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“Why aren’t you taking orders for dinner, Ms Carbona Copy?”
enquired Stud Muffin (otherwise known as Stud for short). A suave but slightly
stupid pirate Kougra, Stud sidled up to Ms Carbona. She was a disgruntled Usul
who wore a filthy white dress. Seemingly very tired, she dragged her feet as she
mopped the floor, working her way across the ship’s worn-out floorboards.
“Captain Bootleg is treating me like a slave
again. As usual!” she grumbled.
“Remember, we rescued you and the agreement
was...”
“Yada, yada. Yeah, I know I’m forced to serve
you ‘Dubloonatics’ on the bad ship ‘Dubloon Desperado’. I simply ignore the
fact that it is full of holes, barely floats and you would have to be a very
desperate person to step one hoof/paw/foot on this vessel. I bet we sink before
we travel from Maraqua back to Krawk Island. I have already set up a contest
‘How long will the ship float?’ Everyone in the crew has entered.”
“That's a stupid idea! Besides, you need the
captain’s permission to run contests onboard. Remember the Miamouse race tipping
competition?”
She battered her long brown lashes and gave
him big, innocent ‘Kau eyes’.
“Oh! Alright, I’m in! ”
“Sure thing!”
“What was I saying? Oh yes! C’mon, where are
the Captain’s orders? Why haven’t you been following them?”
“Um..”
“Remember, corn on the cob with a side of peas.
As well as a turkey dinner with baked potatoes! Move it!” Stud clapped his hands
together for her to get a move on.
“Does he want dung with that?”
Stud ignored her snide remark. He was used to
them. He and the rest of his mates called her ‘Comeback Queen’ behind her back.
Not to her face.
The Kougra continued “Along with a Kraku Pie
with some freshly whipped cream. And a whole round of Peachpa Cocktails on the
side for him and the rest of the crew.”
“Does he want a fork or a spoon with that? Or
would he prefer a shovel?” Carbona smirked and wiped her hands on her apron.
“Hey! Stop being cheeky, Carby! You know Captain
Bootleg is sick of hearing your lip.”
“CARBY!? Don’t call me that! I’m not a bowl
of pasta! Besides, what would Booty do if he heard me say that? Run after me
with his Pirate Techo pegleg?”
“Mmm... spaghetti Carbona. I haven’t had that
in a while. Make me some, girlie!” Stud thoughtfully licked his lips.
Carbona started to say “But I’m making that
for..” but it was useless. Stud was already through the door.
She sighed and opened a pack of spaghetti and
meatballs. Disobeying orders on the ship was a crime. No matter how much of
a jerk Stud was, she had to follow orders.
An hour passed before Carbona finished cooking.
“Grubs on!” Carbona called as she came up with her trays of food for lunch.
With the agility of her cousins, the Aisha waitresses at the Golden Dubloon,
she put the food down on the large dining table surrounded by the ship’s crew.
These ill-mannered guys just snorted with laughter and joked around like there
wasn’t a lady present.
Olanda Hoy, the Pirate Shoyru started telling
a pirate joke. A very quick-witted Neopet, a real comedian you may say.
“So there was this retired pirate and he said,
‘I used to be a buccaneer. I had a price on me head.’
And the landlubber said, ‘Oh, really? How much?’
Then the retired Pirate said, ‘I just told you.
A buck an ear!’”
The crew of pirates roared with laughter, banging
their Peachpa cocktails on the table. Froth dribbled out of the sides of Root
Beers that had been left from the Neopoker game prior to dinner.
“So did you hear about the two Lennies who walked
into a bar?! Ouch!”
All the pirates roared again, but this time
they spat their Peachpa cocktails everywhere like ‘firing battle cannons’. Stud
folded his paws and looked mildly perplexed.
“Um, I don’t get it. Okay, I have one! Hey Carbona,
come and listen! What does a pirate in the Gourmet Club add to his dinner? A
gARRRGGHnish.”
No one laughed except Carbona. She cracked up
but tried to stop herself from laughing because she still thought Stud was a
real jerk. Unfortunately she wouldn’t know what self control was even if it
came up and bit her in the tail.
“Ha, ha!” said Carbona sarcastically. “Less
talkin’, more forkin’. That's my motto. Come on! I’ve been slaving over a hot
stove all day. Eat up! There’s plenty more left in the kitchen. Give me a yell
if you want a drink refill or seconds of dinner. Okay?” Carbona yelled, but
everyone ignored her.
“Attention everyone!” Captain Bootleg, the Pirate
Techo, stood up and instantly the room fell silent.
“The smartest have no power and the stupidest
run everything around here”, Carbona mumbled softly under her breath.
“Arrrgh, so as you have already heard, the Neopian
Times is looking for more of them wacky, cliché pirate stories to publish! As
you may or may not know Stud and I been writing one. He even finished the ending
due to my blasted writer’s block! Three cheers for Stud!”, he shouted with his
awful, coarse voice. He waved a large, grubby piece of parchment in the air
and then handed it to Stud.
“I did it all for Carbona. Wanna hear it everyone?”
Stud grinned at Carbona. He was trying to impress her by proving he could read
and write.
“Wanna a medal, or a chest to pin it on?” Carbona
burst out with another one of her smart alec comments.
“Here’s the ending! The young hunk of a Kougra
rescues a damsel in distress who happens to be a Usul who works as a slave on
the ship he sails around Neopia in”. He stuffed the parchment into a bottle,
labeled “The Editor, Neopian Times”. He would throw it in the sea later when
the tide was right.
“Based on your life story by any chance?” Carbona
giggled uncontrollably.
“Great idea! You should write for the press,
Stud.” Left Hook nodded enthusiastically.
Stud threw him a filthy look and Lefty decided
it was good idea to move further away. He moved to the side of the ship, away
from the dinner table. Left Hook was a large, thickset Neopet who hung around
with Stud. He was the kind of Neopet who agreed with everything someone said.
He once even agreed that ‘Stud’s parrot made his head look big’.
Carbona frowned “Cheesy ending! Geez, you guys
are a bunch of walking clichés!”
“Say what?” Stud bent under the table to pick
up a fork he dropped earlier on and his red checked handkerchief fell out of
his pocket. Carbona snatched it up before it hit the ground and deftly dropped
it on Stud’s head.
“Blow your nose! I think this is yours!” she
pushed past him and muttered the word “Slugawoo”.
“Wow! She finally acknowledged my existence!”
All the pirates around Stud roared with laughter.
Finally, all the pirates settled down to their
plates of dinner. However, nobody seemed to be eating and few of the pirates
started pulling their dishes apart with their forks. Carbona looked on, frustrated.
She had spent a whole five minutes on the food presentation. “What’s wrong?
It isn’t poison. I think the Lenny might be a bit undercooked though. Nah, I’m
kidding!”
“ARR!! FOOD FIGHT!!!”
Suddenly, all the pirates started throwing their
bowls of spaghetti and meatballs around the cabin.
“What are you Dubloonatics doing?” yelled Carbona
dodging in and out of u.f.o. dinner plates, catapulted meatballs and other sloppy
projectiles.
Out of the shadows someone grabbed Carbona by
the arm and pulled her aside behind some barrels. She gave a small squeak of
alarm.
“Do you know why they went berserk?” the mysterious
person asked.
To be continued...
Author’s note: Arrgh! Feel free to Neomail me about the first part of my
continuing series or any of the future parts in this series. I would really
appreciate and love to hear feedback on what people thought of it. Thanks.
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