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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 17th day of Eating, Yr 26
The Neopian Times Week 135 > Articles > Mutant Mayhem

Mutant Mayhem

by barbcat00

SLOTH'S LABORATORY: They're everywhere, poor twisted mutants created by the vain intelligence of Dr. Frank Sloth. First it was just the Grundos, but it has spread until now more than half of the pets on Neopia have a distorted version of themselves flying, swimming, or schlepping around scaring baby pets and innocent passersby. But where did they come from? Why are they here?

Well, the simple answer is they came from a bottle. No pet is unfortunate enough to be born looking like something from a science-fiction movie. Each pet had to have either purposefully or accidentally ingested one of Dr. Sloth's noxious potions. This causes their bodies to twist and mutate right in front of their owner's eyes. But for those who truly want to know this simple explanation is not sufficient. We want to get into Sloth's megalomaniac brain (one at a time please, there isn't a whole lot of room) and find out the ultimate purpose and genesis of these creations.

So I tried to get an appointment to see the mad scientist and see if we could talk shop (or lab as the case may be), but as many others like him he's jealous of his secrets and did not want to see me (well that and he had his appointment book scheduled full... grooming parlour visits I believe). But I was not to be put off from my intent so I sat down and thought (a painful procedure I assure you). And here is what I have reasoned:

The first mutants
The first mutants were the Grundos. They were created to serve Dr. Sloth as a willing army, so they are all large, strong, and green. Why green? Well what world leader doesn't want an army of soldiers that all look like him? (Well... somewhat anyway.) But, the point is he took a normal Grundo and augmented him physically so as to make a good soldier. And he's had a long time to perfect his technique with them so they of course came out rather well.

Bulkiness
Other pets have not fared so well. Just look at things like the mutant Ixi, Lupe, Kiko, Kougra, Meerca, and Moehog. They're bulky, baggy, and most have unwieldy paws. ("Come let me scratch you... as soon as I can get my foot up.") The Lupe made out better than most but even it needs reinforcement ribbing to get along well. So since none of those seem like particular successes the smart experimenter would try a different tactic.

Specialized pets
Instead of blanket augmentation he could try to enhance certain parts of a given pet. Things like the Draik, Kacheek, Korbat, and Lenny fall into this category. The Draik has much larger wings and nasty fangs (a sure plus for any aerial attack) but some bug must still be present because the wings are shredded and useless. (Still need some work there, Sloth). The Kacheek and Korbat are strokes of genius. Need to compute the chances of winning or think up possible countermeasures? Just ask your brainy little Kacheek (but I'd put some kind of protective covering over its head... can't have those neurons getting hurt). Or do you need some reconnaissance done or just sentry work? How could any Korbat miss a sound with ears like that! Of course they become a liability in high winds, but those are the chances you take.

Call them Spike
Another way to do specific enhancements would be to try to add spikes or other sharp growths. These are always scary if not useful. So that is how Sloth got such creations as the Buzz, Chia, Grarrl, Scorchio, Shoyru, and especially the Techo. The Techo must have been an overwhelming success for Sloth; it's got little spikes everywhere. The spikes on the Chia don't look overly useful though and those on the buzz just look like they would get in the way of eating. But still, I am not going to laugh at a buzz with an under bite that could skewer any of Hubert's Hot Dogs without a second thought.

Two for the price of one
But these sorts of things were not sufficient for Sloth. He figured if one or two of something was good, why not more. With careful and tedious trials he ended up with Aishas, Elephantes, Krawks, and Usuls with three eyes, four arms, or three mouths. (The Elephante lost its legs to get the third eye but that's just a minor point. Giant three eyed slugs! Run!) But how much more useful is an Aisha now that it can manipulate things with those antennae mouths? Its paws certainly cannot do a whole lot by themselves. And the Krawk... four weapons at once? One really has to compliment Sloth on his work here.

By sea
And what army is complete without an amphibious unit? Here the evil Sloth took Cybunnies, Jetsams, and JubJubs and made them into fearsome creatures for use in the water. I mean who would want to meet one of those Jetsams in a dark murky coral reef? And the JubJub is perfect for hiding on the sea floor and catching enemies in its tentacles. The Cybunny did not work great as all it ended up with was a tentacle in back and gills in its ears, but it could still be a work in progress.

And one more...
Even after all this there is one species that has yet to be mentioned. The wrinkly little Blumaroo. This one must surely have been much frustration for Sloth. He's not big and scary; he can't fly; he doesn't even have the cool red eyes most of the others have. Maybe those lines across his stomach and tail are gill slits and he's reconnaissance for the marine unit under cover as a sea slug. I don't know. You will have to ask Sloth (maybe you can talk to him while he is getting his nails done).

The others
Now the question comes up as to why all the other pets do not have to fear being distorted into deformed creatures. Perhaps they are genetically incompatible with Sloth's mutation techniques and he is just unable to do anything to them. At which point they should rejoice in their safety. Or, more likely, he has just not created a serum he is satisfied with for them. He is still looking for better ways to twist them to his use. Either way your pets are safe for now, unless you change their species that is.

Now this is not to say that all mutant pets are mindless slaves to Sloth and just waiting for the call from him so they can rush in line to sign up for his army. But I do urge caution. After all that Meerca does look a little crazy. (Or maybe he just needs contacts.)


Note: this article is just for fun. I have left the topic of mutant petpets as they do not have transmogrification potions. My Lozi was a mutant for a couple minutes before I painted her white and I didn't love her any less for it. But comments are welcome, this is my first article attempt.

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