Week after week now, the Times has been plagued with Chia versus predator debates,
creating a heated argument between many writers of Neopia. I'm here today to
put this fiasco to rest, carrying with me an arsenal of testimony, theory, and
research. My first interview was with Dr_Death, renowned for his zoological
studies, who seemed pretty happy to take a break from his current job at the
Neopian Pound.
ME: "From your research, what would you say you've discovered about the Chia
species, in particular?"
DOC: "Hrrm.... Well, see, what I have found is that the Chia's main vulnerability
comes from domestication. You see, [cough] the Chia once was a very innovative
creature, blessed with the skill of invention, since it had no natural defenses.
The Prehistoric Chia shows us this in the Tyrannian invasion."
ME: "So you believe that Chias lost their brain-power when they became people's
pets?"
DOC: "No, no, no... [glare] That is not what I was getting at. It is just that
they had no need to be inventive any more, so they just stopped creating, laid
back, and enjoyed being pampered. But once in a while cruel owners would dump
them in the country or let them wander around alone. This usually resulted in
a domestic Chia becoming prey to another hungry creature, since it had forgotten
how to fend for itself."
ME: "Do you think something as primitive as a mud cannon protected the Chias
of the past effectively, Doctor?"
DOC: "It's hard to give one answer to this. [irritated] Gnarls don't care about
mud, so that tactic did not work on them. Most other creatures would be temporarily
blinded by a well-aimed shot from a Chia Bomber, though. Survival depended upon
accuracy."
ME: "Thank you for your insight, Dr. Death."
Next, I decided to attempt an interview with an actual Prehistoric Chia. After
finally finding one in the wilds of Tyrannia, I set to work.
ME: "How would you say your species first came up with the idea of the mud
gun?"
CHIA: "RWAAUOOOOR!!!" [jumping up and down]
ME: "Um... No, really.... How did you think of it?"
CHIA: "UGHH!!!" [growl]
ME: "OK, well, ah..... I think I'll catch you some other time...."
CHIA: "RWAUOOOOAHHH!!!!! GARROOOU!!!!" [shoots a tree near me with mud]
Needless to say, that interview didn't bring any progress. A little downtrodden,
I proceeded to Geoffrey the Chia's house, since I had heard of his innovative
water balloon gun keeping the Prehistoric Chia's on the run. However, when I
arrived at his home, he wasn't there! I caught a neighbour coming out of a nearby
house and began to question the short, yellow Kyrii.
ME: "Do you know what happened to Geoffrey the Chia, Miss Kyrii?"
KYRII: "The name's Roxeinialynn, and yes, I do happen to know what happened
to that bonehead."
ME: "Could you give me some insight, Rox?"
ROX: "Well, last I saw him, he was saying that he was going to go on a walk
in the forest. Of course, I told him he was an idiot, since a lot of tough critters
hang out in the woods, but he was convinced that he could whoop them with his
little invention, since he had thumped those Prehistoric Chias right outta our
neighbourhood."
ME: "So he got lost on this walk?"
ROX: "Not exactly lost. Ya see, I know a family of Kougras, who knows a Gelert,
who knows a couple of wild chicks from the woods. They go over and party at
that Gelert's house, I guess. Well, anyway, these two.... one's a Skeith, the
other's a Lupess... they eat what they can in nature. The Skeith, of course,
she'd be content to eat rocks and trees, if she had to, but she loves a good
cut of meat once in a while, and that Lupess gets real tired of grasshoppers.
This Geoffrey, he was plumped up on iced cream from his friend, Adee, so when
he wandered on by, that Lupess caught him, and the two gals had a nice feast.
She got a bit wet trying to get a hold of him, but why would she care? It's
just water!"
ME: "So you don't think Geoffrey knew how to properly defend himself?"
ROX: "Heck no! I mean, what modern critter would be a scared of water? The
only reason he shut down that Prehistoric gang was because they won't set foot
near a stream or pond...not even a kiddie pool! Those guys have enough brains
to make mud guns, but a huge, huge, stone-age phobia. [checks her nail polish]
Ol' Jeff thought he was SO smart an' tough, though, just because all the other
Chias were running around giggling all the time, and he actually did something
else... He isn't so smart, ya know."
ME: "Well, thanks for your insight, Rox."
After that grizzly discovery, I proceeded to ask a couple other neighbours what
they though of the situation. The closest house belonged to a small Pteri and
his friend, a desert Aisha.
ME: "Does it disturb you at all that Chias seem to be very commonly targeted
entrees?"
PTERI: "Well... no... not really. I'm not a Chia, and I think Chia's are weak.
All they do is frolic, frolic, frolic... all freakin' day! [squawk] It's irritating.
And hey, I'm not going to dictate what and what people can eat these days. I
*LOVE* Grakle Bugs, and I'd be mighty upset if someone decided that I couldn't
eat them because it was cruel or somebody wanted one as a pet."
ME: "And what do you think, miss?"
AISHA: "Well, I think the Chias know what's going on. It doesn't matter what
species you are. If you go wandering around the wild, you could get hurt. Kacheek,
sometimes, you know, get eaten up, but you never hear about it. I only know
because my best friend was a Kacheek. All kinds of creatures get gobbled, it
just depends on what predator thinks they're yummy. My view: Hey, they know
what they're getting into. I've got claws, so I can take care of myself. If
they don't, they need to stay in the house."
I wandered to the next house and was pleasantly surprised when a very bright
Peophin answered the door. She had on a white coat and was carrying a stack
of papers.
ME: "May I ask what you think about Chias, miss? How would you say they have
evolved over the ages?"
PEO: "I've actually come up with a theory involving Chia evolution. Would you
care to hear it?"
ME: "Of course!"
PEO: "First of all, well all know that Chia have no natural defenses. To make
up for that, they developed camouflage, but it depended on what fruity compounds
they ingested. That way, their camouflage could adapt to whatever environment
they would be in. However, the domestication of the Chia greatly deteriorated
this skill. Nowadays, the only way to get a Chia to assume its camouflage is
to feed it a special manufactured Chia Pop. This has greatly disturbed their
survival rates. Chia travel to the Ice Caves and expect to hide while shaped
like a pineapple, or hide in an apple tree while shaped like a Plum. It's disturbing!"
ME: "Don't the Chias know better?"
PEO: "I think they do have intelligence. A lot of people think Chia are very
dumb creatures. The truth is, I don't think they're used to being in the wild,
and I think they also have ego problems! They think they're invincible, or even
that they're invisible."
ME: "What do you have to say about the predators of the Chia and other domesticated
NeoPets?"
PEO: "Predators are just following their natural instincts, so you can't be
angry at them for that. Chias will eat burgers and hot-dogs, yet still get upset
when a Gelert eats a Chia on a bun. The bottom line is that some creatures naturally
have a set diet, and you can't make them change that. These predators are at
least kind enough to only hunt in the wilds. In the city, they're strictly civilised."
ME: "Thanks for your insight!"
Lastly, I decided that I would only get the whole picture if I also spoke with
an actual Chia. So, I got out my handy phone book, and dialed up the first Chia
I came across. We'll call him "Bob."
ME: "Does it make you frightened that a lot of your friends get eaten up each
year?"
BOB: "Tee hee hee..."
ME: [blinks] "Um... well... how do you feel? I'm not too clear on what that
means."
BOB: "I like roses. YUMMY IN MY TUMMY!!!"
ME: "But....but...do you feel threatened?"
BOB: "I just want to spin, spin, spin...... WHEEE!!!! Spin, spin, spin...."
[falls down]
ME: "I just really need a serious response here, Bob..."
BOB: "As long as I can spin, I don't care about the rain or the drain.... I
can spin and wave at the Gnarl on my lawn, in the dawn.... like a fawn... wawn...
rawn.... sawn.... BBBBAAAAAWN!!!!"
ME: "So you don't care?!"
BOB: "I like chocolate."
ME: "NO! I'm asking you if you don't care about being eaten up!!!"
BOB: "It's so sunny out. Want to play?"
ME: "NO! I do not want to play! Could you just answer my question!?"
BOB: "La la dee da la la..." [dances around]
ME: "AGH!!!! I give up!"
After that interview, I decided that Chia's just really don't care about getting
eaten up. However, they ARE bothered if their playmate is eaten up, as that
impedes upon playtime. In all, this was a very enlightening experience. After
all, if Chia's aren't upset, why should we be worried about them? If things
weren't meant to be this way, then predators wouldn't crave Chias, and Chias
would actually be afraid of being gobbled up. If you own a Chia, just make sure
it doesn't go out alone. If your own a predator, just make sure it doesn't eat
up someone's beloved pet :) Prehistoric Chia are a more challenging prey, anyway. | 
