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It was a dark and disorderly night.
Inside a small brick house on Neopia Avenue,
a fire was crackling happily as the residents of the house sat about it, basking
in the warmth. Yoko, the white Aisha, was cooing over her pet Snowbunny, Scherzo.
Jon the Eyrie and Gioacchino the Kacheek were playing a game of Round Table
Poker. Jon was loosing terribly.
Erika, the guardian of these three, was sitting
at her table, sorting out the mail.
Jon, sick of loosing to his older brother, got
up and moved next to Erika. Peering over her shoulder at the mail, he asked
innocently, “Did I get any mail?”
Erika moved a few stray papers around on the
table. “Nope,” she replied. “But you can give all these to Gee-Gee.” She handed
Jon a fat wad of envelopes, tied with fancy ribbons and decorated with glitter.
Jon was taken aback. “Gioacchino gets more mail
than I DO?” he practically shouted. “When is this fair? Or just?”
Gioacchino smirked at his brother from his place
next to the fire.
Erika shrugged, leaning her chair back on two
legs. “I guess he’s just more... popular than you are, Jon,” she mentioned,
smiling coyly.
The red Eyrie turned, if possible, even redder
in appearance. He stormed back to his spot next to the fireplace, and chucked
the bundle of mail at Gioacchino. “Here,” he snarled. “From your fans.”
Gioacchino grinned. “Why, thank you, Jon!” he
said, happily. He opened the first letter carefully, and then took the liberty
of reading it outloud to the room’s residents. “Dear Gioacchino- I’m your biggest
fan! Your wit and unmeasurable humor make me laugh to no end. I hope that you’ll
save a spot for me in your plan for world domination. Signed, your anonymous
admirer.”
Yoko sighed dreamily. “That’s so sweet,” she
cooed. Jon made retching motions behind her back.
Opening a second letter, Gioacchino cleared
his throat. “Dearest Gioacchino, a.k.a. Gee-Gee- I simply adore your uncanny
sense of humor! Your outlook on life is simply one of a kind. My one wish in
life is to better know you, and simply become one of your many friends. Signed
simply, a friend from the future.”
Erika and Yoko exchanged “Awws” and Jon turned
his laughter into a hacking cough.
Erika rolled her eyes. “Honestly, Jon! Why can’t
you be a bit more supportive of Gioacchino?”
“Because I’m... I’m... charming, that’s why!”
retorted Jon.
Erika snorted loudly. “You are hardly charming.
Hey, Yoko and I get close to nothing in the mail, and we’re not complaining.
You’re just a bad sport, Jon.”
Jon made an unhappy noise.
“Oh, grow up,” Erika said, shaking her head.
She bent over her most recent issue of the Neopian Times, and flipped to the
front page. “Hey, would you look at this! Meridell’s in some kind of a war...
battle... thing!”
“Durr...” Jon muttered, loud enough for everyone
to hear.
“I didn’t know about it,” Yoko said puzzled,
walking over to Erika. Scherzo the Snowbunny lolloped along behind her.
“Neither did I,” Gioacchino said. He too joined
the group behind the table.
“It’s been going on for a while now,” Jon said.
“It’s been all over the papers for weeks.”
Erika turned to the page about the Darigan and
Meridell war. “Wow,” she said, stunned. “That’s really small print. Tell you
what. I bet there’s something about in the Neopedia.” She stood up, and took
down the thick green volume from the bookshelf. Flipping through the pages,
she spotted a map of Meridell.
“Yay!” chirped Yoko. “A story!”
“An article, actually,” Gioacchino corrected.
“Oh, be quiet, Gee-Gee,” Jon snarled.
“You need a pity party,” Gioacchino retorted.
“Too bad you don’t have any fans writing you to join it.”
“Who needs one? All I’m hoping in life is that
you, as my brother, will save me a seat in your plan for world domination,”
Jon replied in a mocking tone.
“GUYS! Are you going to let me start eventually?”
cried Erika. Jon and Gioacchino hung their heads, and were silent. “Thank you,”
she said. Opening the thick Neopedia, Erika began to read outloud.
“There are many forgotten lands of Neopia,
one of which was the cheerful land of Meridell. Once a thriving community, it
was reduced to ruins in a great war over 300 years ago.”
“300 years ago? Neopia’s that old?” remarked
Yoko.
“It took place approximately in the year 396
B.N.,” Gioacchino said.
“What’s B.N. stand for?” asked Jon.
“Before Neocola.”
“On a day like any other, a dark cloud spread
over the land, unleashing fearsome beasts upon the citizens. People fled into
the forest as giant instruments of destruction...”
“If it was a choice between listening to an
out of tune banjo or death...” Jon pondered, “I’d choose death.”
“Or a bagpipe!” chirped Yoko.
Everyone shuddered.
“People fled into the forest as giant instruments
of destruction laid waste to all. The magnificent castle of Meridell was the
first to be crushed,” Erika read.
“It was built on a bog, you know,” Jon said.
“As was its predecessor,” Gioacchino added.
“It, too, was crushed.”
“So they built another one. On the bog. And
it was crushed, so a fourth one was built, and as far as we know it’s still
standing. On the bog,” Jon said, after much thought.
“The beasts broke through the castle gates
annihilating all who stood in their way.”
“Zap! Bing! Ka-pow! Zing!” Jon shouted.
Gioacchino rolled his eyes. “This is medieval
times, Jon.”
“Oh... right,” Jon said. “Erm... snarf! Growl!
Crash! Ouch! Oh, bugger! I have an arrow in my leg!”
“How fearsome,” Yoko said, smiling.
“The once beautiful citadel was reduced to
rubble in less than a day, pummeled by the fearsome weapons that rained from
a dark fortress above,” read Erika. “The evil minions then turned their
eyes to the foolish few who dared to stay in the land.”
“Mmmm, mmm! How do you like your fools, Jon?”
Gioacchino said, smacking his lips.
“I like to have mine done just like my chores
are done!” Jon replied, with similar smacks.
“How’s that, Jon?”
“Rarely done!”
“Ewww!” cried Yoko, covering her Snowbunny’s
ears. “You two are gross!”
“The potato hermit fell prey to the beasts
after valiantly trying to defend his potatoes from the vicious and hungry monsters.”
“All your spuds are belong to us!” cackled Jon.
“The fate of Ye Olde Petpets is too horrible
to mention. The screams of the Turtums and Mortogs were heard long into the
night,” read Erika.
“Don’t tell me... they were forced to listen
to Lord Darigan’s old war stories!” Yoko cried. “How terrible!”
“Or the bagpipes,” added Jon.
“The evening sky turned blood red as fires
burned through the faire.”
“I see a red sky and I want it to turn black...”
sang Jon softly.
Erika read on. “The stench of burning cheese...”
“I like that smell,” Yoko pouted.
“...and rotting marrows,” continued Erika,
“overwhelmed anyone left in the town. They fled to Illusen's Glade, hoping
the Faerie would be able to protect them, but even she was not strong enough
to save the townspeople. There they gathered for what would be known forever
as the Last Stand of Meridell.”
“Seeing as ‘Last Stand of’ was definitely not
a coined phrase yet,” Gioacchino said sarcastically.
“So cliché,” Jon agreed.
“At dawn on the third day...”
“...look to the East,” Jon said, prophetically.
“Jo-ooon,” groaned Yoko, Gioacchino and Erika in unison.
“I couldn’t help it,” Jon smirked.
Erika started the sentence again. “At dawn
on the third day of the invasion, the remaining brave knights and citizens of
Meridell marched from their wood to defend their ravaged home. Some rode gallantly
forward upon their trusty steeds, as others charged with pitchforks and any
other weapons they could find.”
“Fear my wooden fork, you gorbellied lewdster!”
yelled Jon, making poking motions at Yoko.
“Have at ye!” cried Gioacchino, waving around
an invisible sword. “Your father was a mammering, motley-minded measle and your
mother was a sanctimonious stock-fish!”
“Fellow, I know thee,” Jon said, nodding at
Gioacchino as Yoko clapped in admiration at Gioacchino’s performance.
“They rushed against the fearsome army of
evil; fighting bravely, for they had nothing to lose. Their homeland was already
destroyed, and most of their families were gone,” read Erika. “For two
days they fought a bloody battle, but in the end, they were overwhelmed.”
“Wow, this wooden fork really doesn’t make for
a good weapon against the armies of Darigan!” mocked Jon, trying to look overwhelmed.
“The dark army crushed the last of their
resistance. As the sun set behind the mountains, Meridell had seen its last
day,” Erika read.
“Don’t let the sun go down on me,” sang Jon
softly.
“The entire land was burned, leaving it a
barren wasteland. Nothing was left except its history, which grew quickly into
legend,” Erika read the final sentence, and shut the book.
“Well,” she said. “I don’t know about you three,
but I sure learned a lot about Meridell’s war history.”
“I guess I learned a little,” remarked Jon.
“Where’s Meridell?” pondered Yoko outloud.
“I should start reading the paper more often,”
said Gioacchino. “I seem to be missing a lot.”
“Yeah, sure,” Jon said, glaring at the mutant
Kacheek. “Right after you finish replying to your fanmail.”
“Well, naturally...”
With that, Gioacchino and Jon were back in their
previous fight, as if time had never stopped. Yoko sighed deeply, and Erika
shook her head in pity. “Where is Meridell?” asked Yoko again, turning to Erika.
“Oh, Meridell’s far, far away from Neopia Central.
Overseas,” she replied.
Yoko nodded. “Good. So the war in Meridell today
isn’t close to home?” she asked timidly.
“I don’t think so,” Erika said.
Outside of a small brick house located on Neopia
Avenue in Neopia Central, two native Meridellian Zafaras were chasing one of
Lord Darigan’s fearsome minions.
“Why, thou clay-brained guts, thou knotty-pated
fool, thou obscene greasy tallow-catch!” yelled the first Zafara the runaway
enemy, who was fast and far ahead.
“’Sblood, you starveling, you stockfish! Oh,
for breath to utter what is like thee- you bowcase, you vile, standing, bugbear--”
panted the second Zafara, leaping over the carefully trimmed shrubs and hedges
of Neopia Avenue.
“What dost thou know me for?” cried the first
Zafara. After making a wild and daring leap over a white fence, the Zafara lost
his balance, and toppled over onto the lawn. He lay there, panting and sweating,
as the Darigan creature scampered away out of sight.
“Well,” panted the first Zafara, helping his
friend up. “Breathe awhile, and then to it again...”
The End
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