Hey hey, Neopians! It's me again, your ever witty (?) imaginative, funny (!),
amusing (?!), avid reader and writer of The Neopian Times... Snowy! If you're
reading this one, you may have read my three other articles... That
Confusing Yellow Bar-thingy, Do
I Have My Priorities Straight?, and Do
I Have My Priorities Jumbled? This, again, is another article, funny
(?), and utterly Snowy-style. But first, answer the questions below...
Does having fun mean nothing unless you get into trouble for it? Are you an
attention seeker? Do you like watching a zillion people tumble over like dominoes
in the checkout line, leaving you standing and able to be served first?
If you do like all these things, and want some excitement to happen in Neopia,
I suggest visiting the various museums/galleries Neopia has to offer... galleries
and museums other Neopians own... like neopiamuseum, for instance...
Sound boring? Sure, staring at old, moldy pink doughnuts are boring. But not
if you cause utter mayhem and complete chaos in the Pink Doughnut Museum...
Below, I have designed small scheme layout that you may use in any store in
the whole of Neopia. Guaranteed to work, this will keep you busy for all your
Neopian days! After all, you aren't going to stop after only one store, are
you? If you've done every shop in Neopia... and this I find hard to believe,
have fun breaking out of every single prison and jail and mental institution
the Chia Police decide to put you in, and redo it all over again! Besides, if
this is published, I've got another one written, which, I promise, will give
even better, bigger results....
In a Museum/Gallery
1. Pretend to be one of the official guides and demand everyone pay
100,000 NP each for a guided tour of the attic. If anyone asks for a different
tour, of the first floor, for example, tell him or her that the museum is closed.
Watch as everyone leaves, and quickly nip out the window.
2. Bring all your best friends with their scooters and zoom around the
priceless Crystal section of the museum. Make sure to break everything. Wait
until an enraged guard comes to tell you that you must pay for all the broken
goods. Assure him that you will pay. Guaranteed, he will look amazed. Give him
a small piece of paper which you had prepared earlier, with the letters 'I .
O . U' written on it. When asked angrily what the meaning of this is, act surprised,
flip him a one Neopoint coin and say:
"Oh, sorry! I forgot! Here... there's the tip. Wow, people are greedy these
days. They aren't satisfied with a good ol' IOU... "
3. Break all the glass cases holding precious items and set the alarm
off. Turn the lights out, and take the handy window escape. Watch through the
window as guards stumble over each other and break more glass cases...
4. Visit the PetPet section with a bunch of carrots from the Agricultural/Vegetables
& Fruits section of the gallery/museum. Feed the carrots to the Floud, and watch
it do things it will never have done before. Cover the cage with a beautiful
black velvet cloth decorated with shiny silver stars. Stand on a stool (or something
nice and high so everyone in the museum can see and hear you) and shout at the
top of your voice:
"Come and see the amaaaazing Floud! It sings! It dances! It... (insert your
own incredible talent here)"
Watch as swarms of people come... they may be angry, or curious. For the curious
people, demand 500 NP to see the Floud. For the angry people, bop them on the
head with the remaining carrots, and hightail it outta there!
5. Get a Tent from the Magic section, and camp in the great indoors
of the Garden section. Tell people they can only come inside and play if they
bring some pillows from the Furniture section.
6. Hold a sword fight with moldy Baguettes from the Bakery zone of the
large gallery. Threaten complete strangers to duels because they ate asparagus.
If they deny it, say they are lying and bop them on the head.
7. Attach keys to the keyrings, with weird labels like 'Key to Success'
and 'Key to Complete and Utter Happiness. First Door to your Right. Your OTHER
right.'
8. This is good with the Garden Gnomes. Smuggle a few out the window,
and take them home for a while. Stick them your sandbox with a few towels, a
lamp, and a puddle. Sand plus towels plus lamp plus puddle = Makeshift Mini
Gnome Beach Resort! Palm trees are optional. Cute little Usukis in grass skirts
are optional, too. After a few days, maybe three or so, write a few notes in
messy handwriting:
"To (OWNER OF MUSEUM/GALLERY HERE),
I've had the greatest time at Makeshift Mini Gnome Beach Resort! It was
great being able to have a break. Do you know, (OWNER OF MUSEUM), that being
stared at is really freaky? And we Gnomes deserve respect. Our little glass
boxes have no oxygen holes... we may suffocate! A friend of mine from another
museum like this died a few years ago from lack of air. Make sure you don't
make the same mistake, okay?
I bet you're jealous!
(MAKE UP A NAME FOR GNOME)
Tape the note to the Gnome's hat, hand, anywhere where the note will be visible.
Return the Gnome, but don't forget to give it a little souvenir! Maybe a little
grass skirt?
9. Give people free manicures and makeovers in the Make-up section.
Put hideous colour combinations... like bright red cheeks, purple eyeshadow,
tie-die lipstick and blue nail varnish. Apply the make-up nice and thick, and
make sure that the victim... ahem... customer looks like a clown.
10. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, drop to your knees,
shake your head and moan:
"Noooooooooooo! Not those voices again! Leave me aloooooone... alone, I tell
you! Go awaaaaaaay!"
This is bound to freak everyone out. Really. And it's fun :)
11. Come up to a complete and utter stranger, clap him or her on the
back, and pretend that he or she is your long lost second cousin of your aunt's
third cousin's daughter! The stranger may play along to avoid embarrassment,
or totally deny everything you've said. If he/she plays along, hug your new
relative and talk to him/her... no, prattle, not talk, and take him/her to the
Coffee Shop... and just generally get carried away. If the stranger says he/she's
never seen you before in his/her life, break down crying and make him/her feel
guilty. This process is known as the Classic Guilt Trip.
12. Dart suspiciously around, humming the theme of Mission Impossible.
Pounce on a likely, innocent victim and shoot a few zillion questions at him
or her. Nod at each answer, and at the end, proclaim that he/she is the lost
Crown Prince/Princess of Maraqua. The 'Prince/Princess' does not have to be
a water pet... for fun, get a Grarrl/Skeith for this... be careful, though!
So, print this out, try it at every museum in Neopia. If you're too *cough*chicken*cough*
to try this, print it out and give it to a wild and wacky friend of yours, and
enjoy watching! This is a great school holiday (or vacation, if you're American,
I'm Australian) pastime, guaranteed to give hours and hours of fun! *cheesy
grin* This is Snowy, signing off, running to the Neopian Museum (neopiamuseum's
shop) to cause utter mayhem. Anyone care to join?
Disclaimer: Disclaimers are awful. But this one isn't. Because... yeah.
I hate talking myself into corners. Anyway. This is not really possible to do,
considering NeoPets is a Web site and all the items are GIF images, so don't
bother. Okay?
Second disclaimer because I forgot to add something to my First Disclaimer:
To neopiamuseum, I am not picking on you. No, really, honest. And besides, I
like your gallery. Why not make it famous? It's called a publicity stunt...
SUPER Disclaimer, coming to save the day from ALL Disclaimers: If you get
sick, get frozen, get zapped, and/or get deleted it is not my fault. Nuh-uh!
These are ideas. If you do it, sure. Have fun. I sure did :) But if something
goes wrong, it's not my fault... And NeoPets is not a Web site! It's the real
world. So there!
Warranty: This checklist has a warranty of three seconds after you read this.
ONE... TWO... THREE! Sorry, your warranty is over. I don't care if you have a
receipt, darnit! Receipts, schmeets. Piffle. (Quote Al. Thanks, buddy. Ever since
I've read your stories, I've been using this expression. My friends say I'm weird
for using it. All I can say to that is "Piffle!")
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