SLOTH WAS IN a great state of agitation. He paced his private chambers, pondering
over a new scheme to rule Neopia. Dejectedly, he flopped down on his worn green
armchair, who's colour perfectly matched Sloth's acid green skin. He wasn't
feeling all that well, ever since his ruined "holiday" Sloth had been slightly
under the weather. Clamping his eyes shut, Sloth feverishly massaged his temples,
trying again and again to cook up another plot.
"I shouldn't have gone to the beach... the sun
must have had some sort of affect on me..." Sloth sighed.
"Hmm... perhaps I need new officers, since my
so-called loyal commander decided to stay on that horrible isle..."
Sloth shot out the foot stool function on his
chair, and reclined deep into the cushy chair. Picking up a remote control in
one hand, and a Neocola in the other, Sloth switched on his television and dully
watched a boring Neopian family sitcom. The laugh track was just bubbling up
over the young, sitcom Usul's cheesy remark when Sloth heard a faint knock on
his door. Sloth clicked a button on his remote and the television instantly
went blank.
"Come in," he grunted.
One of the Grundo generals, a spotted female
called Silmie, sauntered in, followed by two official looking pets, a Tonu and
a Lenny. Both were wearing classy business suits and holding briefcases. Silmie
grinned up at Sloth, looking very pleased with herself.
"My gosh," she gushed. "I have found an excellent
way for you to take over Neopia, it's so simple, yet so brilliant. These pets
can help you, as well."
Sloth was intrigued. He had tried so many things,
could there really be a simple, quick fix that he had missed before? His headache
forgotten, Sloth stood up and looked eagerly at Silmie and the two pets. "What
is it? An invasion? A plague? Or are we going to shut down every computer in
Neopia and render the NeoPets ownerless?"
Silmie shook her head. "No, no. This idea is
much better. You see, all you have to do to rule Neopia is to run for Ultimate,
supreme, unquestioned ruler of Neopia!"
Sloth was amazed. "They have that?"
"Yes, my lord. And I personally hired these
guys to help you, uh... 'improve your public image.'"
Sloth raised an eyebrow questioningly. "What
do you mean?"
The Lenny stepped forward. "Well, you see sir,
most Neopian of today see you as an evil, scheming, vile, cynical, bitter, ugly
old villain!"
Sloth seemed hurt. "Hey, I resent that old and
ugly remark!" "Anyway," the Tonu put in. "what we're here to do is to turn this
Dr. Sloth," (He held up the gallery of evil picture of Sloth) "Into this Dr.
Sloth!" The Tonu held up a cheerful picture of Dr. Sloth, wearing a loud checked
tunic and cuddling a pink Puppyblew.
Sloth growled low in his throat. "In that other
picture, why an I cuddling a Puppyblew? I hate Puppyblews! If there's one thing
I'm afraid of, it's those sickeningly cute Petpet! Rrr... I hate that gallery
of evil picture, my suit doesn't diminish like that!"
The Lenny sighed. "It's a cruel world. But we
can still make you loved by all, just like the current Ultimate, supreme, unquestioned
ruler of Neopia, the kindly old cloud Gelert named Quink."
"And how can we do that?" Sloth asked.
The two pets smiled, and said in unison, "With
the magic of false advertising!"
***
It was six o'clock, NST, and any pets watching the international Gormball
championships, would soon be treated to Sloth's vote advertisement. Larry the
starry Lupe and his sister, Lisa the fire Acara, were watching a Cheesy Neos
commercial when suddenly, the cheerful music and bright colours of the commercial
disappeared and were replaced with the face of Dr. Sloth.
"Ack! Larry, what's Sloth doing on TV? He's interrupting
my favourite part of the Cheesy Neos jingle!"
"Hush, Lisa. Maybe it's some new diabolical plot
to take over Neopia!"
The television Sloth smiled and began his incredibly
fake speech.
"Oh, hello my friends. I'm sorry to interrupt
your regular programming, but I have a very important announcement to make.
You see, I'm regarded as one of Neopia's most hated citizens, and quite personally,
I think that that's a little unfair. A lot of people don't understand my true
motives of this 'trying to take over the world business.' I'm actually on your
side, I'm just trying to make Neopia a better place for all of us to live in.
Only, none of you people ever give me a chance. I don't why, maybe it's because
of this weird thing I have on my head, or the fact that I merely tried to um...
save the Grundo's from an uh... asteroid that was headed their way by 'enslaving'
them, or maybe it's just the fact that I look evil. First impressions are not
always correct, I'm just trying to make my way in the world, maybe making a
lot of other lives better along the way. But you never give me the chance, so
in this case, who's the real villain, me or you? Thank you, and goodnight."
Following the speech was about five seconds of a flashing 'vote for Sloth' sign,
and then the programming returned to the Gormball match. Larry and Lisa both
had tears in their eyes, as did many other Neopians around the world.
"*Sob* poor Sloth, he's right! We never DID
give him a chance!"
"Yeah, it's not his fault that he has that weird,
rooster thing on his head."
All over Neopia, pets and their owners alike
were booking their time in the voting booths, all with one single motive. To
vote for Sloth, the poor, misunderstood Neopian.
***
"Well Dr. Sloth, you certainly put up a good
speech!" said the Lenny.
"Yeah, a real tearjerker!" Mumbled the Tonu,
his mouth full of crown roast beef.
Sloth grinned evilly. "Soon the office will
be mine!"
"Yeah, but just don't mess up on your final
speech just before the voting, that could mess everything up!" Warned the Lenny,
wagging his fork in Sloth's direction.
"Don't worry, I've got it all planned out. By
the way, how much is it costing me for you guys?"
The Tonu smirked. "About 500,000 Neopoints."
"WHAT?!!! THAT'S HIGHWAY ROBBERY!"
"It won't matter once you're Ultimate, supreme,
unquestioned ruler of Neopia, then you can issue unquestioned taxes."
"Yeah I suppose so... Anyway, I'm going to bed.
See you tomorrow." Sloth finished off his ice burg sundae, and headed off towards
his room. The Lenny glanced at the Tonu. "Do you think he'll make it?"
The Tonu shrugged. "Who knows, who cares. We
got our payment in advance!"
***
It was the day of the election. Thousands of pets had come to vote. Sloth
straightened his bright red tie and rubbed his teeth to cover the yellow. Smirking
at his mirror, he practised grasping at his suit collar and posing for the cameras.
He had slicked back the "thing" on his head, but it had popped back up anyway.
He was as ready as he would ever be, confidently, he strode up to the podium
and faced his supporters. "Citizens of Neopia," he began. "I come before you
today to ask for your vote. As you know, I am filled with the best interests
of Users like I you. I uh..." He blanked out, and searched his mind for a closing
line. "Uh... Peace!" He fled down to the stands to a standing ovation. Quink
pranced up to the podium and cleared his throat.
"I have always been a good leader, I ask you
to vote for what you believe in, and not just because of shallow promises. Thank
you." He nodded and left. Lenny and Tonu nudged each other, surely their client
would win now! Well, he probably would have, had it not been for the baby Bruce
that waddled up to Sloth and held out his pet Puppyblew
"Swothy pet. Swothy pet nice PwuppyBwew." Sloth,
in a moment of utter terror, screamed loudly and flung the Petpet away, where
it unfortunately landed in the open mouth of a Grarrl.... a gasp of shock arose
form the audience, people were whispering and pointing fingers at Sloth. Sloth
gulped as the baby Peophin began to howl over the loss of his Petpet. People
began to hiss and boo at Sloth, who was looking quite downtrodden. The voting
booths opened, and Quink won, hands down.
Sloth didn't receive a single vote. He retreated
swiftly back to his star ship, and back into his private chambers, where he
began pacing his room once again, cooking up a new scheme.
The End
Author's note: No Petpets were harmed in the making of this story, in fact
the Grarrl spit out the little Puppyblew, who was just fine. Please don't get
mad at me, Puppyblew lovers! | 
