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NEOHOME - The most annoying thing about the average Neopian NeoHome, besides the fact that
my end tables like to randomly sit on TOP of my lamps, is the fact there is a
general lack of modern conveniences. If you're not familiar with the term "modern
conveniences", it refers to any machine or device that makes your life easier.
Like having a stun gun attached to your Neopets TCG deck so it zaps your little
brother every time he tries to steal your Grarrl Gladiator card.
Of course, since I live in Tyrannia, I'm already pretty much used to living
without modern conveniences. I have Advent Calendar fireplaces in just about
every room because I chose "A Warm Fireplace" as my Central Heating option and
I figured that I might as well actually have fireplaces to do that. But if you
are the whiny, wimpy type that likes to have machines all over the place doing
everything for you, then you're not used to "roughing it" like I am. So I have
decided to make your life easier for you. No, not by writing shorter sentences
with smaller words. By showing you how to build your own Neopian appliances.
How To Build Your Own Oven
Tired of eating cold baked beans? Well, then you're going to need something
to cook your food with. The problem is that there are no ovens in Neopia. There
is a Usuki Dream Stove, of course, but that's only good if you are six inches
tall and a Usuki doll.
If you are an evil genius... errr... a person of barely above average intelligence
like me, you dragged a fireplace into your kitchen to cook with. Fireplaces
are great for cooking things. All you have to do is toss a nice meaty Sporkle
leg on the fire and sit back and relax for several days until it's done. Of
course using open flames to cook is about as safe as tweaking Dr. Sloth's nose.
A spark could shoot out and catch your giant leaf curtains on fire and you would
have to go running out into the street calling for help because there are no
telephones in Neopia either.
So I would definitely recommend cooking your food in an oven. The problem
is you're going to have to build one if you want one. The good news is that
this is extremely simple to do. All you have to do is buy an iron desk, which
oddly enough, already pretty much looks like an old-fashioned stove. Open up
the drawer in front and drop in a couple of fire balls. For a truly authentic
feel, you can drop in a couple of smoke motes too. When the metal top of the
desk starts to heat up you can place your food on it and fry it up. Or you could
simply slip your food into the drawer in between your Fire Balls.
If you plan on cooking a LOT of food, or something kind of big like a Grakle-stuffed
turkey, you will need a bigger oven. A iron large drawer is a great way to do
that. It has a lot more drawers to put fire balls in and the drawers are roomier.
If you aren't a fun-loving but slightly barbaric Tyrannian like me, you may
want to get a couple of handy kitchen utensils too. I suggest buying the following
items: long handled pan, flaming oven gloves, soup Faerie spoon, yellow Aisha
fork, silver butter knife, and a black Osiris plate. Of course just about anything
from Osiri's Pottery Shop in the Lost Desert would be handy to cook food in.
And here is the really great news -- if you adore the quick cooking convenience
of a microwave oven, you can build one of those too. All you need is a stone
cool box and a pile of radioactive neggs to put in it. The only drawback is
that you and your Neopets may wind up looking like mutant Moehogs, but at least
supper will be on the table in a jiffy. Anyway, with these three options for
stoves, you'll have a nice NeoHome-cooked meal in no time.
How To Build Your Own Refrigerator
Since we are already in the kitchen, we might as well talk about basic food
storage. If your pet can't eat all of his Lime Jelly in one sitting you're going
to need a cool place to keep the leftovers. As luck would have it, building
a refrigerator is pretty easy too. All you need is a stone wardrobe. It even
has the look of a dual-door refrigerator, in a gray, rocky sort of way. Pack
it with snowballs. I think it might be a good idea to stay away from sticky
snowballs and exploding snowballs. Unless, of course, you happen to like surprises
for dinner. Your best bet for coolants are icy snowballs and icy snowflakes.
Then load your refrigerator up with tigersquash ice cream and blueberry snow
puffs or anything else you want to keep from melting all over your zen rug.
How To Build Your Own Washing Machine
The problem with all of the cool T-shirts and jackets and other clothes you
can buy is that sooner or later they are going to need to be washed. This is
true even if you're a guy, so deal with it. A machine that you use to wash clothes
is called a "washing machine". We need to build one of those. The first thing
you have to buy is a coconut sink. It's round and comes with a water tap so
it's perfect for our needs. The next item you should buy is a pastel pogo stick.
Attach the coconut sink to the top of the pastel pogo stick. Don't forget to
add some sort of soap-- like Peophin fragrant soap or fancy star shaped soap
to the water in the sink. Grab the handle bars of the pogo stick and pump it
up and down. This will get pretty tiring after awhile, but it will be worth
it not to smell like the Meridell Rubbish Dump.
How To Build Your Own Dryer
After you have finished washing your clothes, you're going to need to dry
them. For your very own personal dryer, I highly recommend buying a roped bridge.
You put it out in your garden and then drape all of your wet clothes over it.
The sun will do the rest. Hey, what did you expect? Another pastel pogo stick
gimmick?
How To Build Your Own Telephone
If you're a teenager, the only modern convenience that you really miss having
in Neopia is a telephone. But you can create your own and begin Neochatting
with all of your Neofriends in no time. A telephone is pretty basic and cheap
to make. Buy a couple of cans of prune juice or tins of olives and empty them
out. Then buy a LOT of blue yarn balls. Unravel a yarn ball and attach a tin
can to either end. Of course you'll have to make a telephone for every Neofriend
you have, and your NeoHome will look like a Spyder web, but that's the price
you pay for having something so incredibly handy around. This is especially
true if you're too pooped from assembling your telephone to hit the "send" button
on your Neomail.
How To Build Your Own Air Conditioner
If you live in a warm place like Tyrannia, Mystery Island or the Lost Desert,
you may want to find a way of cooling off that doesn't involve sitting in your
stone wardrobe full of Icy snowballs. You will need to build an air conditioner.
I don't recommend buying a lot of palm fans because they are a little on the
small side to be very effective. Buy a couple of Phtlygon Wings instead. Your
next purchase will be a red mountain bike. Then you will need to stock up on
lots of spine vines. Tie the vines together and loop them around the back wheel
of your bicycle. Mount the two Phtlygon wings on the handlebars. Then attach
the ends of the spine vines to the wings. All you have to do then is hop on
the bike and peddle like crazy. The wings will flap and send a lovely breeze
throughout your NeoHome Of course YOU will be really sweaty and hot after this,
but your Neopets will be happy.
How To Build Your Own Lawn Mower
Buy twenty Babaas and turn them loose in your Neogarden. Presto! Lawn mower.
Just remember to buy a basic shovel to clean up after the Babaas if you don't
happen to need your lawn fertilized too.
Now that I have truly inspired you and have gotten your creative juices flowing,
you can go ahead and design dozens of your own neat appliances for your NeoHome
Just remember, if those creative juices start flowing all over your floor, you
may want to check that stone wardrobe for leaks.
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