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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 20th day of Swimming, Yr 27
The Neopian Times Week 61 > Continuing Series > Monty Peophin and the Holy Censer: Part Four

Monty Peophin and the Holy Censer: Part Four

by wizardofaus

The Isle of Krawk
    
After a long journey, the Knights of Omelot finally found that, indeed, the southern path ended at a small ferry bridge, where a boat with a crudely painted logo, "Krawk Ferry", was clearly visible floating in the water. A somewhat ugly, scaly Neopet dressed in a heavy robe sat at the end of the ferry, holding the long pole meant to push the boat across the waters.

     Monty approached the docks with a smile. This was all working perfectly. He guided Unbaut up to the ferry, and was about to board, when the ferryman drew the pole out, and leveled it at Monty's throat. "Ssstop..." the reptilian hissed. "Whosssoever ridesss the Krawk Ferry mussst pay in advance... and face the tessst."

     Maciste murmured, from the back, "You have to be kidding me." She stepped up to the front. "What is the test, ferryman?"

     The ferryman's eyes seemed to glimmer from under his hood. "A sssimple quessstion..."

Maciste folded her arms. "Ask it, then, ferryman - I am not afraid."

     The ferryman gave a menacing stare, and stated his question. "What isss your colour?"

     "Blue," Maciste answered, raising an eyebrow.

     With a wave of his staff, the ferryman side-stepped so Maciste could board. "Right, then... you may board. That will be fifty Neopoints, please."

     "Hmmm... thank you. Thank you very much..." Maciste bowed slightly, and climbed carefully aboard the ferry, taking two 25-NP coins from her pouch to pay up for it..

     The knights blinked and looked at each other. Finally, Sir Rasher spoke up. "That's simple!" Standing straight and tall, he proudly strode towards the ferryman, his petpet retinue following closely and humming to themselves.

     The gaze of the ferryman flicked to Rasher, and his staff did likewise, coming to a halt two inches in front of his nose. Rasher just grinned fearlessly, showing off his teeth and flicking his tail lightly. With a click of his teeth, the ferryman repeated, "Whosssoever ridesss the Krawk Ferry mussst pay in advance - and face the tessst."

     Sir Rasher looked undaunted, as he boldly stated, "Ask me the question, ferryman - I'm not afraid."

     "What... isss the name of the Healing Faerie in Faerieland?" the ferryman asked, with a slight sneer.

     Sir Rasher opened his mouth to reply - then blinked. "What? I don't know that!"

     The ferryman's staff abruptly seemed to flash with bright light - and Sir Rasher let out a terrified scream. When the others could see again, they spotted Rasher, and his petpets, soaring upwards into the sky, and flying out of sight. With a grin, the ferryman extinguished the light, and chuckled darkly.

     Eda blinked. "Wow... um... Maybe you should go next, Sir Nimmel." Nimmel nodded, and stepped forward, blinking warily.

     The ferryman, still chuckling, turned his attentions on Nimmel. "Whosssoever ridesss the Krawk Ferry mussst pay in advance, and face the tessst."

     Nimmel took a deep breath. "All right, ferryman - ask me the question. I am not afraid."

     "What... is your favourite colour?" the ferryman asked, smiling evilly.

     Nimmel blinked - then grinned. "Blue." After a moment's thought, he realised that Maciste's answer would not suffice here, and quickly stammered, "No, white!" Unfortunately, it was already too late, as the staff crackled with light, and Nimmel was sent flying upwards and far out of sight with a howl of terror. The ferryman chuckled, and readied it again as the light dimmed away.

     Eda paced around at the back of the line. "This is just a bit much to as-" Unfortunately, she never got to finish the sentence, as a large brown tail snaked out abruptly from the treeline, wrapped itself around Eda's head, and yanked her back into the forests before she could do much more than yelp. Neither Monty or Wellington noticed, too absorbed in how to handle this particular problem.

     Finally, Monty himself stepped forward, adjusting the horn on his crown a moment. The ferryman whipped his staff to stop in front of Monty's nose again, intoning, "Whosssoever ridesss the Krawk Ferry mussst pay in advance, and face the tessst."

     Monty looked the ferryman in the eye. "Ask your question, ferryman, I'm not afraid."

     The ferryman sneered, obviously planning on asking something truly wicked. "What... isss the colour of an Aisha'sss eyesss?"

     Monty winced. "What do you mean - a Red Aisha, or a Green Aisha?"

     The ferryman lowered his staff. "Er... I don't know..." His eyes widened, and the staff abruptly flashed, sending him, the boat, and Maciste rocketing into the skies, yelling in shocked surprise.

     The two of them watched the boat rise upwards out of sight, and Wellington turned to look at Monty. "Well, now how will we get to the island? There's no boat."

     Monty considered... then brightened as if his golden skin had just been polished. "We walk. If a ferryman can use a short pole to push a ferry through the waters, it can't be that deep. Say, where's Lady Eda?"

     After a five-minute search confirmed that Lady Eda was no longer in the area, Monty and Wellington put on a pair of Wellington's special-made boots, and started the long walk across the waters to the Isle of Krawk. Although it was a wet and weary trudge, the waters indeed were only a few feet deep. "I wonder why nobody thought to just walk across in the first place," Wellington commented, as they trudged up onto the island's shores.

     Monty, however, was intent on something in the distance. Rising gracefully from the sands, a single tall tower surrounded by a thick outer castle wall, and topped with a star-speckled wizard's cap was clearly outlined against the sky. "Is that... that must be the Castle of the Wizards of Jub! Our quest is nearly at an end..."

     Wellington murmured, "Thank goodness - I think there's a bug in my boot." Without much respect, he paused to remove his boots, and empty the water and stray wildlife of the crossing area from each.

     Monty, on the other hand, urged Unbaut onward - with his goal so close in sight, he was in a hurry to get the Holy Censer and return it in all its glory to the Faerie Queen. He was so happy and excited, that he didn't realise that anything might be the matter. This ended abruptly when a very rotten tomato hit him straight in the face, knocking him off his Whinny and causing him to crash heavily to the ground.

     From atop the castle wall, a lone Jubjub, wearing a conical wizard hat, jeered openly. "Ah, it's you again! I told you once, and I will tell you again, the Shop Wizards will not interfere in matters of quests! So, you managed to avoid being frozen by the representatives of Neopian decency last time - but if you think you were lucky last time, you will need far more than luck here, you silly little mundane pests!"

     Monty looked irate. "Oh, that does it... Wizards of Jub, if you will not give the Holy Censer to us, we shall take your castle by force! Stand by to attack!" He drew his sword, and stood up straight on his fin, looking his most menacing.

     The Jubjub simply snickered, and whistled; moments later, dozens of Jubjub faces were peering over the parapets, and volleys of rotten tomatoes followed shortly after. Wellington hid behind his shield, while Monty hid behind Unbaut, waiting for the shower of tomatoes to end. When at last the Jubjubs had thrown their last bit of produce, Monty rose from his hiding place, and with his sword held high, shouted, "Charge!"

     Monty and Wellington charged at the castle, fully intent on charging up the walls and seizing it from the Jubjubs. After some excited pointing, the Jubjubs quickly ducked behind their parapets... and just as Monty was about to reach the castle, a Chia Police Car roared into view, braking directly in front of the two confused knights. A familiar voice called, "They're the ones, I'm sure..." and Monty glanced that way, getting a brief glimpse of Maggie, the Brown Meerca, and the flash of her "Censor" badge as she emerged from the car. However, it was too late to do much about it, as though Monty and Wellington objected strongly, the small squad of Chia Police that emerged from the car quickly surrounded them, seizing their weapons, and placing them under arrest.

     The last words Monty heard before the door shut, and he was sent speeding away, were: "Monty Peophin, you are hereby charged with slander against the Faerie Queen; use of offensive words (including 'as', 'a bit', and 'pass') in public and private places and while conversing with a representative of the Neopets staff; and inciting other groups to use offensive language. As such your account has been suspended until further notice, and you will have to accompany us down to the station."

     Epilogue: The story of "Monty Peophin and the Holy Censer" was not discovered until three years later, when the Crown of the Uni was unearthed in Tyrammet, with the single word 'Omelot' inscribed on the inside edge. After the crown was presented to an eminent Wocky scientist temporarily staying in the area, his research into the Crown's past unveiled this strange legend. Some say that this is why the natives of Tyrammet named their most prized possession after this legendary lost kingdom... Even today, every time they eat an omelette, they think briefly upon the sad fate of the Knights of Omelot... or simply about their supper.

The End


Disclaimer: This series is indeed a parody of Neopian history, customs, and certain elements of British humour. Complaints, comments, criticisms, and flowers may be sent to WizardofAus. Wocky Hair Grenades can be sent to a Wocky who needs them.
Previous Episodes

Monty Peophin and the Holy Censer: Part One

Monty Peophin and the Holy Censer: Part Two

Monty Peophin and the Holy Censer: Part Three

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