A Shadow's Sanity by christinetran |  |
If I am doomed to lose everything precious to me... then Neopia shall be doomed
to lose things precious to them...
It hurts to care about someone who is unworthy of it...
I personally know this fact quite well... too well, to be more precise. If you
do not understand the meaning of those words, you soon will, or at least I hope
for that. I of all Neopians know how painful it is to be treated like some type
of shadow by someone who is the constant shadow in my heart, and I do not wish
for any other Neopet to go through what I had to go through, both in a mental
and physical state. Maybe this story will stop owners from doing what my owner
did... hopefully.
I was born hours after Neopia was first created,
so you could say that I've been with Neopia for a seriously long time. My owner
was a young girl who had the eyes of one who was serious, yet her laughter sounded
like that of a child. On first sight, I knew that she would mean everything
to me. I was incredibly fond of her... she was like a mother to me, and I cared
for her like any daughter would care for their parent.
The first few days were fine. She often played
games with me, kept me full, and taught me how to read many of the books which
she bought. Every other day we would travel to Mystery Island so that I'll be
able to complete my training with Ryshu, and because of these many visits, I
learned how to fight and be as sneaky as a ninja. But I did not train just for
the mere sake of being able to take down the largest Grarrl. Instead, I tried
my best to finish each course because I was simply trying to fish a "Good job!"
or a "You were awesome!" compliment from my owner. I adored her with all my
heart, and I was sure that she was quite fond of me as well. She was the core
of my life, and I always believed that my life was absolutely perfect.
A few months later after I was born, trouble
foreshadowed our life in such an obvious way that any sane-minded Neopian would've
immediately noticed it. But love is blind, and since my entire mind was diseased
by this plague, I was as blind as Samuel No Eyes. Usually, my owner would spend
every single minute of her life with me, but lately, she started to 'disappear'
a few hours everyday. This should've risen at least an ounce of suspicion within
me, but I was foolish and neglectful, simply pushing it out of my mind.
As the days progressed, she started to spend
less and less time with me. The only times I ever saw her was when she came
in and dropped off the slice of omelette which she received from the plains
of Tyrannia. Occasionally, the slice of omelette would be accompanied by a new
book I haven't read or a expensive toy that was just released, and I wasted
my days away unconsciously playing with the toy and reading the same page of
the book over and over again.
Although these events tugged at my mind and
made me wonder and think about what was occurring in my life, I simply remembered
the happy times I had with my owner. As these memories flooded into my head,
I would submerge myself to their will and just sit there, staring into space
while reliving the past I wish was my present. I started to depend on these
memories as a friendly shoulder which I could lean on during times of woe. As
the days progressed and my owner started to come every other day instead of
everyday, these memories started to invade my reality.
Everyday, I would see the shadow of her body
as she ran around a corner, her laughter ringing out like a golden bell as she
tried to hide from me. I automatically followed that shadow around the corner,
yet empty air met my eyes the moment I cross the hall's bend. I awaken each
day, hearing her childish giggling as it rang in my ears, and whenever I closed
my eyes, her face would linger in my sight. Because of this, I started to restrain
myself from blinking, for every time my eyes closed shut, I couldn't help but
feel pain as her face flashed into my mind for a few microseconds. Eventually,
I mastered this, and from then on I was able to live without blinking. But this
technique, like everything else, had it's flaws, for the strain of meeting cold
air everyday without a moments rest caused my eyes to turn into the color of
blood red.
My owner eventually started to visit the Neohome
six times a week, and this number slowly dwindled from six to four, and then
on to two. Finally, her visits came once every week, and this fact lingered
on my mind like a bug that just would not fly away. There after, the wounds
inflicted on my heart soon forced me to become so consumed with her that I counted
the seconds until she would make another one of her weekly visits. I stopped
trying to catch her attention many weeks ago, for I couldn't bear to hear the
words "Sorry dear, can't stay, got to go," again from her unchanged voice which
spoke as if guilt did not plague her mind as it plagued mines.
After these events started to bore itself into
my already afflicted mind, I stopped eating the food that she dropped off. I
stopped reading and I stopped playing with the toys. The table where she placed
the items upon started to grow crowded and in response, the table's legs broke
underneath the weight and fell upon the floor, disturbing the quiet of the Neohome.
But she still continued to place the items upon the fallen table, as if she
was as blind as I was before all these tragedies happened and came between our
lives. A fine layer of dust started to collect upon the pile as it grew larger
each week, and so did the loneliness within my heart.
It was during this time that the illusions started
to haunt my life. I awoke and found myself lying upon a mat. Master Ryshu was
above me, and his lips were moving, but no sound escaped it. I raised myself
and discovered that I was within the lush forests of Mystery Island, and my
heart rejoiced in happiness as this realization slowly started to dawn on me.
I stared before me and gasped with joy as I saw my owner there, her familiar
smile and eyes lit up my heart, and I started to run towards her. Then, reality
kicked in and ruined my fantasy as it made me run into the arms of the rotten
omelettes and moldy books upon what was once the table. In anger, I tore everything
about me in a frenzy of fury, causing ripped paper, slashed toys, and broken
omelettes to rain upon the floor about me. It was than that I made up my mind
and decided to never sleep again.
I became both a night and a daywalker, spending
my days staring at the door and awaiting the weekly visit of my owner. Even
though she put me through the deepest agony I've ever experienced, and she aided
the escape of the joy and happiness within my life, I still was fond of her.
She was the only person which I truly cared about, and she was the only person
who I believe actually cared about me. My owner was the only person whom I was
ever close to during all my time in Neopia, and now it was simply useless to
try and and meet someone else, and it was simply impossible for me to stop caring
about my owner when there is no other person whom I could trust with my faith.
Because of this, I continued to show loyalty to the person whom I hated with
a deep passion.
My body haunted my house as it slowly began
to bend and creak and gather all the necessary qualities of becoming what young
Neopians call a 'haunted house'. Although I never considered my home to be 'haunted'
by ghosts and spirits, at times, I would imagine that spectre's live with me
so at least I knew that I wasn't lonely physically. It was around the time my
imagined spectre's started to appear that my owner started to visit the Neohome
every month instead of every week. This afflicted my mind so badly that I started
to find myself talking to the spectre's, asking them what they thought of life
or if they were ever in my situation. I started to think up little life stories
for my friendly spectre's, and I occasionally found myself playing tag with
them... of course... I was usually the one who was always it, for it was impossible
to tag someone which wasn't there.
As both my body and mind started to edge closer
to the fine line between sane and insane, my owner didn't appear in the Neohome
for that current month. Like a fool, I simply believed that she was 'delayed',
and I continued to count the seconds until it was time for her to visit the
Neohome for the next month. But she did not come, and I still continued to count,
but with much less heart. The third month passed... and so did the forth and
fifth and sixth... I started to lose count of the months, and I knew that my
mind was drifting away as the days slowly dragged by. The spectre's which once
haunted my mind started to disappear as well, no matter how hard I tried to
convince them to stay, I knew they wouldn't. Who in their right mind would want
to stay with a damaged soul and an already broken mind. My shadow soon
became my only friend.
The spirit of happiness was gone within me,
and everything I knew and loved and cared about was gone. My sanity ran away
from me many, many months ago, and so did all the joy in my life. I withered
away slowly, or at least, my mind started to wither away, but my body was still
there. I started to lose the color which once inhabited my fur, and the absence
of color took it's place. But I did not care, for I knew that any chance of
happiness for me was completely out of reach now. Finally, in a last attempt
to convince myself that I was not utterly alone, I unbound myself from the banister
and ran towards the dining room, for within that room lay a mirror which will
prove that I did have company, and that I was not alone. As I stared at my dark
black fur and my blood red eyes, I realized that I did not remember who I once
was. I lost all memory of my once happy life, simply thinking that it was a
mere dream which turned into a painstakingly awful nightmare. I was not real
anymore... I did not exist... and it was then that I realized that I was not
part of Neopia. Instead, I have become a shadow along it's walls.
I looked out the dusty window of my Neohome,
and then glanced around the room. With downcast eyes, I jumped through the window,
showering glass upon the floor like rain. As I fell outside, I felt the cool
winds of Neopia finally touch my dark, black fur, and I breathed in the familiar,
fresh air. With red eyes, a smile played onto my lips as I sneakily ran towards
the nearest Neohome and quickly slipped in through the open window. I found
myself in the kitchen of the Neohome, and I noticed with a small smile that
a small pile of neggs were placed upon the kitchen table in an elaborate display.
With quick movements, I emptied the table of it's contents and slipped out the
window once again as a silent yet sinister cackle escaped my lips...
and the Shadow Usul laughed, and vanished into the night....
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