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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 21st day of Swimming, Yr 26
The Neopian Times Week 126 > Articles > Onslaught of Snot

Onslaught of Snot

by christinetran

Lately, there has been a certain invasion of slimy and green infested items/pets that are just dripping with the thing that we could only find in certain unclean noses (and sometimes other places). From Crunchy Snot Balls and Snotty Pens to poor Snotbunnies and the recently released Snot Meerca, if you haven't noticed this sticky storm of green slime yet, then you must be one of the many Neopians who think Lord Darigan is green, has three spikes of hair, wears a black cloak, and tries to take over Neopia every chance he gets.

Getting back on our rather scummy topic, after the Neopets Team released our very own trio of green glop Neopets, I decided that it was time for someone to get to the bottom of this. I stated my thoughts to Tig, Bloo, Genee, and Hopper, then sat back and waited for one of them to respond. After ten minutes of boring nothingness, I realized that there was only one person in Neopia who would be able to do what I wanted to be done... and, unfortunately, it was me. So, with a down heart and a scared mind, I packed my things and entered the scary world of Neopia in search of nothing in particular.

After many days of blackmailing, bribing, and blandishing a number of Neopians (and sometimes things), I finally received enough dirt to dig up a rather dingy article. I believed that a certain person was behind this snot assault, but I was wrong, and I have narrowed it down to quite a few culprits, some of them are famous denizens of Neopia, while the others are surprisingly quite unknown.

Meuka

If one thing in Neopia has even a small glimpse of snot on it, you can bet your tail or Draik that Meuka could be the one behind it. This menacing Meerca of mucus is just dripping (literally) with clues that led me to believe that he was the leader of the Snot Invasion. Another thing that you should take into account is the fact that there hasn't been any sign of Meuka lately... almost as if he is hiding himself somewhere so that no one will ever became suspicious of him! But too bad Meuka! I'm on to you, and I'm stalking you from one slimy footprint to the other. By the way, I apologize if you really aren't the mastermind behind this evil plan... please don't slime me.

Dr. Sloth

We have received more than enough clues from the Neopets Team, hinting at the fact that the almighty and long-time gone evil genius is coming back; most likely bigger and better than ever with an even larger army than before. The last time we saw Dr. Sloth, he had his very own army of intimidating Grundos and rock horrors. But now, what kind of army will Sloth release this time? I know for a fact that Sloth won't use the same warriors and soldiers that he used during the big Lost Desert War, since he is way too smart and cunning to do that. Most likely, he will come out with something more hideous, more gruesome, and possibly even more slimier than before! All three words faintly remind me of something gruesome, hideous, and slimy! If you didn't catch my drift yet, I'm talking about the snot items! Perhaps Dr. Sloth brainwashed the entire Neopets Team and forced them to create hundreds of new snot items so that when he finally reveals himself again, he'll have his very own gunky army that's willing to fight situated right behind him.

Snotty Kaus

He's making a list
Checking it twice
Gonna find out whether you've been snotty or nice...

Yes, I'm very sure all of you have heard of Santa Kaus, but have any of you ever heard of Snotty Kaus? I don't think so. It's probably because he's too busy hiding in his mucus encrusted igloo in his hand-crafted mucus island situated perfectly behind Terror Mountain. After much research, I finally found the path that led to this awful place, but before I was able to take a quick glimpse at Snotty Kaus, he sent his army of Snot Orbs after me. I was chased for 3 straight miles before I was finally able to lose them; it seems like they are incredibly shy of snow, because the moment my tired legs felt the soft flakes underfoot, the Snot Orbs gave off a hideous screeching sound and floated back towards their master. It's a fortunate event that I made it back alive, or else I wouldn't be able to warn Neopia about Snotty Kaus. Who knows what he does inside that igloo of his... he could be holding an entire army within the igloo right now, just waiting for the perfect time to attack. But I could be wrong.

Slorgs

If I wrote this article a few days before the release of the unique Mutant Slorg, I wouldn't have added Slorgs to my culprit list. Unfortunately, I did write this after the Mutant Slorgs release, and that's the reason why Slorgs are here. Did you ever feel sorry for Slorgs and how most people describe them as 'funny-looking', 'gross', and 'ewww..." If you said no, then you're exactly like me. I didn't give a dang ole dilly-o about Slorgs, since they've been this funny looking for so long that it became a sort of natural thing. It's because of these reasons that the Slorgs have decided to create Snot pets and items. Snot is way grosser than Slorgs can ever be; they're even more slimy-looking than the Mutant Slorg. If I had to choose between a Snotbunny and a Mutant Slorg, I would've chosen the latter. I'm not exactly sure how Slorgs created these snot based items, though, and I'm still trying to figure that out.

NeoFlu

In The Neopian Times Issue 122, their sponsor was the Neopian Pharmacy, and above that were the words "It's NeoFlu Season" in big, black, and bold font. Since it's NeoFlu season, there should be a surplus amount of Neopians and Neopets who are down in bed, coughing, sneezing, and hacking out tons of mucus into little dainty tissues that are throw into Stone Bins. Perhaps there were so many mucus infested tissues that it overloaded the database and forced the Neopets Team to figure out what to do with all this excess snot, and what better way to get rid of it than to put on some gloves and fearfully shape them and dip them and mold them into everyday Neopian items! They even left some snot in their original form, such as the famous Runny Snot and the not-so-famous Mutant Chia Snot. This was probably how the dung-infested items were created as well.

Alien Aishas

They are in charge of the Vending Machine and are creators of some of the most inedible items that still litter the streets of Neopia. From Tonguewich's to Maggot Stew, these Alien Aishas sure have weird food that they consider 'gourmet'. So who else would be a better creator of the Lolly Snot and Crunchy Snot Birthday Cupcake than the kings (and queens) of gross food themselves! Maybe they have supplied the Neopets Team with so many snot related items that the NT were so seduced by these slimy green horrors that they decided to create some as well. The only question that still lingers on my mind is where in the world did those Alien Aishas grab hold of so many gallons of snot? Maybe those extra ears on their heads aren't exactly ears afterall...

Bogey Bunch

Perhaps the Neopets Team DIDN'T create the Snot Grundo, Meerca, and Aisha. Perhaps they just appeared out of nowhere and the Neopets Team had no choice but to acknowledge them on the news. Maybe that threesome of snot pets are the masterminds behind this recent invasion. I call them the GMA, or the Bogey Bunch. Somewhere off in Neopia, they're hiding in their lairs, planning and plotting their evil plans to take over Neopia. Perhaps there the ones who supplied the Neopets Team with all these recent Snot items, threatening to snot them in their sleep if they don't duplicate and release those items upon the helpless and unknowing citizens and dwellers of Neopia. I haven't discovered their hiding place yet, but I shall someday. Until then, if you ever see some brooding yellowish-green thing hiding behind a tree, inform me straight away and I'll be on their tail in a microsecond.

Last but not least (or perhaps it is least)...

Psychological Disorder

Okay, so there is a possibility that I'm just overreacting and there isn't an onslaught of snot. Maybe this is a certain phase that Neopets goes through occasionally, such as the phase they had with killing each other off (Ski Lodge, Sacrificers). All this could be just some figment of my head that sometimes comes up and takes over my thoughts for a certain amount of time before they finally rid themselves. But if one day you wake up and find out that Snot had taken over Neopian and Adam is now Snadam and Donna is now Snonna, don't come crying to me because I'll be too busy telling everyone who called me crazy "I told you so!".

This is CT, snotting off (always wanted to say that).


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