|
ROXY’S DESK- When my best friend, Kyo264 approached me to go mini golfing in Tyrannia;
I agreed. I had never set forth on the clay course and I figured it was worth
a try. Oh boy was I wrong! I shall never go golfing again. First of all, golf
is one messed up sport. When it’s cool to dress bad and clash, you know it’s not
meant for me. Take a look at one of the game’s stars, Hard Hitter, if you want
to see one horrible fashion statement. I am sorry but no sport could make think
that together blue, orange and green will ever look serene. Besides, I like to
be coordinated and I am not going to wear a dung vest to match my ball. Sorry,
matterbug_adoption, it just won’t happen! Then, you spend like three hours whacking
and chasing a puny ball up a tiny hill which you could just toss the ball up anyways.
It is just ridiculous. The course is a million degrees hot because you’re directly
under the sun and you get stand next to oozing volcanoes and boiling lava traps
while you wait your turn. There are occasional fans on the course but to cool
down your golf ball. When was the last time you saw a sweaty golf ball? The sport
of golf wasn’t meant for me. So, if you want to hike up your plaid pants with
the hideous unmatching sweaters and yell, “Fore!” That is perfectly fine with
me, but golf is one thing that wasn’t meant for me. I bet Slothy likes to play
golf…
Dear Roxy:
My pets have become vegetarians. At special times of year, we usually have
meat-type treats. For example, they’d eat turkey on Christmas. Now, I’m not
sure what I'll do when it comes to these times of year. Any ideas?
-Vexed Vegetarian
Dear Vexed Vegetarian:
There are hundreds of meat free and already made alternatives at the Healthy
Food Shop. You have soup, fondue, cakes, pies, kebabs, deluxe salads, and tons
of veggie burgers. If you can’t find anything at the Healthy Food store, you
buy some ingredients and make your own special dish for the holidays. I am sure
you’ll be able to whip up something with a little creativity.
-Roxy
Dear Roxy:
I’m a Kougra and I don’t exactly like my new look. I'm really ashamed of it!
I'm afraid to step out of the house. What should I do?
-Suffering From NewLookoPhobia
Dear Suffering From NewLookoPhobia:
It seems your aren’t the only Kougra that feels that way. There is a possibility
that the new Kougra could be redone again. If you feel strongly about the Kougra
makeover, then, voice your opinion on polls on the main page of Neopets. There
is a chance that the Kougra could be redone again and you’ll problems will be
solved without my help. If the makeover doesn’t happen, write me again and I’ll
gladly offer you advice on how to learn to love your new look. For my first
tip, just be glad you don’t look like Dr. Frank Sloth.
-Roxy
Dear Roxy:
My Kougra’s Angelpuss is mean to my Peophin's Mallard. It hisses at strangers
and I am forced to keep a 'Beware of Angelpuss' sign outside my home, which
is really embarrassing! My Kougra loves the Angelpuss, so I can't get rid of
it. What am I going to do?
-Stuck With A Hisser
Dear Stuck With A Hisser:
Honey, have you heard about my Angelpuss? Troxy is a definite pain. We had
to post ‘Beware of Angelpuss’ signs all over the neighborhood, thanks to my
lovely pet. In addition, I bet you don’t have the Defenders of Neopia trailing
your petpet, every time she leaves the house. Yeah, Troxy has gotten that bad.
The Defenders told me that they think Troxy is mixed up in a plot for world
domination. You just better be happy that your Angelpuss is just a little bitter
rather than an evil mastermind that likes to mess up your articles and embarrass
you in front of entire literate world of Neopia. Your Angelpuss sounds like
a holiday on Mystery Island compared to my demon. Want to trade Angelpi?
-Roxy
Dear Roxy:
I was wondering if I could challenge you to a Battledome match, would you accept?
-Franz
Dear Franz:
I regret to inform you, I wouldn’t accept. I do enjoy Battledome matches but
my schedule is just way too packed to fight in them. I am juggling a lot of
things: friends, my job at the Times, the Fashion Club, and my family. Sorry,
but there just isn’t enough hours in the day.
-Roxy
Dear Roxy:
Why do fools fall in love?
-Some Enchanted Writer
Dear Some Enchanted Writer:
Why not have fools fall in love? They fall for everything else.
-Roxy
Dear Roxy:
I really want to be painted Grey or Pirate but my owner is too lazy to play
games. Is there any way you could help me convince her to play games?
-Need the Neopoints
Dear Need the Neopoints:
Well, the paintbrush is for you, not your owner. So, you might want to get
off your own lazy bum and start making some NP. You could play games yourself
or become the shopkeeper of a store. You could get a job helping another busy
Neopian or doing something you love. You could even steal from the Snowager
to raise money or wait around the Money Tree hoping for the mother load. You
are a perfectly capable Neopet, why should your owner do all the work?
-Roxy
Dear Roxy:
Hi, my name is Neoschools. I don't exist. When will I?
- Nonexistent Neoschool
Dear Nonexistent Neoschool:
I wish I was psychic so I could tell you, but I’m not. I cannot reveal the
mysteries of the future. Sorry!
-Roxy
Dear Roxy:
I have sent lots of comic into the Times and none of them get published. Please
give me some tips.
-Tundra Keeper
Dear Tundra Keeper:
I am not a comic artist nor is my owner. So I called in a specialist to help
you with your problem. Please welcome, Neo_Tomi, to the column. Neo_Tomi is
a repeatedly published artist and the creator of the Pet Patrol comic series.
He is a very skilled and hilarious fellow, who will offer you some tips to get
into the Times. Take it away, Neo_Tomi.
First, you should review the comics you have already tried to send in and have
others review them, as well. You may find things in them that are not allowed
in the Neopian Times, such as:
-certain technology
-hybrids (in several occasions)
and many other things.
Another thing you should avoid is using bad grammar, chat speak, or 1337(if
you don't know what 1337 is, don't worry.) Even replacing the word "you" with
the letter "u" can put your comic in jeopardy. If you found none of those problems,
then, try sending them to your friends or posting them somewhere to look at
the responses. You can ask the responders for tips and advice on how to improve.
Here's something that may not be mandatory, but it sure helps: half the funniness
of a comic comes from expressions. You should feel free to make them ridiculous.
If someone's angry, don't show them just frustrated. Have your character throw
a fit.
If all of those fail, just keep trying! It took me quite a while before my
comics got into the Neopian Times.
-Neo_Tomi
All right, the pen is back in Roxy’s paw now. Thank you so much, Neo_Tomi for
stopping by and taking the time to help me out. I wish you, Tundra Keeper, the
best of luck with getting into the Times.
-Roxy
Dear Roxy:
I have a problem that is the worst,
So, I’ll say this problem in a verse.
My owner bought a home on Krawk Island
And we're moving far away from the highland.
From my friends we are a going
And new clothes we are a sewing.
I'll miss my home so much.
Thank you Roxy for helping and I'll remember you such.
-Pizza Girl
Dear Pizza Girl:
I am sorry you’re moving,
And it seems you’ll be losing
A lot of friends
But friendship never ends.
You’ll meet new buds,
And hopefully, never eat soap suds.
Keep the memories of old home fresh,
But don’t be scared let yourself mesh
With your new home,
And eat a Krawk Island scone.
I am not much of a poet
And know ya’ll really know it.
I doubt Slothy is much better,
He probably can’t rhyme a single letter.
-Roxy
Dear Roxy:
I pushed my sister down the Wishing Well and need to get her out without my
owner noticing. What should I tell my owner, and how do I get my sister out?
-A Pushy Kyrii
Dear A Pushy Kyrii:
Why did you push your sister down the well in the first place? Did you have
a fight? Was it a horrible accident? Your owner should find out what you’ve
done because nothing gives you the right to push someone down a well. Unless
they are bent on world domination then, push Dr. Frank Sloth, I mean the Neopet
down the well. I am guessing your sister wasn’t some type of evil so you have
no right to push your sister down there. You should tell your owner the truth
and you should accept the consequences of your actions. Now, call the local
fire department to fish your sister out of the well and wait for one long lecture
from your owner. If it was an accident, you’ll walk away from it wish a simple
lecture on safety but if it wasn’t then, you’ll keep one heaping of a grounding
that you sure deserve.
-Roxy
Dear Roxy:
I have almost no friends. I think it's because of the way I dress. People tell
me I dress angry and mean like I don't want friends. I’ve been told that I should
change how I dress to get more friends. Should I change how I dress or should
I find friends that accept me for me?
-Punk in Black
Dear Punk In Black:
I think you should find friends that accept you for who you are. I know plenty
of Neopets that wouldn’t mind hanging out with a punk rocker type. My best friend’s
sister is a bit on the punk side and she is one of the coolest pets I know.
If you change the way you dress, there is no point of the friends you’ll be
getting. They will only be attracted to your fake appearance rather than the
true you. Stay true to yourself and you shall find happiness and friendship.
-Roxy
Well, that is all for this week, folks. Remember to always wear sun block when
going outside this summer, I’ll always be here to offer my advice, I shall never
be quiet, don’t support Sloth, stay sweet and go smell the roses. Until next
time, may the Borovan be with you.
To submit your question/problem to be answered by Roxy, simply send a Neomail
to roxycaligirl101. All messages must be appropriate with proper spelling and
grammar. Please put the subject as "Dear Roxy." Inappropriate, tasteless, and
repeated messages will be deleted, so please don’t waste your and my time. Please
don't send problems that have already been solved by Roxy. Due to an overwhelming
amount of messages, Roxy cannot answer all the messages. All messages are subjected
to editing and can be published. So don't submit something if you don't want
to see it in the Neopian Times.
Author’s Note: Thanks to all the readers and people who take the time to send
Roxy a Neomail each week, I really appreciate it. A special thank you to Neo_Tomi
for helping me out with a certain letter for this week’s column and offering his
expertise. I would also like to thank blubblub317 for his thoughtful observations
and reviews which greatly improved Roxy’s column. A huge thanks to my girls, CT
and Rider, for always being there to read and review my Roxy’s advice.
| 
