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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 24th day of Swimming, Yr 26
The Neopian Times Week 101 > Articles > The Dung Faerie

The Dung Faerie

by erika_idle

RUBBISH DUMP - We all knew she existed...

Now we have proof! With the new addition of the Rubbish Dump in Meridell, we can see her countless donations of dung and other worthless dung products! Neopia will never be the same.

This elusive Faerie has been hiding for many years from Neopians, making us wonder, where does all that Tyrannian dung come from, really? We knew it couldn't all be the work of the inhabitants of Tyrannia. It was something... or somebody else. Yet there was no proof or evidence that it was a Faerie's doo-ing.

Nobody knows where the Dung Faerie originated from. Most Faeries are from Faerieland, but the Dung Faerie has appeared in Meridell. We shouldn't limit ourselves to Meridell and Faerieland, however, since most dung comes from Tyrannia. It is possible that she has hidden herself for many years, for whatever reason. It could be the odd stench that follows her everywhere, or her un-Faerielike appearance.

What does this so-called "Dung Faerie" look like? Well... nobody has really seen her yet, so nobody really knows. One can only guess that she is probably the prettiest Faerie of them all, quite a rival to the Queen Faerie.

My guess is that she probably has acidic green hair with flecks of brown in it. Her eyes, we think, are probably the color of a fresh tower of dung, left lovingly by a passing creature. She also must have wings, like all of the other Faeries in Faerieland. My humble guess is that they are the color and shape of dead leaves, moss-covered and a bit on the soggy side.

Nobody knows what this "Dung Faerie" looks like, and nobody is quite sure what to expect from her sudden appearance in Neopia. All we know is that she is very generous, donating dung to the Rubbish Dump. I have a few theories of what to expect from this Dung Faerie, however...

As all Faeries seem to be running their own shops on their own personal clouds now, so must the Dung Faerie. The Dung Boutique, full of authentic dung products, ranging from cheap Dung Creme Sandwiches to the 1.8 million Neopoint Dung Catapult.

It is also possible that new dung products will be making an appearance in the Dung Faerie's Boutique. More dung furniture, dung weaponry, dung plushies, and dung food. Personally, I am looking forward to seeing a Dung Paintbrush. Who could possibly resist the foul stench of a dung painted pet? It may be a bit of a chore for some Neopians to slop on the "paint" of the Dung Paintbrush, or even hold the handle of the paintbrush, but I'm sure they will get used to it in time.

The dung painted pets' beauty will rival the sickeningly sweet cuteness of the plushie and baby pets. The thick brown goo covering the whole of the dung pets will be impossible to resist when your dung pet jumps into your lap and gives you a great big hug. There will be a bit of a smell, and maybe a few odd lumps of some foreign brown dirt lying around you NeoHome that you would rather not touch...

We can't keep our hopes up, however. The Dung Faerie might not want to commit to opening a Dung Boutique. It is quite a challenge to run one, as most people know. Maybe she would open a restaurant, toy shop, or even a petpet shop! The chances of those seem slim to none, though. The demand for dung covered toys or petpets has never been lower, and chances are you won't be hearing, "How would you like your dung? Rare, medium rare, or well decayed?"

Faeries, it seems, are intent on Quests. All of the Faeries in Neopia give out random Quests. Jhudora and Illusen have set up Quests available to any Neopian, anytime, anywhere. Can we expect DUNG QUESTS? We can only hope!

Dung Quests- Seize the Dung! The Dung Faerie has lost her wad of Chewing Dung! Can you help her find it? She will reward you if you are successful...

As all other Faerie Quests go, the prizes will become more valuable as the quests get harder and harder, or in this case, smellier and smellier. For retrieving the Chewing Dung, perhaps a good prize would be a Dung Faerie pop, a chocolate-colored ice pop that tastes nothing like chocolate. For more advanced quests, find the Dung Sofa and in return, a Dung Petpet Paintbrush.

The Dung Faerie could also become an asset to the battling pets of Neopia, taking her talents to the Battledome. At a level 75 challenger, why wouldn't she want to battle?! True to her name, the Dung Faerie probably fights dirty. Very dirty.

She almost always has her trusty Dung Catapult by her side, and a number of other weapons that the famous battlers of Neopia could only dream of. Dung swords, dung arrows, poisoned dung balls, dung slingshots, dung shields, and dung armor, although not very many Neopians are brave enough to try it on.

Yes, the Dung Faerie will fight with gusto and spirit, and she rarely loses. Well, that's what we think, anyway...

It is very possible that the Dung Faerie may not make any of these contributions to Neopia. She may lie low for a while, make a couple of donations to the Rubbish Dump...

She may never do anything more than donate to the Rubbish Dump. Nobody knows what to expect of this new Faerie. She could be helpful, and for all we know, she could become harmful. She could even instigate a Neopian world war.

Until the Dung Faerie makes her next move, respect your dung. Dung is a thing of beauty, although a bit smelly if left out in the sun for a week or two. Dung is useful, for it has been used in the making of sofas, tables, playpens, and all kinds of other furniture.

Dung is yummy. Not only is it used as furniture, it is used in gourmet foods all across Neopia. Dungwiches, Dung Creme Sandwiches, or just plain Dung: it's all good. Extremely high in zinc and protein, although nobody is quite sure why. Maybe it's the recycling process that is used in the making.

Dung is kind. Dung is a good friend. A wad of dung can be the petpet your Kacheek or Usul always wanted. Dung doesn't talk back. Dung listens to your problems with a listening ear. Or something that resembles an ear.

It is very clear that dung serves many purposes, and it is no Neopian conspiracy that dung was introduced into Neopia. It has it's reasons, and although many still think of it as that "gross-brown-stuff-that-sticks-to-the-soles-of-your-shoes-and-smells-like-moldy-cheese-and-never-comes-off" it has many uses, most of which I have named above.

We don't know what the Dung Faerie's purpose and intention is in Neopia yet. Nobody has seen her. Nobody knows where she has come from. The only proof of her existence is based solely on her extremely generous contributions to the Rubbish Dump.

Come what may, we all need to respect our dung, now more than ever. With the coming of the Dung Faerie, we should expect great changes in our dung-related habits. Try to bring dung into your typical conversations with your next-door neighbor, etc. Tell a joke about dung. For example:

Q. What's brown and sounds like a bell?

A. Dung!

The Dung Faerie could have many powers, powers that could rival even the Queen Faerie. The Dung Faerie is probably not one to be cast aside as a "worthless piece of... dung." Respect the dung. Respect the Dung Faerie, and Neopia will never smell better.

Author's Note: Erika Idle does not wish to "gross anybody out" by writing this article. She does, however, fully support the introduction of the Dung Paintbrush, and is crossing her fingers that it will hit the markets of Neopia in the near future. After all, dung is patient, dung is kind.

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