, mate," Stevo calmly replied. The
Techo, despite himself, did, and had time to take in the appearance of the strange
blue hairball on the ground before it erupted in a cloud of fur and smoke directly
in his face. Coughing and sputtering, the Techo stumbled backwards, and promptly
cracked his head against the control console, dropping his Blaster and slumping
to the floor in a stunned, unconscious heap.
Quivel blinked. "It's over?" He peered cautiously
through the camera sight... sure enough, the Techo was unconscious, and a confused
Krawk was staring at the glass window as if trying to figure out what exactly
was going on. Keri got to her feet, brushing herself off, and promptly headed
over to kick the unconscious Techo a few times.
Stevo carefully assessed the glass. "Now to
just open this up..." He carefully picked up the chair, and threw it as hard
as he could into the window. Fortunately, it shattered like good honest glass,
and the chair proceeded to bounce into the disco room, where the Krawk within
hastily backed away from the glass. "It's all right, mate - we're here to get
you out of here..." Stevo said carefully knocking the rest of the glass from
the window.
The Krawk slowly blinked. "Uhm... does this
mean I'm fired?"
"No, mate! I'm Stevo Furwin, and we're here
to rescue you from these maniacs!" Stevo grinned, eyeing his window work. "There.
You should be able to just climb on out now."
"Thanks... those guys were nuts! I mean, I like
dancing and all, but I was starting to get tired of the flashing lights..."
The Krawk carefully hauled himself out of the locked dance room, and edgily
peered down at the unconscious Techo.
Keri patted the Krawk in an almost consolatory
manner. "It's all right... you don't have to try to dance anymore. You can just
relax and stay off the floors - that Techo won't ever make you dance again."
"Er... but I like dancing. It's what I'm best
at... My name is Kreigal..." the Krawk said by way of introduction, blinking
confusedly.
"Best?!" Keri snapped, withdrawing her hand.
"That was the worst display of dancing I've ever seen! You should take up a
more sedate pastime... like knitting yarn."
Stevo patted Kreigal on the shoulder. "No worries,
mate... let's just get out of here, and we can work it all out at home. Everyone
in the elevator..."
The End
Author's Note: The parody in this story is intentional, and the characters
used in it reside on the account Krawk_Files.
As always, thank you for reading, and feel free to Neomail
me if you've got a question, comment, or are just feeling a bit riled! This episode
written with exclusive permission from Shidi.
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