| Also by simsman24000
SM: Welcome to the third and final Item Descriptions for the Alternative
Neopian article. This is the intro, the part of the article where we try to
use as many words as we can so that the article is long enough.
TK: You’re not supposed to tell them that! We don’t try to go for quantity
and the amount of words. We put forth our best effort to make these articles
really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really,
really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really,
really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really,
really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really,
really, really–
SM: Done yet?
TK: Yes. I’m sorry. I’m really, really, really, reall–
SM: Enjoy the article!
***
Nest Builders Manual Sticks. Circle. Done.
My Favourite Food Pizza. Let's move on.
Lost Desert Dagger Guess they should call this a Found Desert Dagger...
okay, just kidding.
How To Play Zurroball Click.
Brown Snowball Erm, yeah... it's snow...
House Blend with Cream The succulent cream overshadows the delicate
taste of the house.
Holly Football What happens when religious footballs suffer from typos?
Glowing Jelly Yeah... that looks safe.
JubJub Roll! Okay, good! Now JubJub, Sit!
Scorchio Cooks Food.
The Lone Quiggle The result of an entire childhood spent with braces.
Inspired by TK. (TK: For the record, I've only had them for one and a
half months, thank-you-very-much!)
Usuki Singing Star #3 A nicer term for "The Ugly One."
Illusens Comb The origin of a little something called Lice Rice.
Beautiful Golden Ring See, it's not as golden as it is... plastic.
Bagguss The fruit eaten widely by ring-obsessed Bat-Things.
Fire Mote What you do when Mote is doing a bad job.
Aisha Magazine It's a shame that there hasn't been an issue since Year
2.
Fighting Fire With Fire Am I the only one who realizes that that won't
work?
Berry Fun Pop It was originally called Very Dung Pop, but you really
can't tell... until you try it.
Tchea Grog What a coincidence, neither word makes sense.
Marrow Loaf Sounds... loafy.
Blue Kacheek Torch Kind of a bad lead, seeing how it's really a flashlight...
Power Vacuum Now cleaning is even MORE fun with the addition of the
word POWER!
Solid Stone Toilet Aah, it's cold!
Coltzans Necklace He really was a feminine king, now that I think about
it.
Princess Vyassa's Diary In other words, TK's diary.
Leek Better go fix it... yeah, okay, it was bad.
Being Faerie Queen Oh sure, give us an entire book full of bragging,
and expect us to worship you.
Deluxe Set of Colouring Pencils Wow! A whopping 6 pencils! How... deluxe!
NeoFlu Jelly Pills Neopia's only medicine that keeps growing and shrinking
and growing and shrinking and...
Nimmo Anger Management In other words, just don't get a Nimmo. Period.
Lil Frankie Neopia's only ten-centimetre rapper.
Eye Candy I don't get it.
Lime Starfish Cross-breeding I don't even want to think about...
Eye Candy Hehe, now I get it! That's clever!
Stone Paint Brush Guaranteed to make you a Neopian Times legend with
just one swipe!
Stone Lupe Morphing Potion Guaranteed to make you the pet of a Neopian
Times legend with just one sip!
The Red Wocky Cook Book An annoying red Wocky living next-door? Feeling
hungry but lacking anything to eat? Just put two and two together.
Danish Bacon Last time I checked, Denmark was just south of Tyrannia,
wasn't it?
White Weewoo Living proof that whining gets the job done.
Stone Typists Chair A must for cavemen wishing to pursue a career in
typing.
Playful Kougra Gnome It's planning with the tulips when you're not watching...
Pink Grass Skirt Sims at a luau. Not pretty.
Chocolate Coated Blue Cheese Scrape off the chocolate and I'm sure the
cheese will be just fine.
Techo Jelly Surprise The surprise? Guess where that jelly came from.
Blue Cybunny Ruler The ruler of all the blue Cybunnies!
Pink Racing Bike Ride, Sims, ride!
Baked Fish That's a terrible thing to do! I mean... you heartless monster!
How am I supposed to eat this without any hot sauce?
Yellow Birdhouse A bit small for a Lenny, don't you think?
Plushie Poogle Plushie This plushie Poogle is an exact replica of a
plushie Poogle. Pure genius.
Headless Jeran Plushie Sims is going to do this to every plushie of
a Neopian character who's better looking then him... SIMS, NO! NOT MY DR. SLOTH
PLUSHIE!
Happy Valley Usuki Play Set Say it out loud - you may even have to say
it three or four times - and you'll get the joke.
Happy Valley Usuki Play Set Now, I bet you feel stupid, don't you?
Yellow Weewoo Or as I would call it if it really existed... a Peewoo!
Fresh Seaweed Pie It's a good thing this seaweed is fresh... eurgh,
image how disgusting that would be!
Padded Cybunny Sword Pfft, only a Cybunny would wield a padded
sword.
Green Quiggle Comb Those two hairs atop Quiggles heads need a lot of
maintenance.
Misaligned Printer Stamp I never knew misaligned printers bore such
a striking resemblance to Flotsams.
Song of Futility Oooh, the Black Pteri's most fearsome Battledome item!
Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way...
Jeran Rocks Beanbag WHY WOULD YOU PUT ROCKS IN A BEANBAG!? THAT HURTS!
Peophin Nail Polish And when Peophins actually get nails, I'm sure they'll
love to use this item.
Orange Woah! What crazy and warped concoctions are going to come from
the content writers next?
Melted Ice Cube Who'd drink water when they could drink melted ice?
Ice Lolly You'd have to be a complete moron to buy thi-- nice Ice Lolly
you've got there, Sims.
SM: And that concludes our trilogy of the Item Descriptions for the
Alternative Neopian articles. Instead of a cheesy, heartfelt sentiment, I’m
going to not write anything.
TK: Works for me. This is too_kule, signing off. Over and out.
SM: Drat! Alas, there will be no sequel where I can crush TK for his
ceaseless sign-outs, witty remarks, indomitable humour, engaging personality–
REAL SM: That’s the last time I ever let TK write the conclusion...
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