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Neopia's Fill in the Blank News Source | 26th day of Swimming, Yr 23
The Neopian Times Week 96 > Articles > How to Get Out of NeoSchools, Should They Come Out

How to Get Out of NeoSchools, Should They Come Out

by noremac9

HOOKY - Neoschool -- the very WORD brings a distinct sense of "Where is it?" But beside that, it also means one thing: SCHOOL! Now you're probably saying, "Uh, duh?" Well, I think the "duh?" has been overlooked for the "woot!" In other words, as cool as it may sound, Neoschools mean going to school, and going to school means, well, I think you can figure it out. So for all you pets who don't know what I mean -- just associate the word "school" with "NOOOO!" and leave it at that.

So, naturally, while we're on the edge of our seats now, when they get here, you'll wish they hadn't. And so you'll need to get out of it some how. And that's exactly what this article's about.

Excuses, excuses

Okay, the simplest form of getting off school is excuses. Period. So obviously, you need to be well-trained in the art of excusing yourself form class. Before you start working on tactics, view "The Chart of Basic Excuses for Dummies." This will help you get an idea of things.

"The Skeith ate my homework!"

Pros: Takes no imagination.

Cons: Only works for homework, doesn't work if you don't own a Skeith-- if you do, life is hard.

"The Pant Devil stole my alarm clock!"

Pros: If he really did, you can fight him in the Battledome. If he didn't, the pros are... short and concise.

Cons: They might ask you if he stole your pants too, and if you're wearing them, it might be suspicious (and if you have more than one pair of pants-- you're lucky). They might point out Neopets don't sleep. Run if they bring that up.

"Sloth turned my NeoHome into sludge, and it took me ten hours to dig my way out. And clean off."

Pros: You can go play in some sludge to make it realistic-- that's fun. You can go burn down your NeoHome to prove it-- even MORE fun!

Cons: If your teacher is REALLY, REALLY suspicious, they might go to Sloth and ask him if he did that. That will be a problem. Of course, if your teacher IS Sloth, you've got even more of a problem. Plus, they might just go see your NeoHome is still there. Oops.

"I was abducted by Alien Aishas who strapped me down to a little table and used little instruments on my little teeth and my little observations on their little pads and engraved some word into my brain, but I remember it very little, and they poked my teeth some more. And then they dropped me out the little abduction bay a little way to the ground. And it hurt a elite. But the good news is, I have really good teeth."

Pros: You get to abuse the english language, and if it's your English teacher you're explaining to, the expression on their face might be worth a Cool Negg.

Cons: You might not have good teeth. They might get tired of hearing "little" and give you extra homework. They might not believe in aliens. And worst of all, they might BE an alien, and thus decide it is time to silence you, since you're spreading the word about other life forms.

"The Snowager somehow got into my cereal and after an epic battle of monumental proportions, I escaped to the Lost Desert. However, swearing vengance, he sought after me for many moons. I honed my battling skills in hiding, and became part of a cult known as the 'High Techos of Yaj.' I learned the ways of their energy powers, and challenged the Snowager to a duel. Although I did not defeat him, I escaped. However, he has sworn an oath of destruction upon me, and will seek me at every corner of Neopia... so I might not come back to school for a while, just for safety's sake."

Pros: Will probably put them to sleep, so you can make an escape. You could write a short story on it and get a shiny trophy. Saying "High Techos of Yaj," quickly is funny.

Cons: There is no group called the "Techos of Yaj." And heck, if you're not a Techo, it might seem a little funky. The Snowager is currently sleeping, most probably, and on top of that, it seems rather like a life story. Of course, if your teacher is a really skittish person, they might tell you to go away anyway. Or they might tell you to write a book.

Immobilizing Your Owner

Some of us don't want excuses-- we want ACTION. Who needs to make up stuff when you can REALLY do it, right? That's my motto, anyway. Anyway, let's get started with our owner immobilization tactics.

Okay, there's this really cool guy named King Skarl, and he's always in a bad mood. In fact, he's in such a bad mood, if you tell him a bad joke, there's no telling WHAT he'll do! Just force your owner to say something like



This is very unlikely to make him laugh, which will put him in a slightly worse mood. Now just tell your owner the secret to making him laugh is insulting his hair cut-- if they believe you, you have a really gullible owner, and now an immobilized one! Remember what they said about Skeith eating anything? It's true...

Of course, if he LAUGHS at the joke, just zip over to the citadel. There's guaranteed to be some kind of psycho mucking about, or better yet: CELLBLOCK. Tell them you'll love them forever if they can beat Master Vex, and encourage them to keep playing for longs hours into the night. With luck, unless they're qg_jinn, they'll be forced to shut down their brain for up to two years. This could get you off school for AGES! If they ARE qg_jinn, make them go back to Meridell and count flying potatoes for a few hours. This should make them numb with mental pain, enough to sleep for weeks. Once again-- you're off the Neoschool NeoHook! Of course, if you're owned by a mentally omnipotent machine, just zip over to Jelly World-- which, by the way doesn't exist, you can just GO THERE-- and that will probably make their programming go kernel panic, since it makes about as much sense as a Battle Potato (which might cause a kernel panic as well).

Of course, if your owner is a completely brilliant alien life form that can count potatoes and beat Master Vex like crazy, yet sees a WORLD made out of Jelly as every day (obliviously from Jellyopia), then you have the weirdest life I've ever heard of. Nevertheless, take them from Jelly World into the haunted woods and make them have a staring with the Brain Tree. I swear, he NEVER blinks -- I tried for hours, didn't even refresh the page, but he kept staring. So unless your alien master has no eyelids, they're going to be there, possibly forever. Bingo. But if they DON'T have eyelids -- they'll STILL be there forever, because apparently he doesn't either. But if they poke out both his eye with their tentacles, uh, tell them to go insult Balthazar. And if they WIN the fight, I have advice: study up, buddy, because your owner is a total nutcake, and you WILL be going to school.

For the Desperately Lazy and Stupid

If none of the other attempts succeed, than either:

A) Your teachers are programmed not to accept any excuse, and will destroy all who try to come up with the.

B) You live with an alien worm mass that cannot be vanquished.

C) You are going to school in a small room in the VirtuPets space station with a little green guy who is your friend in the computer.

If any of the above apply to you, welcome to the section for the people who have it rough (or the section for the lazy and stupid, who can't make the other ways work).

Sometimes hooky doesn't cut it. Sometimes you actually have to go to get out.

One way to do such is to run onto the pavilion of your school, and shout, "JELLLY WOOOORLD!" as loud as you can. Then bright young men in clean white coats will come and take you away, saying you're insane. Everyone at the school's brain will be wiped clean, and you will be held for years in a brainwashing center at an undisclosed location, But ANYTHING'S better than school, right?

Next, try bribing Hudge Hog to put your principal's name up at the Defenders of Neopia-- this will close down the school for weeks! Just give the ol' Hog something like new spandex tights, or some hair gel for the do. He's sure to go along with you. Really.

And if you're really, really, really and I mean REALLY desperate, here's your worst case scenario plan to get off school. It's a little complicated, so bear with me.

First go to the haunted woods with a team of highly trained mercenaries. Find Magax and bring him to your school. Tie him to the flag pole and post a big sign saying, "HERE HE BE, HUBRID. I DARE YE TO DESTROY EVERYTHING. MUAHAH." This will attract the infamous Hubrid, who shall appear on a dopey cloud and start laying everything to waste-- perfect. Once your school is toast, voila, you're going to be transferred to ANOTHER school! So just repeat the process until there are no schools left in Neopia. Oh yeah, and by the way, the mercenaries should only cost around 1 to 2 million each operation, so it's REALLY affordable.

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