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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 29th day of Running, Yr 26
The Neopian Times Week 66 > Short Stories > The Ixi of Doom Meets Dr. Sloth

The Ixi of Doom Meets Dr. Sloth

by battlesunn

Dr. Sloth furrowed his brow as he examined the flashing radar screen that displayed the position of star cruisers. Snorting contemptuously, Sloth called one of his many over, his arms folded tentatively over his chest. The minion, a silver Grundo, quavered slightly under Sloth's unfaltering glare. He gave a quick salute and stood, slightly shakily, to attention.

     "Y-yes, sir?"

     Sloth turned his back to the Grundo and looked out over the universe. "What's your name, grunt?"

     "Snerrgax, sire."

     "Tell me, Snerrgax, why is the empire falling apart? What have I done wrong? I have not imposed a sense of terror over all of Neopia?"

     Snerrgax's eyes roved up and down Sloth's frame, resting at the rooster crest sitting proudly atop Sloth's head. He gulped. "Well sire, you may want to think about having that chicken thing shaved off, or maybe you should go for one of those shiny, black helmets that alter your voice and make you constantly be sucking in air..."

     Sloth sighed and waved his arm. "Get out of here, you useless hunk of space slime."

     Snerrgax scurried off, glad to escape Sloth's presence. Sloth slumped down into his chair, glancing at the reflected images of his hard working minions in the shiny glass window. He had almost drifted off to sleep when he heard a sharp banging sound. He could hear footsteps and mulled voices, swirling in with the harsh metallic pangs of a sturdy fist pounding on his door. Groaning slightly, he stood up and strode over to the door, admitting his visitors. Sloth was so shocked that he almost jumped, but he composed himself.

     The Dark Faerie. The head Dark Faerie. Jhudora, along with three other uber Dark Faeries. Sloth bowed so low that his crest almost touched the ground, then, arising, he politely offered to take Jhudora's coat. She scowled at him before quickly answering no, saying that she would only be here for a minute. Sloth led them over to his den, nervously scanning their hardened expressions. Jhudora wasted no time in delivering the unsettling information.

     "Look Frank, I'll give it to you straight, no babyfooting around. You're fired. You've been determined unsuitable to direct the Meridell war."

     Sloth's jaw hung open. "Wh-- what? You can't do this to me! Why?"

     Jhudora sneered at him. "How many times have you messed up since you got here? I don't think you've ever done one thing right!"

     Sloth's lower lip trembled, and his eyes began to glisten. "But... but... you can't! Who else would fill the position?"

     The Dark Faeries all cackled insanely. "Are you joking? Every day we get at least 20 applicants for a new evil villain! And we've chosen one who we think will be much better suited for the job than you." Jhudora signaled to one of her assistants. "Bring Lord Mega-evil-destroyer in."

     The doors of Sloth's space station swung open, framing the new ruler with golden light. He put one foot forward, then another, and another... and finally, he came into full view. Sloth's eyes widened as he took in his predecessor.

     "You're replacing me... with an Ixi?" he cried.

     Jhudora grinned, "Yup! He says that he has big plans for the downfall of Neopia, something about a chocolate ice cream mine..."

     The Ixi chuckled as he clip clopped over to Sloth. He was halloween in color, short and strangely small for an Ixi. His face held a wicked grin. "I'm Zarrelian. My owner is battlesunn, but I like to think of her as my unknowing servant."

     Sloth was too shocked to speak.

     "Now," Zarrelian continued. "I could just keep you as my slave for all eternity, but I would rather have you kicked out and made to give live in Neopia on your own." The Ixi's eyes flashed. "Actually, now that I think about it, my family might miss me very much, and be very worried about me! SO why don't you, get a halloween Ixi costume, and pretend to be me." He sneered at Sloth. "I'm a very busy guy, so why don't you get going? Besides, my owner is pretty strict about being late for dinner, so you'd better get going."

     Zarrelian pulled a lever to his right and the floor beneath Sloth's feet disappeared! He plunged down through the stars and the clouds, and landed right into the Rainbow pool, sending a tidal wave of water splashing up the sides. When he managed to scramble out of the multicolored water, Sloth found himself wearing a halloween Ixi suit, complete with a purple collar. Must've been the Dark Faerie's magic, he mused. Suddenly, he heard a piercing call cutting through the air like a knife.

     "ZARRELIAN! Where are you? Battlesunn made asparagus casserole for dinner tonight..."

     Oh no! Sloth thought. He had forgotten about Zarrelian's declaration, that he would have to live with that blasted Ixi's family for the rest of his life! A fuming shadowed gelert came bursting through a patch of bushes and galloped up to Sloth. She growled angrily.

     "Zarrel! You're late for dinner again! I'm so sick of having to go look for you every time you pull this stunt!" The gelert grabbed Sloth by his arm and began marching towards a modest looking neohome. A human, (the owner, Sloth supposed,) --appeared in the doorway and began reprimanding Sloth sharply.

     "Zarrelian Longfellow Battlesunn! What have I told you about running off around dinnertime?" She turned to the gelert and nodded. "Thanks, Shelly. Don't worry, I'll send Ezanna after him next time."

     "Good," Shelly growled, scowling at Sloth.

     Sloth was mystified. They actually thought he was Zarrelian!

     Gosh, he thought. They must really not like him that much... But then again, Sloth hadn't exactly had very good first impressions of the Ixi himself. Zarrelian was excruciatingly annoying. Dinner passed uneventfully, and Sloth got to meet the other two members of the battlesunn family. There was Ezanna, the blue Krawk, and Mordegan the green lupe. Sloth took an immediate dislike to the both of them. He despised Mordegan because he wasn't serious enough, and he really despised Ezanna because he was too serious. Sloth wasn't all that fond of battlesunn or Shelleylou, either, as the latter stared angrily at him throughout the entire meal. Sloth tried not to say too much, he was scared of being found out. For some reason, he wasn't very popular on Neopia, and he had a feeling that if they discovered his true identity, that they would do something nasty to him. Ezanna dominated most of the conversation, bragging about how he stared 00Hog down at the Cheat! tables. Ezanna had an annoying, superior kind of air about him, one which preyed on Sloth's thin patience. Finally, he could stand it no longer. He stood up and threw his limp asparagus stalk right in Ezanna's boasting mouth. The Krawk took the asparagus in the throat, and he began hacking and coughing up a storm. Mordegan and battlesunn were horrified, but Sloth could see Shelly sniggering under her breath. She must not like that Krawk either... Sloth thought.

     After she had seen to Ezanna, battlesunn turned on Sloth. He eyes blazed angrily and teeth ground together as foam began gathering at the corners of her mouth.

     "Zarrel! I'm very disappointed in you! This is exactly what you did yesterday! I thought you had learned your lesson!"

     It was all Sloth could take to not start laughing out loud. Zarrelian had committed the same heinous crime a day before! Apparently they had more in common than Sloth had first thought. Sloth received the rest of battlesunn's row, though the last few sentences sounded like "Blah blah blah..." To him. After that, he slunk off to his bedroom to take a well deserved rest. Sloth had thought that conquering Neopia was hard, but life in a family seemed even tougher!

***

Zarrelian was enjoying his time immensely. So far, his work quota was at a steady zero, but there would be plenty of time for toil after he relaxed a little. Calling over a Grundo minion, Zarrelian snuggled deeper into Sloth's massive armchair. He turned lazily to the Grundo.

     "Bring me a glass of lemonade, would you?"

     The Grundo nudged his companion and lapsed into classic Grundo tongue.

     "yrros ris, ew t'nod evah edanomel."

     Zarrelian struggled into an upright posistion. "What?"

     The Grundo sniggered.

     "Ew t'nod evah ti. Ew dluoc teg ouy emos neerg aet, hguoht."

     The Ixi raised a brow. "Ri-----ght. Okay, I'm going to go into the kitchen myself, then."

     After he had gone, the two Grundos doubled over laughing.

***

Sloth was hiding. Hiding from... them. All of them, Shelleylou, Ezanna, Mordegan and battlesunn. But especially Shelleylou. He had destroyed her prized punchbag bob trophy. Like it was his fault, what kind of a weirdo would keep a beat up old punchbag in the house as a decoration, anyway? It was quite natural that he would assume that it's use was for punching. He had punched it pretty darn hard. He had a lot of aggressions to work out. Shelleylou really hadn't taken kindly to her precious trophy's head blown off. Sloth shuddered as he heard Shelly's snarling voice and stomping paws.

     "I don't believe him! It took me a whole hour to get that trophy! I swear by the rainbow fountain, when I find him, he's a doomed Ixi."

     He also heard Mordegan, who seemed to be trying to calm the raging gelert.

     "Calm down, Shelly! I'm sure it was an accident!"

     "Accident?!" Shelly roared. "He bit the head off the thing! Don't you tell me it was an accident!"

     Sloth was hiding in a dusty closet, and unfortunately, the dust was wreaking havoc on his allergies. He sniffled, trying to silence his itching nose. Finally, he could contain it no longer. His face exploded in a huge, "Achoo!"

     Outside, Shelly whirled around, her eyes flashing and her fangs gleaming. "I heard him! Alright Zarrel, you're coming out of there right NOW!"

     Sloth shuddered and tried curling himself into an invisible ball as Shelly bounded in, grabbed him by his collar, heaved him out into the hallway and stood, glaring, over him. Mordegan and Ezanna hung back, clearly terrified of what their enraged sister would do.

     "ZARREL!" She howled, her claws kneading the carpet. "Why did you feel the need to rip the head off my punchbag Bob plushie? Why? Do you have any idea how long I spent... Earning... it..." Shelly's shoulders heaved and she crumpled to the floor, sniffling and crying softly. Even though they sometimes had rough spots, Ezanna had always been closer to Shelleylou than Mordegan or Zarrelian. He stepped up to her and put his claws on the shadowed gelert's shoulders, growling at Sloth.

     "Now look what you've done, Zarrel!" The Krawk spat. "You've gone and made her cry! What did she ever do to you?"

     Even the good willed Mordegan's face was clouded over with anger towards Sloth. Mordegan rarely, if ever, got very mad at someone. Sloth sighed sadly and tromped off in the direction of his room, his back pelted by battlesunn's parting words. "You're grounded, Zarrelian. You can come out for dinnertime, but that's it."

     Sloth sat down on the edge of his bed, and stared glumly at a family photo sitting atop the Ixi's bed stand. He still couldn't believe that they actually thought that he was Zarrelian, with or without the aide of Dark Faerie magic. Maybe, Sloth thought, they just don't pay enough attention to him to really bother about his personality or anything... Sloth glanced at the clock placed next to the photograph. Only four more hours until dinnertime...

***

Zarrelian slouched over in Sloth's massive armchair. He was just about ready to go crazy with boredom, there was absolutely nothing to do here! And the Grundos... Zarrelian gulped nervously and looked around the room. The Grundos were everywhere! He hadn't noticed it before, but he had an irrational fear of Grundos. Maybe it was because they all stared at him, all day long, and whenever he asked them for something, they just responded in that weird language and then snickered hysterically. Zarrelian sniffled, he tiny bat wings flapping every now and then. The silence seemed to hang in the air like a heavy fog until the piercing clamor of a fist being pounded on the heavy, iron station doors cut through it like a knife. Zarrelian jumped almost five feet in the air as Jhudora and her Dark Faerie guards entered the space station. Jhudora wasn't exactly smiling as she strode swiftly over to the halloween Ixi and shoved a recent copy of the Neopian Times into his hooves.

     "Look at this!" she hissed. Zarrel's eyes widened as he read the article out loud.

     "Neopia is happier than they ever have been, because there have been no wrong doings, mis doings, evil doings or bad doings of any kind for almost a whole week! Never have Neopia's citizens been so... happy!"

     Jhudora's eyes narrowed as she crumpled up the paper in her hands. "You haven't done SQUAT Ixi! You're even worse than that bumbling idiot Sloth! I'm putting you out of office, and Sloth back in!"

     Zarrelian's jaw dropped open, before curving up into huge smile. He threw his paws around Jhudora's waist and hugged her tightly. "Thank you! Thank you! I can't wait to get bck home! Thank you!" Jhudora rolled her eyes.

     "Whatever."

     With one casual wave of her finger, Sloth had reemerged in his favorite armchair in a puff of green smoke. He looked around and smiled, settling back into the comfortable cushions he called to one of Grundos, "Ylime! Grab me a glass of lemonade, would you?"

***

Back in Neopia, Zarrelian appeared in his bedroom in a puff of red smoke. The Ixi grinned as he galloped around his room, hugging all of his old, familiar things. Suddenly, the door opened and Ezanna came in, claws on hips.

     "Hey Zarrel, you come down to dinner now..." The Krawk's eyes widened. "Hey Zarrelian, Halloween was LAST week--Why are you wearing a Dr. Sloth costume?"

The End

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